cas says free palestine
@CrappyFumes
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talking to myself ‘cause I’ve got shit to say // they/he
Lenapehoking
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The reason the US can always afford military spending but always seemingly can’t afford anything else is because the US is an evil empire whose power rests solely in its wildly disproportionate capacity to enact violence.
Hope this helps!!!
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I just learned that if the price of houses had risen at the same rate as median income in this country then a house in 2021 would cost an average of 61,000
And now I’m dead
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Doctors get soo mad when ur BMI says ur overweight and ur bloodwork comes back perfect
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Your regular reminder that the tax preparation industry is a scam & in other countries they just send you a bill or a check based on what they already have calculated. The fact that the government makes us calculate on our own & face penalties for mistakes is totally unnecessary.
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Has anyone else made it to their 30s without ever having an official budget, just checking your bank account a lot + vibes?
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Asking for a sick day feels so infantalizing, composing a professional email to be like “I frew up”
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This was how Carlin opened the special. He just ran out and this was his first joke.
A real one.
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Lol pls stop praising corporations bc they did quick math and figured out this was cheaper than maternity leave
Following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Netflix, Disney, Paramount, and Comcast vow to cover travel costs for employees wishing to abort but live in a state where abortion is banned.
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A billionaire cannot be a tortured poet sorry those are the rules
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Giants Strippers
🤝
Grinding men’s bones to make their bread
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No free college, no affordable housing, no minimum wage increase, no moves to address the cost of living crisis, no healthcare, but see how perfectly in alignment these ghouls votes are when it comes to unlimited funds for weapons of death and destruction?
BREAKING: The House just overwhelmingly approved the $886 billion National Defense Authorization Act.
That's nearly a trillion dollars going to weapons and war.
And a whole lot of it will line the pockets of wealthy defense contractors instead of helping working class people.
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Really hate that ppl think “no ethical consumption” means “just do whatever fuck it ” and not “still try to be ethical but know that purity in this regard is practically impossible so just do your best”
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Another COVID wave, another wave of one star Yankee Candle reviews
Regret to inform that the 1 star yankee candle review COVID data is coming in strong
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Having an election during a pandemic = voter suppression
Pass it on
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Hello men- it’s shorts weather now so remember the old rhyme:
At or above the knee,
That’s what we like to see,
Longer than the knee
A juggalo ye be
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Conspiracy theories are just astrology for white guys
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Monday you can stay in bed
Tuesday Wednesday stay in bed
Thursday you can stay in bed
It’s Friday
I’m in bed
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I’m sorry but I love them
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Eric Carle said fuck the system eat cake and be unapologetically hungry
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Psst - The way capitalists treated the lower classes during COVID (utter disregard for mass death / displacement) is our preview of how shit is gonna play out with the climate crisis
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Evangelicals don’t think life is supposed to be good. They think life on earth is supposed to be a crucible that tests if you’re fit for heaven. If evangelicals take over society the quality of life for everyone is going to STEEPLY decline. Count on it.
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All this pearl clutching about “the American work ethic dying” meanwhile our lawmakers didn’t pass rent forgiveness or the $15 minimum wage, take like 17 vacations a year on a nearly 200K a year salary, but yeah, we’re lazy bc we don’t want to work overtime for starvation wages.
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I hate Justin Timberlake so I made this to replace the stupid “gonna be may” meme - you’re welcome world
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Please remember this moment. Democrats would rather lose massive segments of voters to total disillusionment and let Republicans take power than make any significant movement toward the left.
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Did you know that instead of saying some clunky ass weird shit like “uterus havers” u can just literally say “people”.
People need abortions. All sorts of different ppl. We don’t need to do weird binaries to dichotomize who needs repro care - people need it, that’s nuff said!
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Too many people confuse intellectualism with needing to be right all the time when in reality it’s being willing to be wrong all the time
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Democrats before Democrats after
being elected being elected
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AAALSO just bc someone’s bloodwork doesn’t come back perfect does NOT mean doctors being fatphobic is justified k byeeeee
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I wonder if this has anything to do with the CDC telling everyone they can stop masking and shortening isolation times and getting rid of free testing sites and
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Budgets are for people with math brains I have a brain that is just colors and noise
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For reference the actual average cost of a house in 2021 is $295,000
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I think a lot of people are willfully ignorant about Palestine because they’re afraid if they investigate more deeply they might come to a conclusion that doesn’t match up with popular opinion, and they’d rather fit in than stand for anything.
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Ladies if she:
-has flaming locks of auburn hair
-ivory skin
-eyes of emerald green
She’s got your man, she’s Jolene
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Do women “love attention” or just want men to ask... literally a single question about them?
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Sorry I need my tortured poets to be penniless bohemians drinking absinthe in an attic room next door to the moulin rouge 🤷🏻
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I find it EXTREMELY telling that when grown men in the record industry molded Britney Spears into a sex object as a literal child, that was all fine, but now when she, as a grown woman, expresses herself enjoying her sexuality and body on her own terms ppl are like “I’m worried”.
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The biggest irony of catcalling is that women would wear less if men didn’t do it
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getting ready to go out in public & pretend to be a person like
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It’s almost like our entire system is built to benefit the wealthy or something
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We reallllllllyyyyy need to start reminding people that politicians are not celebrities they are OUR EMPLOYEES
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Your ability to be a tortured poet is a direct inverse to the emissions created by your private jet.
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Biden being old is not the problem - I am sorry like I am as disturbed by gerontocracy as the next guy, but the problem is that the democrats are a center right party posing as left wingers and as a party have abandoned working class interests in favor of keeping donors happy.
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TW: assault
Jack Nicholson beat a sex worker so badly she sustained lifelong injuries. She requires medical treatment to this day and doctors predict the side effects from her injuries will eventually lead to her death.
