What was I cooking

Your feed on Instagram used to actually end and there would be a message that said “you’re all caught up!”. You would then close the app.

The fact that Jesse plemons doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar for bugonia but Emma stone does……. Robbery

Emma stone is proof you can play the same character in every movie and get 6 best actress nominations

@Garrett_Watts Here are my babies, Mrs. Kisses and Corn On The Cob :^))

Yall ate disgusting for spreading those photos of Pedro around. Have yall learned nothing about forcing people to come out?? What an invasion of privacy smh

walked past a toddler with his mom today and as i passed he said loudly “who is that?” and his mom was like “we don’t know her, we don’t know everyone”

Watching figure skating like: “wow!! She’ll top the scores for sure! What an incredible performance!” *she stumbles off the ice sobbing, her coach is tight-lipped, the announcers are like “holy fuck that was horrible, what the hell just happened”* *she gets 12th* Me: oh

Beyonce in her most recent posts

She likes the couch better than corn

Going through pink sparkle markers like my man goes through bands on my manicures

Set an alarm to text Javi and remind him to bring me wings literally 1 min after he gets off work

me when i mess up: u stupid bitch u just ruined ur entire life everyone hates u u can't do anything right ever me when i succeed: okay

Love when a friend texts you an instant classic

When my child wants to communicate with me, she writes her message on a paper airplane and aims it at my head.

me texting a new friend: so excited to hang tomorrow! :) made a reservation for 7:30 me texting an old friend: did u know tjey found Ice Age in osama hard drive

Everything is like this now

https://t.co/4YHnhZAOrg

@twinkdefcon going from quarterly report cards to having a website that updated daily with grades on every assignment for my parents to grill me over made the dread around doing them 50x worse and was probably a significant factor in me flunking out tbh

Seconds before falling asleep my toddler looked at me and said “don’t let it get you daddy” as if I didn’t have enough on my plate already

do you think the minions get racist about who has two eyes vs one?