Whenever #God closes a door... my ears pop from the change in #AirPressure.

And we’re still not watching.

What’s your least favorite pizza topping? A goiter?

Don’t tell me the percussionists aren’t on drugs. The dancers, I’m not sure… https://t.co/V1I1Js7IJq

Never run a fruit stand if you're in an action movie.

Yes - at least one. I have a friend up there who is sensible, and no fan of MN’s current leadership.

Rob, thank you for those words. I have always been one of your diehard fans, man. I like seeing you up there standing for all the good values that this country represents. Lot of work to be done, but I’m here for it, and I know you are as well.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH? Classless perpetual student quarterback Carson Beck… …and your slacker co-worker?

Who named Greenland’s capitol? Curly Howard?

Two things I’ve yet to see in my lifetime: 1) A Sasquatch And 2) The headline “Government program ends because it’s achieved its goals and solved the problem.” I hold out hope I get to see a Sasquatch though.

@catturd2 What happened in the church was 💯 percent a written script, choreographed, and directed by a team of evil people.

🔥🔥🔥

What “all in” looks like.

“I have a dream today…”

She kissed a girl and she did not like it.

It’s 3:30pm. Wife and I just ate dinner. If we get any older, we’ll have to start eating our meals yesterday.

Where are the protests for the Nigerian Christians? Over 100,000 Christians have been murdered by Islamic thugs!

President Trump has the entire world focused on Greenland - so you know he’s doing 10 other huge things that nobody is noticing way over there. Trump has “LOOK SQUIRREL!” down to a science.

Incredible. “I will tell you something I haven’t said publicly that deserves to be said. We were seeing 10-12 Fentanyl overdoses per day…and now we see 1 or 2. Closing the borders has made America safer…”

https://t.co/htjbbLhgcI

Is #Zuckerberg just another character played by Sacha Baron Cohen?