Mohanad Elshieky Profile
Mohanad Elshieky

@MohanadElshieky

Followers
38,657
Following
1,376
Media
179
Statuses
2,061

mgmt: zack @omnipop .com if you wanna see me perform in your city, join my mailing list:

Brooklyn, NY
Joined February 2015
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I’m actually ok if tv shows pretend the pandemic did not happen
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
Dane Cook: I'm dating a 23 year old Leonardo DiCaprio: hold my beer Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend: I can't
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
It’s not that the door wasn’t big enough for both Rose and Jack, it’s just that Rose turned 25 that day
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
I love that no amount of money will ever give this man the one thing he wants - being funny
@elonmusk
Elon Musk
2 years
Entering Twitter HQ – let that sink in!
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
someone on TikTok accused me of stealing a stand up joke and when I asked them from who? they sent me a clip of someone doing the joke and that someone was me
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Twitter is LinkedIn for people looking to lose their jobs
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Eminem no longer the rapper with the worst response to a Kim leaving him
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
Why did they write his first name like this
@thehill
The Hill
1 year
JUST IN: Trudeau says he ordered take down of "unidentified" object over northern Canada
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Please stop saying the vaccine doesn't have severe side effects. I took my shots and now I'm alive and have to keep working
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Serial killers in the 70s had no idea that they were going around creating content
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
You want me to work for exposure? The thing that killed everyone in Chernobyl?
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
owning the libs by confessing I’m too dumb to wear a mask without instructions
@BryanSteil
Bryan Steil
2 years
Speaker Pelosi sent out N-95 masks to every House office. Unfortunately, I can’t read the instructions.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Please stop saying the vaccine has no drastic side effects. I took two shots and now I’m alive with no excuse to not hangout with friends
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
When I saw why Dane Cook was trending
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 months
I love how law and order SVU will be like "this is not based on a real story. Anyway, our perp's name is Joffrey Epstein"
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Kyrsten Sinema is like if Portlandia had a villain
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Why did they write his first name like this
@thehill
The Hill
3 years
JUST IN: Trudeau's party fails to win majority in Canada vote
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
The U.S to Afghanistan
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
She’s gonna show up holding hands with Pete Davidson
@msnuk
MSN UK
2 years
Queen has 'entered a new phase' and we 'may not see her until February', say experts
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I think it’s hilarious people think the government has put tracking chips in the vaccine. You mean the same government that couldn’t even make the vaccine card small enough to fit in your wallet? That government?
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Be nice to your British friends, you never know which of them will be prime minister soon
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@PearlandDragon Even worse, I live in his apartment
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Aaron Rodgers didn’t get the Jeopardy gig but still managed to become a host
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
The Passion Of The Christ 2: I know what you did last supper
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Oh no, that was all the money they set aside to fight climate change
@MacaesBruno
Bruno Maçães
3 years
World leaders toss a coin at Trevi for good luck fighting the climate emergency
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
The CDC at this point is like "what do YOU think you should do"
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Kyrsten Sinema is like if Portlandia had a villain
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Ok 2022 days feels like more than enough notice
@enews
E! News
2 years
Kanye West Drops Out of Coachella 2022 Days Before Scheduled Performance
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Euro cup Prince Harry 🤝 Not coming home
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
The joke
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Incredibly funny to try and mock my name when you’re defending a guy named Elon who named his son after a password
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Dane Cook: I'm dating a 23 year old Leonardo DiCaprio: hold my beer Leonardo DiCaprio's upcoming girlfriend: I can't
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@Princez2593 If only I had a tweet that said exactly that
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
I know the little musk bros keep defending this guy because they think one day they'll be just like him and I promise you will, but only in terms of your spouse leaving you and your eldest child not wanting to talk to you ever again
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Andrew Yang has the confidence MoviePass once had
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Elon to his factory workers
@elonmusk
Elon Musk
3 years
@SenSanders I keep forgetting that you’re still alive
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
The president of Ireland looks like Danny DeVito ate Larry David
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Imagine being in the military and refusing to take the vaccine because you don’t want the government to “control your body”
@thehill
The Hill
3 years
#BREAKING : Pentagon to require all troops to get coronavirus vaccine by mid-September
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Hey man, if I’m a pussy, then congrats! This is the most interaction you’ll ever have with one
@josh_garner_
Josh
2 years
@MohanadElshieky So good to see pussies like you seething and coping!
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I guess now we know to wash the rich before eating them
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
He’s buying an Ape NFT
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Great suggestions
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I mean he did lose
@primemovies
Prime Movies
3 years
Win or lose their story changed history. #MayorPeteDoc is coming to @PrimeVideo November 12.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
Me reading some of the replies to this tweet
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
Some of you need to start having imposter syndrome
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I’d say this episode must’ve been a rollercoaster but neither are allowed on one
@BrilynHollyhand
Brilyn Hollyhand
3 years
