Duchess Sexpert
@DuchessSexpert
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Ringmistress of the Shitshow 🎪Cara and Scarlett’s Mom 🦮Professional Self-hater 🥴 Unhinged, but make it sexy 🔥 @DollyParton Stan 👸🏼Not a real Duchess 😏
Onlyfans.com/DuchessSexpert
Joined May 2019
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Welcome new followers!
Since you’ve now signed up for the shit show, here’s my lore:
I’m a brand-new PhD finally hitting the job market after an abusive program. I have two adorable Labradors (Cara, 18mo; Scarlett 10mo)- Cara, is training to be my service dog. I also have a…
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I just looked up the poverty guidelines for the US in 2023 and I am HORRIFIED.
The average rent in the US for a one-bedroom apartment is $1,702 per month. That’s $16,825 per year. The poverty guideline for one person doesn’t even cover rent.
Don’t come at me with “get a…
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The woman injured on the Disney waterslide was kind to only sue for $50k - I bet that barely covers medical expenses, lost income, and the cost of her trip.
At this point, she should sue for defamation and pain and suffering for the slander campaign they’re running against her…
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Unpopular Opinion:
Student loans should be at 0% interest.
Mortgages on primary residence should be ≤ 3% and second homes have premium interest rates *and* taxes.
People trying to achieve the American dream shouldn’t be struggling and if you own multiple homes you’re making…
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Why isn’t anyone asking if Sophie Turner is okay? She got married at 23, had her first baby during a global lockdown at 24, and had her second baby at 26. Her husband - who is 7 years older - was on tour in 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, and 2023. Sophie, born in the UK, lives in NY…
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This is a weird way for them to tell everyone they’re bad at sex 😂😂😂
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ADOPTION IS NOT AN ALTERNATIVE TO ABORTION! YOU CANT ADOPT PREECLAMPSIA. YOU CANT ADOPT PLACENTAL ABRUPTION. YOU CANT ADOPT UTERINE RUPTURE. YOU CANT ADOPT SEPSIS WHEN YOU CANT ABORT A NONVIABLE FETUS WITH A HEARTBEAT. YOU CANT ADOPT PLACENTA PREVIA.
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My 7th grade science teacher who, despite being a woman, told me girls couldn’t be scientists when I said I wanted to be a marine biologist when I grew up just walked into this restaurant.
Should I tell her I’m a neuroscientist now? 🔥🔥🔥
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My second grade teacher called me stupid in front of the class every day. Today I became a doctor. Fuck that bitch.
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Evangelicals who won’t let their daughters get the HPV vассine “because their daughters will only have sex with their husbands” are stupid and selfish.
1) You don’t get to decide who/when your daughter has sex.
2) Even *if* your daughter only sleeps with her husband, he can…
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Yeah, Travis Kelce is good looking and all, but what actually makes him attractive is his emotional maturity. Some of y’all could work on that.
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Regardless of your opinion on guns, this is inexcusably unsafe.
Her grip is wrong and needs correction. Her grip allows for ZERO trigger safety.
You NEVER toss a firearm to the side. EVER. Aside from the issue of leaving firearm unsecured, there could be a round in the chamber…
I'm confused and curious about your thoughts on it.
Is it right or wrong to be raised this way by her parents?
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I wish more people understood people don’t have health insurance not because they don’t want insurance; they don’t have insurance because they can’t afford insurance.
In my state, the average cost of insurance is $640 per month for one person. Average rent is $1600 - I live in…
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Stop telling accomplished women they’re intimidating. Admit that you’re intimidated. There’s a difference.
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ADOPTION IS NOT AN ALTERNATIVE TO ABORTION! YOU CANT ADOPT AN ECTOPIC PREGNANCY. YOU CANT ADOPT PLACENTAL ABRUPTION. YOU CANT ADOPT UTERINE RUPTURE. YOU CANT ADOPT PREECLAMPSIA. YOU CANT ADOPT POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. YOU CANT ADOPT HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM.
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A friend of mine was prescribed codeine cough syrup yesterday. Her pharmacist refused to fill it on “moral grounds.”
The opioid scare needs to fucking END. These medications have important uses that are strongly supported by evidence when prescribed appropriately.
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@rabbithrtdgrl
@kendallybrown
@merceciolek
YUUUUP - they can cause REALLY bad pelvic injuries for women and men - the case studies are horrific. These slides really need to be banned.
@MamaDoctorJones
has a great video she tweeted about a similar case that happened during a water skiing accident
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This is the woman he’s calling obese.
No wonder so many women hate their bodies with men like Marcus existing. Fuck you, Marcus.
