You’re not imagining things—the plums that were in your icebox are *gone*. Here’s why that’s bad news: • They were *your plums*, that you were saving for breakfast. That makes this personal for you. • They were *sweet*, so whoever ate them *enjoyed* them. That’s unforgivable.

Shitting in the Dallas airport and a old janitor slid a mop under the stall and said “lift ya legs up for me partner”

THIS IS LIKE WATCHING THE MONA LISA BEING PAINTED I JUST SCREAMEDFJDKFJ

If the pilgrims would have killed a cat, we would all be eating pussy 4 Thanksgiving! Que ricooooooooooo HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

ken burns introducing any new historical figure in the american revolution doc

everything costs money

as soon as you start going to the movies alone, you’ll never go back im so serious

Summer break highlights don't come much better than Oscar Piastri's 🐢😂

https://t.co/jrrpz2bsHb

saturday night wooo let’s get crazy let’s pick the skin around our fingernails

https://t.co/eHcotUXYOW

oh you don't like ABBA? keep that shit to yourself that's high key embarrassing

Happy 4th

calenderheads peep february 2026. you dont see em laid out like this often anymore. something to look forward to

got asked if i have a printer and now im like what if i bought a printer and became the friend with a printer? come on over big dog let’s have a beer and print those documents for you

me at my friends wedding after i told her she can do better

https://t.co/aREDGsiXCd

the way this company preys on women’s desires is SICK

https://t.co/p8ircC5oFf