America, help is on the way! 🔥💪 @benshapiro @joerogan
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Me when Kim disappeared for half a season on Better Call Saul
@IanDunt
Ian Dunt
2 years
Still hard to believe she's gone. The weirdness of a country without her. The reality of it is hitting now in a way it didn't the last couple of weeks.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
World cup Prince Harry 🤝 Not coming home
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@ZSharf So true! When Phoebe sings “smelly cat” I immediately turn my tv off and start sobbing, my feelings so hurt by how edgy those lines are
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
He just won a Grammy and still travels southwest?
@thedailybeast
The Daily Beast
2 years
Exclusive: Southwest Airlines passenger facing federal charges for masturbating four times on flight from Seattle to Phoenix on Saturday
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@silquantum You really think you did something here
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
North Carolina is the birthplace of Pepsi and Madison Cawthorn, two things that have a complicated relationship with coke
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
The NRA filing for bankruptcy makes sense when you remember that schools have been closed for a year
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I mean look at this genius who understands words
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
For Sale: cry baby shoes, been worn
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
a different joke from the same set since you enjoyed the first one
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@Cameroneous Need more people to do that
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
I think my cat has nailed this Kendall impression
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
The Movie NOPE could have also been called “cloudy with a chance of meatballs”
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@bocxtop breaking stereotypes about immigrants by not working hard at all, that’s a win for all of us
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
This is truly my most basic thought. I tweeted this while watching You season 3 and some of you are reading too much into this and replying to things I did not say, which is to be expected from Twitter.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
He should have 8 legs
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Elon to any of his kids:
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I’m going as Mitt Romney going as Ted Lasso
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
@kaeoz7 You’re here giving away Ls because you have a surplus
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I cooka da tree
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
You want me to work for exposure? The thing that killed Marie Curie?
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
evergreen
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@rissafrmoffline Your first reply that said “MO” worked pretty well too
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@mayfairemoonB Lol Yeah, they apologized
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
“This needs to stop” oh ok thanks senator, do you know a guy whose job is to do this or who are you talking to
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
If you really enjoy stand up comedy, I highly recommend checking your local scene. There are comics out there who are not famous (yet) that are much funnier, smarter and better writers than those big name comedians who are busy fighting a war they invented
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
When you say kids, say which kids you mean
@CBSNews
CBS News
3 years
How young is too young to teach kids about race?
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
There is about to be two people at that house who shit their pants
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
You’d think Meghan McCain could afford to buy more than 244 copies
@MikeSington
Mike Sington
2 years
Meghan McCain’s new book, “Bad Republican: A Memoir”, flops big time. Only 244 copies have sold since it was released on April 26. Let that sink in- 244 copies.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
This is a tweet I deleted by mistake but brining it back because I like it
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Say what you will about 4th of July celebrations, but the sound of explosions set by Americans definitely reminds me of home ❤️
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I’m dismantling stereotypes about immigrants by never working hard
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
Being the son of an emerald mine owner
@JakeAnbinder
Jake Anbinder
2 years
What profession has lost the most prestige as a result of its members having access to twitter?
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
This looks like if homelander drowned
@FilmUpdates
Film Updates
2 years
Brad Pitt on the August cover of GQ Magazine
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
“I died for your sins” is trauma dumping
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Called the number and debated this baby for an hour
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Bringing this one back to the timeline
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
You’re telling me Jesus’ blood is wine and that I should let him take the wheel? Sounds irresponsible
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
I don't think people who have only done mental gymnastics should be weighing in on Simone Biles
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
@elonmusk @hankgreen Ok tried google search, now what
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
I can tell you from first hand experience that war is terrifying and breaks your brain if you make it alive, and I get that this is not a thing Americans had to deal with at home, but anyway, this is twitter, I’m not about to tell you what you can or can’t say, just talking
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Eric Adams talks like he is pitching the idea of New York City on shark tank
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
Please read.
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
@quintabrunson They have no idea what they are talking about, to me, this whole scene is some of the best drama
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
1 year
@unclegrandmaux @PearlandDragon I can't believe you'd call me that
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
Adam Levine texts like his favorite band is Maroon 5
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
@ImNotJK The reason it is an unpopular opinion is because it’s bad
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
3 years
@bocxtop I can help you fix this. Send me your routing number, bank account number and I’ll reverse it. Mohanad.notscamiswear @gmail .com
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@MohanadElshieky
Mohanad Elshieky
2 years
A racist man kills 10 people because he hates them for the color of their skin but somehow the real danger is kids learning why this is bad in school
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