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Pay 👏🏼 Nurses 👏🏼 What 👏🏼 They’re 👏🏼 Worth👏🏼
Nurses wouldn’t be quitting for travel work if their home hospitals paid them a fair salary. The solution is NOT ❌ to cap pay! It’s to pay nurses a fair wage, forgive their student loans, and incentivize joining the field.
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Looks like you fucked around and found out.
Being a transplant recipient fighting cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be a bigot and bully your care team. Your team doesn’t have to take abuse.
Ok-I was gonna try to get over this-but I am a liver transplant recipient with breast cancer facing double mastectomy at the end of August and now I have no primary care doctor.
A lawyer contacted me-i hesitated-
Nor more!
Would any lawyer out there help me?
Very scared. 💜💚🤍
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To the people saying the guy is overreacting because the airline LOST HIS DOG:
If anything happens to my dogs, I will instantaneously become Liam Neeson.
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I despise when men in Home Depot walk up and ask “You need any help, little lady?”
First, I’m 5’9” so I’m not exactly little you misogynistic twat.
Second, the speciality fastener section is so damn small it’s pitiful.
Third, you don’t even know the name of the thing I’m…
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I have been goaded into getting dinner with a friend, so I washed my hair and put on makeup for the first time in two weeks. Please clap.
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Patients are often there having the worst days of their life.
Bigotry and threats are never okay. EVER. Bigotry and threats should ALWAYS be recorded in the patient’s chart.
However, if you can’t take general cursing, I’m not sure healthcare is for you. Does it feel good to…
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I can finally tell you…
As of today, I am officially Duchess Sexpert, PhD!!!!
I successfully defended on 6/9 (unintended perfection), but it wasn’t official until today.
I truly have no idea what comes next, but I’m glad to have finally achieved this massive goal. I’m the…
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@DarleneDempsey6
I’m thinking they happen a lot and don’t get reported. I broke my tailbone on a water slide following all the rules as a kid. My guess is most injuries are less severe or don’t get picked up by the press. If a company is smarter than Disney and just settles we’ll probably never…
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@BreakingDadDan
Did you read the case? She had massive internal injuries. She was 30 when he happened, she’s unlikely to be able to have children. Her intestines protruded out her abdominal wall. Please understand her injuries and the medical literature or shut the fuck up.
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Biden: We owe frontline workers a tremendous debt.
HCWs: Cancel student loan debt.
Biden: We don’t owe you that much.
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This is a very bad take.
If YOU don’t want a man as a gynecologist, that’s perfectly fine. However, you need to STOP sexualizing gynecology.
We never hear these comments about urology, and while urologists do help people if all sexes and genders, urology is never sexualized in…
i still think that’s it really weird that men are gynaecologists 😭 like why do they want to have a career in looking at women’s vaginas????
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Hot Take:
Тradwives who don’t have their own income need to stop acting like they aren’t sехworkers.
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There are hospital admins at the next table over talking about penalizing providers for taking “too long” with patients. Should I fight them?
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No, a legendary dad wouldn’t have a child this young in the front seat.
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End religious exceptions for vaccine mandates. No religious text prohibits people from getting vaccinated.
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@missjuliaaaaah
This is about my level of petty. I mailed a copy of my dissection to my 2nd grade teacher who called me stupid.
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People trying to talk my grandmother out of attending my brother’s wedding (the only grandchild she’ll ever see get married) because it *might* rain is the absolute most selfish thing I can possibly imagine. There’s no health reason to stop her - they just don’t want to deal with…
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Random man just showed up unannounced to “inspect the air conditioner.” I’m sorry, my dude, absolutely not. The city can contact me in advance if this is something they want to do. Absolutely no fucking way are you coming into my house when I’m alone just because your shirt has…
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Update: She had kids with her, so it seemed inappropriate to approach her.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but animals are not disposable.
If you are at the age where you can have children, before you get a pet you need to think very seriously about if you can handle a pet and a baby BEFORE you get the pet. It’s not fair to the pet to traumatize…
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I treat my body like a temple; specifically, it’s a Catholic Church. Lots of art and gold, copious amounts of wine, and I rarely follow my own rules.
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Hiya! I’m an actual expert on some of these topics because in my PhD I specifically researched the ways in which purity culture and evangelical sexual values contribute to dysfunctional neural connections that might underlie idiopathic sexual dysfunction in women, so let me see…
These poor girls. Some questions:
• Does sexualized music and dancing lead to sex? Might it lead predatory men to believe these women are open to sex?
• Are the girls drunk? Are any of them sober?
• Are we to believe this is JUST about dancing?
So...
• How many sex…
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HOA Bytch: You need to remove the grill off your deck.