He settled out of court to keep it quiet.
Fuck him.
Jack Nicholson used to hang out and have a coffee at a diner on the strip. One evening, showing up late to join some friends, the waitress took his coffee away before he could drink it and told them to leave. His reaction became the first written scene in Five Easy Pieces.
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Now is a good time to remind everyone that rich ppl literally pay to have ppl write articles like this
OK, That Was Actually Funny: Elon Musk (Joined By His Mom!) Delivers Self-Deprecating SNL Opening Monologue
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@abby4thepeople
The number of teen movies from the 90s where (thin) female characters say something to the effect of “ugh that’s it, I’m only having water and laxatives for a month” — the media didn’t just want us to be disordered eaters, they were *teaching us how*
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Makes me wish there were more male comics today w his courage and insight.
Y’know instead of say…transphobic hacks that are only funny if you’re a dipshit bigot.
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LA FRIENDS: if you’re willing to make the drive we got a hot tip that CSU Bakersfield has WAYYY too many doses at their vax site and is letting anyone and everyone come get jabbed no appointments or requirements necessary. We were in and out in under an hour.
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It’s 2020, Instagram is now TikTok, Twitter is now Instagram, Facebook is now an alt-right recruitment site
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I’m not even a Bernie person anymore but this is still laughable
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Comics who actively engage with radical politics are the only people whose bits age well.
This special is 26 years old and by and large his points remain extremely relevant.
Just something to think about!!!!
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Confuse your conservative relatives this year by agreeing w them that Joe Biden sucks
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Your 30s are all about feeling hotter than you ever have felt before but also your knees sound like bubble wrap
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I’m an overexplainer & if you don’t know what that is basically it’s someone who has anxiety about being misunderstood and so they constantly feel the need to very carefully explain everything & leave no room for error because misunderstandings trigger their fight or flight due t
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“Brood mares for the state” is such a fire line goddamn.
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If boomers didn’t want me to be on my phone all the time maybe they should have created a society I didn’t feel the need to actively disassociate from constantly
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If you want to have fun do a quick google about how much the IRS has been defunded during the last few decades
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Like if you think our society is obsessed with punishment NOW… these people literally think that death for a believer is a merciful release from a world of earthly sin. They think DEATH should be LOOKED FORWARD TO. They don’t want to improve society. They want apocalypse.
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Health care should be a right, not a privilege in America.
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I guarantee most of these corporations pour money into Republican super PACs please do not give them undue credit
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The CDC removing isolation time for COVID is even more upsetting if you know that doctors say the absolute best way to prevent lingering symptoms / Long COVID is to get copious amounts of TOTAL REST following a positive diagnosis
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Pls check your kids’ candy I just found out the chocolate my kid got was toxic
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Tight, swifties started hate RTing this post and now someone is in my mentions misgendering me and telling me ‘they’d kill me in Palestine’. Cool fanbase you have there!!!!
Great job being normal everybody
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There is not a single state in the US where working full time at minimum wage allows you to afford a one bedroom apartment. That means it’s not a minimum wage anymore, it is a means of forcing desperation among your working class so you can continue to exploit them. Period.
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Imagine you’re so excited to drink in bars with friends again after a year inside, and you finally all get vaccinated, you get together and go out to a place, and just as you find a table and are settling in someone taps a mic and announces a comedy show is starting in 5 minutes
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Once you’ve worked in these jobs and gotten to intimately understand the class of people who never served and have only ever *been* served before, you realize those people have a totally baby-brained Richard Scary ass idea of the way the world works for the rest of us.
food service and retail work genuinely changes ur brain chemistry and your view of the public forever
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Like, no ethical consumption under capitalism does not mean we shouldn’t recognize the problems with consumerism or with the sources of the things we consume. It just means don’t kys from guilt if you aren’t living off grid with zero carbon footprint, just try to do what you can.
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The Biden admin has allowed states to prematurely kick ppl off unemployment without raising the minimum wage and now will be allowing states to allocate those withheld funds meant for COVID relief to increase police budgets instead of aiding the unemployed/ those facing eviction.
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I just spent way too long making this lol help
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The pigeons and the roaches are my brothers
The street rats and the sparrows are my peeps
And we are all connected to each other
In a city full of trash that never sleeps🎶
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One of the worst parts of the last few years has been the way people keep dying super young from like a stroke or heart attack bc they have gotten COVID repeatedly and everyone is just like “wow what a weird freak occurrence that could never have been predicted or prevented!”
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I just wanna say if you’re one of the doctors who commented to say you don’t do this, that’s great, but to those saying NO doctors do this...take a look at the fact that this post has resonated with over 170 thousand people, clearly some ppl are having experiences w Drs who do.
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Millennials are killing the millennial industry
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damn can’t believe this sentient van did this
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Apparently all we have to do is slip our rape kits into their Starbucks cups and that shit will get processed ASAP
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I was gonna read that Esquire article about how tough life is for white men but then I just went to an open mic instead
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Did the American work ethic die or did workers just decide work wasn’t worth dying for?
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In other words, if you’re using this phrase as an excuse to buy a video game that directly supports a shitty transphobe pls yeet thyself into the sun
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I don’t know what lib needs to hear this, but-
LESSER OF TWO EVILS ARGUMENTS ARE NO LONGER COMPELLING WHEN THE “LESSER” EVIL SUPPORTS A GENOCIDE.
Some of us actually have steadfast ethical boundaries. Like, idk, arming and backing a genocide that’s killed over 10,000 kids.
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Have these “nobody wants to work anymore” ppl ever consider that ppl didn’t want to in the first place??
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I need people to understand that characterizing what is happening to Palestinians as a “war” is a form of genocide denial.
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