Yeshiva Har Torah
@HarTorah
Followers
5,624
Following
149
Media
998
Statuses
2,489
We’re a Modern Orthodox elementary school serving LI and Queens. Our Head of School isn’t on Twitter. He doesn’t need to know about this.
Little Neck, Queens
Joined June 2012
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
Us: “Should we keep doing this? People seem to like it but is it helping the school?”
Friend in marketing: “Keep going. Everything is brand recognition.”
Us: “But, shouldn’t we show off our incredible teachers & educa…”
Friend: “Shh. Recognition”
Us: “But…”
Friend: “Shhh.”
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School Dress Code Update: Students cannot wear clothing with the name of any musician or band unless the student can name at least three of their songs.
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The 8th grader who said “I thought Nirvana was a clothing brand,” last week has been suspended indefinitely.
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We recognize this incident has proven upsetting to some members of the Gen X community. We will be gathering to heal together. All are welcome to bring a flannel shirt,
@drmartens
, a yellow Discman with minimum 30 seconds of skip protection, and an all around dour demeanor.
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Just to get it out of the way now, this account is run by an Orthodox Jew.
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First, we teach them about the weather. Then, we teach them how to control it.
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Important Rule Exception: Students only need to be able to name one Blind Melon song because no one can verify they had any other songs.
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Welcome to all our new followers. We’re a Modern Orthodox school. If you’re unfamiliar, that just means we like the way baseball caps naturally compliment men’s suits.
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As a reminder, the following are not allowed in school:
1) Calling for genocide
2) Boys wearing shirts without collars
Does calling for the genocide of Jews constitute harassment?
The answer might surprise you.
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ANNOUNCEMENT: School tomorrow will have a delayed opening to accommodate all the parents still waiting on a Ticketmaster queue for their kids.
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We had to send this student home for not being able to name any Rolling Stones songs (YHT Dress Code, Sec. 6, Par. 3 - “students cannot wear band shirts unless they can name 3 of their songs”) and it was the first time a parent ever thanked us for punishing their child.
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Our 7th grade English teacher assigned a research paper, handed out a stack of articles, and told them, “I already did the research for you. It’s all in here but 20% of this stack is stuff I made up myself. Part of your grade will be based on figuring out which info is real.”
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Or, hear us out:
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The instructions for the day were to come dressed as anything Seder related (lots of frogs and darkness stuff walking around the halls today). He said he came as a GOAT for the korban. That’s good hustle.
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Any student, at any school in the US (YHT or otherwise), who shovels out an elderly neighbor’s house and sends us a picture of the job done will receive a collapsible YHT water bottle in their mail soon, until we run out of water bottles (we have about 25 laying around).
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Slices of pizza are not only hamantaschen, they’re the best hamantaschen. Other opinions are welcome but also wrong.
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The year is 2031. Most of the world is over bubble tea. Every kosher pizza shop now inexplicably offers bubble tea. Jewish weddings feature bubble tea stations. Jewish organizations have bubble tea making events for new members. The universe expands out and out and out.
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Welcome to our new followers from that controlling-the-weather thing. We're a Modern Orthodox yeshiva. If you're unfamiliar, we’re the reason your law firm’s tax department isn’t available for 10 minutes every afternoon.
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If any billionaires are looking for new educational institutions to donate to at the moment, our DMs are open.
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If this tweet gets 1,000 likes from teachers, tomorrow is a snow day. We know, we’re as surprised as you that this is how it works.
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Deep down, we knew all along that gigantic, insanely profitable law firms would turn out to constitute the best of humanity.
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If you like our Tweets, you won’t believe what we get away with on our YouTube channel.
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Should we be concerned about the number of people in PR, communications, and crisis management that have followed us today? And why is everyone asking if we follow Wendy’s or Steak-Umm? We keep kosher. If there’s a good gefilte fish brand account out there, send THAT our way.
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We once again remind you to label your child’s F-35 before sending it in to school.
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Please pick up your things from the school lost and found before winter break. After that, all remaining items will be converted into NFTs.
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Welcome to our new followers from the latest Nirvana tweet solar flare. We're a Modern Orthodox yeshiva. If you're unfamiliar, it just means our food must be wrapped in impenetrable layers of the noisiest plastic wrap known to mankind before it can be eaten at business meetings.
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Are we now the most followed Jewish school (non-university) on Twitter? Surely that cannot be the case. But if it is, WE ARE THE MOST POPULAR JEWISH SCHOOL ON TWITTER EVER! Embarrass us in the replies with all the Jewish schools with larger followings. Let’s meet our competition.
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Rabbis trying to find unique things to say about the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child:
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Har Torah - We’re not just a school; we’re also a Twitter account.
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Don’t ask kids to design their own school building. We know that now.
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We always wondered what it would be like if we attained the blue check of vengeance. What would change? Would WE change? Now that it’s happened, we want to share a thread about our experience with all of you. The first thing we noticed is that our skin cleared up… (1/N)
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The last day of school before Pesach / Passover, everyone dresses up as their favorite part of the holiday. We get a lot of Pharaohs, frogs, that sort of thing. Last year, two staff members did this. Got any creative ideas for a costume? We’ll get them to the right people.