Me: No, the bylaws clearly state gas grills are permitted. The bylaws only require charcoal grills to be off the decks.
HOA Bytch: I’ll call the fire department.
Me: I’ll dial the number for you, sweet-cheeks. I’d love a…
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One of the most interesting experiences as a PhD student is getting to know and respect two researchers to later find out they hate each other.
#AcademicTwitter
#AcademicChatter
#phdlife
@AcademicChatter
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If you wonder what my mom is like, she was pissed my undergrad graduation was the Saturday before Mother’s Day because it was “her weekend,” she yelled at me right before ceremony, and I was holding back tears (not happy) as I accepted my diploma. I didn’t celebrate my masters.
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Since people wanted to argue with me, let’s be clear:
Vaginal Delivery is a medical term.
VBAC is a medical term.
Unmedicated is a medical term.
“Natural” implies some form of bizarre moral value, has ZERO clinical meaning, and is stigmatizing.
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Trying to learn to be comfortable with my (semi) natural hair. This is after it’s been straightened once and got damp, so no ringlets right now.
Stop telling children with curly hair they look unkept. This is why I’m like this. Curly hair is beautiful.
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If my bra matches my underwear, you’re not the person who decided we’re having sex tonight.
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@Nfti13
I have no problem teaching children to shoot, but it needs to be done responsibly and this is not responsible.
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Him: My wife is a doctor.
Me: Nice! What kind of doctor?
Him: She’s a chiropractor and also practiced naturopathic medicine.
Me: Oh… you mispronounced dangerous charlatan.
… And that’s when the argument started. 🤷🏻♀️
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A student threatened me at my TA job because I gave her a 65. The professor I work under did not back me up. Threats are NEVER okay. I already work more hours than I’m paid for at this job, and this lack of support might be the last straw. I’m thinking of quitting. I’m so upset.
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I’m a childless adult, and I honestly do not understand how much some of you hate children.
I don’t have children, but I’m delighted to have children in public spaces and I’m happy to pay taxes that allow children access to free education.
What is wrong with some of you?
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Stop joking about the “husband stitch.” It’s not funny. It’s disgusting.
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I can’t imagine being in Gaza asked to evacuate with 24 hours notice. I don’t think I could leave my dogs. I’m sure many Palestinians feel the same way. This is cruelty. This is genocide.
Hamas is a terrorist organization.
The Israeli government is committing genocide for…
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I see the people bitching at me for owning purebred dogs are back, so let’s go over this again:
Being anti-breeder is ABLEIST. Many rescues will NOT adopt to people with disabilities or people who live with someone with disabilities.
TEMPERAMENT and breeding matter for service…
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ADOPTION IS NOT AN ALTERNATIVE TO ABORTION! YOU CANT ADOPT HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM. YOU CANT ADOPT PREECLAMPSIA. YOU CANT ADOPT PLACENTAL ABRUPTION. YOU CANT ADOPT UTERINE RUPTURE. YOU CANT ADOPT POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. YOU CANT ADOPT AN PELVIC PROLAPSE.
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Just saw a kid having a “petting zoo” with her dog instead of a lemonade stand. That kid is going places.
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Added frosting to my windows to keep the creepy elderly HOA women from peaking in at me. I did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. They’re going to be so annoyed now 😈
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What - and I cannot stress this enough - THE FUCK?!?
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People in their mid-late 30s who married their college sweetheart are so condescending. I don’t have less life experience because I’m not married and I don’t need you to tell me “it’ll be okay I’ll meet someone.” I was in a 10-year relationship. Shit doesn’t work out sometimes.…
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Thinking about the time I watched my grandfather bleed to death following an aortic aneurysm (it was in a hospital setting, so it was controlled, but still) and then the professor I TA’d for made me grade papers until 3am that night.
But people still don’t think academia is…
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I am once again stating that conscious sedation for IUD placement should be standard of care.
IUD placed & it was still painful, but not as bad as my first experience. My ob kept telling me how good I was doing & I told her I could have used more pain killers. Husband took me for a milkshake, on the way home. I told him I deserved a treat.
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There is a special place in hell for companies that hide the “unsubscribe” button on their marketing emails.
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If you, a man, are too uncomfortable to buy tampons, you shouldn’t be putting your penis anywhere near a vagina.
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Them: WhAt iF yOuR mOm aBoRteD yOu?
Me: Well I almost aborted myself in 2020, so…
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The fact that I had to tell someone gynecologists are surgeons today enrages me. OMFG.
