Imagine painstakingly planning a daring escapade, breaking out of a Category B prison, surviving on the run for three days and nights, only to be ruthlessly mocked by everyone on Twitter for only making it as far as Chiswick:
Gordon Brown asked by Sky on whether he will do a Cameron-style comeback: “I’m too old to be a British politician and too young to be an American politician.”
Here is the video of a Bristol University cleaner breaking down in tears after students fundraised £1500 for him and his wife to go on holiday this summer
🧵 Apropos of nothing, reminded of the 1999 GMTV encounter between Theresa May (future PM) & Teresa May (adult film star).
The two were brought together after the Tory MP was promoted to the frontbench & started getting letters of congratulation from appreciative young men 1/5
Clip from the Question Time 2005 election leaders’ special in which voters complain to Tony Blair about being given doctors’ appointments sooner than needed
Friend working as a primary school teacher has said they’re trying to stop pupils from running around the playground tagging each other and yelling “Coronavirus!” in place of the more traditional “It”
Tony Blair’s 2014 and 2023 Xmas cards look like they bookend a heartwarming decade-long Eastenders plotline about a local hard man who renounces his ways to settle down with family
Matt Hancock has turned up with flowers in Westminster station to give to the TfL employee who helped him yesterday with a protestor. Gave her a hug too.
Sunday Times claims Boris Johnson personally "despises" his opposite number. An ally says: "He genuinely does not like Keir. He sees this man as part of a privileged, metropolitan, narrow-minded elite uncomfortable with the raw instincts of the vast majority of British people."
🔥 Neil Kinnock on Iain Dale’s podcast about the last words he ever spoke to Arthur Scargill in 1985: “You are a quite remarkable trade union leader Arthur. You are the only one I’ve ever known who started a strike with a big union and a small house and end it with the opposite.”
Best reshuffle story is still the Tory minister in the 80s who, knowing that he was about to be sacked by Thatcher, arranged to be in an obscure part of Scandinavia out of phone reception. Eventually the whips grew exasperated after waiting for two days and he kept his job.
Can’t help wondering if Penny Mordaunt’s gig as Leader of the House and Lord President of the Council has worked out quite well for her.
Seems to mostly consist of her wearing nice outfits and demolishing the SNP every Thursday in parliament.
On reshuffle day, best story I’ve heard was the 80s Tory minister who, knowing that he was about to be sacked by Thatcher, arranged to be in an obscure part of Scandinavia out of phone reception. Eventually the whips grew exasperated after waiting for 2 days and he kept his job.
Gladstone entered Parliament aged 22, Lord Salisbury was elected at 23, while Churchill, Balfour and Benn were only 25 when they first sat in the Commons. David Steel was 26; Roy Jenkins 27.
It's character, rather than age, which defines our MPs.
When Johnny Mercer compared the new Labour MP for Selby to an Inbetweener
“We don’t want parliament to become like the Inbetweeners” he told
@skynews
Then this:
Tomorrow's Budget coincides with the Cheltenham racing festival - some Tories claimed that such a clash ought to be a resigning issue for Gordon Brown when it occurred back in 2004 ...
Sajid Javid wins The Spectator’s Comeback of the Year and thanks “those people who made it possible… the Prime Minister, my wife… the CCTV people at the Department of Health.”
As an aside: Jordan Pickford, what a tournament. Two goals conceded in seven games, made a blinding initial save for the one tonight and then kept his nerve in the shoot out. Lion between the posts.
“There’s no point in waiting for silence - the honourable gentleman will not get silence. Produce your voice, Mr Hughes!”
RIP to Betty Boothroyd, one of the great Speakers of the Commons
Budget day is the one day of the year you can drink at the Commons dispatch box. Choices include:
💧 Brown and his successors: water
🥃 Clarke: whisky
🍹 Lawson: spritzer
🍸 Howe: G&T
🥃 Healey, Disraeli: brandy & water
🥛 Dalton: rum and milk
🍷 Gladstone: sherry & beaten egg
One of the biggest rounds of applause of the night goes to the former mine engineer who delivers a 30 second elevator pitch for fracking. Thunderous reception.
Labour MP Tahir Ali accuses Rishi Sunak of having "blood on his hands" over UK arms sales to Israel.
Sunak responds: "That's the face of the changed Labour party."
'Hot mic' moments - a quick history:
1993- John Major 'The bastards'
2005- Prince Charles 'Can't bear that man'
2010- Gordon Brown 'Bigoted woman'
2014- David Cameron 'Purred down the line'
2016- David Cameron 'Fantastically corrupt'
2023- Gillian Keegan 'Sat on their arses'
Keir Starmer is being urged to sack frontbencher Lloyd Russell-Moyle after the Mail on Sunday unearthed footage of incendiary comments he made at an election rally in late November.
“THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF BY ELECTIONS, EACH MORE CLIMATIC THAN THE LAST! CONTANT, DIZZYING, TWENTY-FOUR HOUR, YEARLONG, ENDLESS BY ELECTIONS. EVERY BY ELECTION MASSIVELY MATTERING TO SOMEONE, PRESUMABLY.”
Horse Guards Parade. Man singing lustily in an England ‘96 shirt, six pack in one hand, fag in another. Union Jack billowing behind him, Tesco crown on his head. The lion roars.
Jeremy Hunt is not expected to restore the tradition of Chancellors having an alcoholic drink at the despatch box tomorrow on Budget Day. The last to do so was Ken Clarke with a whisky in 1996.
John McDonnell appeared today at Snaresbrook Crown Court to give a character witness for Apsana Begum, the Tower Hamlets MP on trial for housing fraud. McDonnell told the court that if he had been made Chancellor he would have appointed Begum as his Treasury PPS.
Lee Anderson, 2nd January: “Reform is not the answer. It leaves the door open for Sir Keir Starmer to get into No. 10 and undo all the hard work we’ve tried to do so far.”