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This is our Sistine Chapel, apparently
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Let’s do a thread. Tell us your best lo taaseh mitzvah note. Keep it clean — not THOSE lo taasehs.
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This is going to mean nothing to the vast majority of our followers but “Gvir Culture” is a solid band name.
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We had a good day on this website. Where’s our blue check
@TwitterSupport
? We’re just sitting here ready to influence with nowhere to go. We have our succulents, subway tile, skincare routine, and
#vanlife
(whatever that is) sitting at the ready.
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If you were a Jewish elementary school that, due to the vagaries of the Internet, had attained a peculiarly large and eclectic following, what would you do with that?
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We found these absolute heroes doing extra learning before school starts each day. This post is just because we think they’re awesome.
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Students: “Remembering the difference between there, their, and they’re is soooo much to keep track of.”
Also students:
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We can’t believe we need to say this, but you’ll need be able to name 3 Miami Boys Choir songs if you want to wear that…
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The thing you have to ask yourself is not why we, an elementary school Twitter account, express views on music but why all the other elementary schools refuse to disclose their views on music… and why they love Nickelback so much.
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Welcome to all our new followers from the latest Nirvana tweet flare up. We’re a Modern Orthodox school. If you’re unfamiliar, just, like… we don’t know… ask your radiologist how they like it or something.
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Here’s our Parshat Vayechi meme summary. “It’ll be fun,” they said. “Just a three hour tour,” they said. 😤
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Progress! Go ahead and wear this to school today. You earned it.
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Just saying, if you insist on giving us triangle shaped foods, send us slices of pizza over cookies with fruit filling any day.
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New party game: Two NHL players and a chassidic dynasty. We’ll start. Ulanov, Kolbasov, Yushkevich.
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Us: The Nirvana thing is going viral for a third time.
Spouse: Wow, you’re the seasonal allergies of social media.
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We checked with Mr. Melendez if this was an intentional Zelda reference, pee the comments here. He responded, “Yes 100%, it's the Royal Crest of Hyrule from Link's Hylian Shield. I see the comments are really enjoying that part.”
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Let’s all pat ourselves on the back for going a whole day without Tweeting “Tu BiShvat implies the existence of One BiShvat.”
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It seems like some people are doubting this is really our school’s account. Here’s proof: We’re about to add a new early childhood building. If you’d like to name it, please message us and we’ll put you in touch with our Director of Development. See?
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Miami Goys Choir
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Welcome to all our new followers from the latest Nirvana tweet paroxysm. For the unfamiliar, we’re a Modern Orthodox school, which just means we have a religious obligation to wear matching custom hoodies on family trips to Disney, apparently.
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It’s hard to overemphasize how much better Purim could have been if only Haman had preferred hats shaped like ice cream.
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If you ever had a chemistry professor you detested, tonight is your annual opportunity to call them at 3AM with a Swedish accent and have your revenge.
Nobel announcements will continue with the chemistry prize on Wednesday and the literature prize on Thursday.
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We had a nice but brief run as the most unexpectedly popular Jewish Twitter account but
@IWUhoopscom
has knocked us from our perch. Well played. We’ll get you back next year.
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We’re just grateful Twitter didn’t exist when Minesweeper was a thing.
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What if — hear us out — The Elements of Style was low-key never really about how to write, but rather how to live?
- “Choose a suitable design and hold to it.”
- Make “every word tell.”
- “Place yourself in the background.”
- “Do not take shortcuts at the cost of clarity.”
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Our Head of School doesn’t like when we post about his birthday, which is today. He’s also not on Twitter and doesn’t need to know about this.
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Success in elementary school basketball can be broken down into its two basic components: (1) the mental part of the game, and (2) being taller than the other team part of the game.
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Dear
@TwitterSupport
,
Verify us, you cowards!
(We assume this is the official channel and method to make such requests.)
Warmest regards,
@HarTorah
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If you’re here because of that Good News Network Instagram post: (1) Hi 👋, very nice to meet you. (2) Yes, it’s real. This is what you’re looking for:
The 8th grader who said “I thought Nirvana was a clothing brand,” last week has been suspended indefinitely.
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We’re coming for the universities next. We just need a couple more nostalgia posts… umm, Umbro shorts; those crazy teal and purple Charlotte Hornets uniforms … uhhh, something something Sega Game Gear needed a million AA batteries for 20 minutes of gaming… we’ll workshop this.
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CDC changes YHT dress code to allow students to hum one song by the musician or band on their shirt instead of naming three songs.
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New stickers. We were so preoccupied with whether or not we could, we didn't stop to think if we should.
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Cool! What did you use for besamim?
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Running a school Twitter account, thanks for asking
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Also, we may be Centrist Orthodox. We’ll get back to you on that.
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Please stop sending our teachers these messages. You will end up extremely disappointed.
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All foods must be served arranged on boards or in pizza form now. We don’t know why. It just is.
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Ok Aiden (one of ours, top right corner), you get a homework pass. 👏👏👏
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An app that instead of transcribing voice message texts, automatically blocks the sender, deletes all records of them from your phone, subscribes them to every telemarketer call list in existence, and sows the ground where they live with salt so nothing can ever grow there again
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He has the Menorah
Israeli antiquities are stranded at Trump's Florida estate as authorities fail to retrieve them
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