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I think the reason so many men are mad about Taylor and Travis is that Travis is such a mature, self-sufficient adult and seems like a mature, caring partner so he makes the angry men look terrible and together Taylor and Travis are showing women they can have better
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The asshole divinity student next door literally came over and yelled at me because the people working on my house parked in the spot he doesn’t use. Note: this asshole often has people over and his guests take my spot and I’ve never said shit because I’m not a childish prick,…
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Yeah, let’s start body shaming little girls because it’ll get Instagram clicks. 🙄🙄🙄 You know she knows it was a bad take since she turned off the comments. This picture isn’t cute. It’s fucked. I’ll die on this hill.
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Earning a PhD isn’t about knowing everything in your field; it’s about learning what you/we don’t know and learning how to start answering those questions.
#AcademicTwitter
#AcademicChatter
@AcademicChatter
#phdchat
@OpenAcademics
#phdvoice
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If you’re going to defend someone using their personal beliefs and not evidence to deny someone care, please just block me. I do not care about your fucking feelings.
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It really blows my mind that some people believe sexual orientation is a choice. I wouldn’t choose to be attracted to men. Have you met them?
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News outlets need to stop covering “heart wrenching” stories about people who can’t get an organ transplant because they refuse to get vaccinated. It’s not sad or unfair; it’s consequences. People who aren’t willing to reduce risk of deadly infection don’t deserve a transplant.
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Reminder that Elvis was 24 and Priscilla was 14 when they met. Priscilla was still in high school when she moved into Graceland. In her autobiography, Priscilla shares Elvis took highly-explicit nude photos of her when she was underage. He only married her after receiving…
The official trailer for Sofia Coppola’s ‘PRISCILLA’ starring Cailee Spaeny and Jacob Elordi.
In theaters everywhere November 3.
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Dude: My wife is a doctor.
Me: Nice! What kind?
Dude: She’s a naturopath and chiropractor.
Me: Your wife is not a doctor.
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Physicians who give a “husband stitch” should lose their license.
I said what I said.
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There a reason it’s called weatherMAN and not weatherWOMAN. A woman knows the difference between 3” and 8”
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Also, saying “I’m sorry for those who were triggered” is not taking ANY responsibly for the harm your words caused patients who are from groups disproportionately labeled abusive - like minority populations and women. You basically said “I’m sorry you don’t like what I said.”…
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With the way abortions are now being prosecuted in the US, at some point women are going to be prosecuted for having a miscarriage since you CANNOT TELL a medication-induced abortion from a miscarriage. This is absolutely going to be used to strip women of their voting rights and…
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My grandfather died a couple of hours ago, and my grandmother, being the absolute queen she is, lightened the mood by grabbing his wallet, counting the money, and declaring “I need to see how much I inherited.” 😂😂😂💀💀💀
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Friend: You don’t match your bra and panties every day? You don’t match your socks?!? If you get into an accident what will the EMTs think?!?
Me: They’ll think I have ADHD, and they’ll be right.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if a man is complaining that you’re not a naked mole rat, or that your have darker skin under your arms, or that you have cellulite, or frankly any other complaint about your physical appearance, you should not be fucking him. He doesn’t…
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I deleted the tweet about being hurt some of my friends are acting like a PhD isn’t a major life accomplishment because I really didn’t enjoy being called a terrible person by assholes on Twitter.
People need to do a better job of respecting that life accomplishments look…
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I have an 8-week-old puppy who came home Saturday, and I haven’t showered since Friday, I slept for maybe 6 hours total over the weekend, and haven’t eaten today at it’s almost 4pm. How THE FUCK do moms if human babies do it?
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It showed, I shit you not, a 69% reduction in Alzheimer’s symptoms.🔥
A 2021 study suggests that sildenafil (Viagra, Revatio), which is used to treat erectile dysfunction and pulmonary arterial
#hypertension
, might also protect against
#Alzheimers
disease:
#HarvardHealth
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Rescue: We’re out of fosters and we have over 4000 beagles we rescued from an abusive situation.
Me: I’ll take one.
Rescue: You’ve never owned a beagle before.
Me: No, but I’ve had dogs.
Rescue: Denied.
THIS BULLSHIT IS WHY PEOPLE GO TO BREEDERS AND RESCUES GET EUTHANIZED!!!
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Here’s your reminder there’s no such thing as “underaged women”; they’re children/girls.
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@mrs_larocque
Yeah - I’m not sure if you saw the actual case, but she had MASSIVE internal injuries.
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People keep saying my brother getting married is “as big an accomplishment” as me (eventually) getting my PhD.
NO THE FUCK IT IS NOT.
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People kept telling me after getting out of my 10-year relationship I would eventually meet someone wonderful. Well, I met her. She is me.
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Requiring a doctor’s note to excuse missing school/work in the middle of a global pandemic in a country without universal healthcare is classist and proves our government cares more about corporate profit than people.
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