Cooper Lawrence
@CooperLawrence
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Following
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Multiple Gracie Award Winning Radio Host, TV chick @sunriseon7, Published Author, Irritant. Listen to me @CBSNewsRadio
USA
Joined February 2009
Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough.
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Boyfriend: what are you doing I thought you were on a keto diet?. Me: *crunch* no *crunch* *crunch* I said “Cheeto”.
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RT @TheBoydP: The five second rule for food dropped on the floor means something else when you have a dog.
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RT @skittle624: Husband: Are you making popcorn?. Me: No, those sounds are just my bones cracking.
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RT @kristabellerina: Adulting is napping on the couch and then moving to the bed so you can nap longer and wake up without pain.
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RT @sweetmomissa: Me: *wraps my burger in lettuce instead of a bun. My son: is a giraffe coming for dinner?.
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I would never do Ozempic. I like my thighs thick so I can fit the most puppies on my lap.
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Things I did not enjoy at this Fourth of July family barbecue .1. Family .2. Barbecue.
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You call it therapy I call it personality tech support.
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RT @BobGolen: I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.
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RT @ddsmidt: The fact that America never converted to the metric system is empirical evidence that if you put something off long enough, yo….
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[Me reading an email on June 30th]. “Please respond to this email by June 10th”.
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Friend : where’s your boyfriend . Me: he’s on a run. Friend: isn’t it too hot to be exercising . Me: its a beer run.
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RT @deloisivete: extreme heat warning: stay inside . me, who is always very inside anyway: you got it.
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RT @ddsmidt: I tell my dogs “No, no, no! We’re not doing that!” Then I realized this phrase works with people also.
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