*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room*. *I pretend to catch it*. *I walk over to the window and toss it outside*. "Grow up Karen".

Is this fight club? ."No this is Updog club" .Whats updog?."Nothing wh-.*cough from back*."Sorry, I mean 1st rule of Updog club is we do not talk about Updog Club. ".

RT @EndhooS: Me: everything ok? .Doc: [checking my balls] you appear to have a hard pea sized lump in each testicle.Me: oh shit .Doc: [noti….

RT @EndhooS: J.K. Rowling's full name is Just Keep Rowling Rowling Rowling Rowling Keep Rowling Rowling Rowling Rowling.

I've been asking AI for it's thoughts on some new crisp flavours I've been thinking about:

RT @NUFCR2: Credit to kh.media23 on tiktok. GOOSEBUMPS 🥶. #NUFC

RT @EndhooS: "BRING ME THE FOETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS". *Maniacal stare*. "Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette". "AND THE BLOOD….

RT @EndhooS: The first time you shake hands with your girlfriend's dad. http://t.co/ix2v9NKqkN.

RT @parentingboyz: This gets you elected these days

RT @EndhooS: Financial Status:. Praying someone comes to my Halloween party as a mummy because I'm out of toilet paper.

RT @AnneChovy2: just learned about recency bias and its my favorite thing ever.

RT @benedictsred: Having allergies is so embarrassing. Could I have some medicine? I’m being bullied by the air.

RT @murrman5: [noticing the food the other guests brought to the party are halloween themed] this spinach artichoke dip is haunted.

RT @coolmathgame_: [doctor hands my wife our newborn son] congratulations. my wife: do u want to hold him. me: yes [picking him up and gent….

RT @EndhooS: Relationship status: managing to hold this girl's prosthetic hand on the train without her noticing yet.

RT @bnwbanter: 𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘌𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘏𝘰𝘸𝘦’𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘨𝘴: 𝙎𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙬𝙤, 𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤. 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲.𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀.𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮. #NUFC

RT @EndhooS: "His hearts in the right place" - Cardiologist.

RT @EndhooS: [Fairground].Son: Daddy can I have a balloon?.Me: If you're good. Son: Good at what?.Me: Buying your own balloons.

Given his dedication to the club, blogging for as long as he did before all this twitter nonsense was a thing, it would be lovely and fitting to see a @worflags tribute to Dr Ed Harrison next season. #nufc.

[Getting kicked out of Cannibal Club].Boss Cannibal: drinking your own bath water doesn’t make you a cannibal. Me: [being dragged out of the fire exit] IT’S BASICALLY HUMAN SOUP.

Me: [Reading sign] "Cars parked illegally will be toad". Wife: Surely it means towed? . [massive frog hops onto windscreen]."YOU CAN'T FUCKING PARK HERE".