Deke Zucker
@Barstool_Quotes
Followers
87,714
Following
374
Media
5,576
Statuses
72,354
Sage Wisdom from Barstool Sports • "The hardest working Barstool employee (who doesn't work for Barstool)." -- Dave Portnoy • Instagram archive: barstoolquotes
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Pinned Tweet
For all the gambling savages out there get a
@BarstoolBigCat
"Bet The Under" shirt and change your betting luck!
15
23
318
"Remember when
@CallHerDaddy
chirped us about being ahead of PMT [on Podcast rankings] for the first time, I said, yeah, now do that three times a week for four years and then talk to me. And six months later? They're done." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
39
363
8K
BREAKING NEWS: Dave is betting ALL 53 UNDERS TODAY. And he's putting $10k on each game. $530,000 bet total today. THIS WILL BE CRAZY. "Barstool Sports might end up on eBay." --
@PFTCommenter
108
646
7K
BREAKING NEWS: ESPN is trying to say that Joe Burrow said on
@PardonMyTake
that he took real money from Odell. Burrow NEVER confirmed it was real money.
"ESPN lies! It's the top story on ESPN. ... They did not ask if it was real money. ESPN is illegal!" --
@BarstoolBigCat
33
294
6K
If we get
#TeamHank
trending on Twitter I'll consider posting the list of Barstool employees Reddit burners I got a year ago from one of the back end database guys who worked there
#HankForever
#MiltonStrong
221
232
6K
"It's a federal crime to watch the video." -- Dave Portnoy on
@BarstoolRadio
"Is it?" --
@BarstoolBigCat
"Yes." -- Dave
"Well, Tommy's committed 300 federal crimes then." -- Big Cat
16
101
6K
BREAKING NEWS: Per Dave on
@DavePortnoyShow
-- Frank the Tank
@NjTank99
is coming on FULL TIME at Barstool!
131
149
4K
"My son
@stoolpresidente
graduated from the University of Michigan. I paid for it. And he doesn't know where the Eiffel Tower is. People say he's busy with Barstool, but he's been like this for years. I should sue Michigan. He came out a dotard." --
@TheCousinMIke
on
#TheCousins
8
94
4K
BREAKING NEWS: Per
@WalkTheLine
here is the official list of people that are going to Vegas with
@DanaB_Number3
:
DanaB
Marty
JackMac 2
Kara
Kara Friend 1
Kara Friend 2
PFT
Donnie Does
92
55
4K
"I have bigger fish to fry than
@callherdaddy
podcast. I got McDonalds, Amex, Budweiser, NHL franchises cutting checks. You think I'm worried that CHD didn't like me NOT whipping out dick? I got twice as many kills as both of them combined." --
@BizNasty2point0
on
@BarstoolRadio
23
153
4K
"I never saw Barstool as a place I could work for 20 years. And now I absolutely do. People have been saying I'm going to ESPN for 10 years. And I keep signing 7 year contracts every 3 months." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
15
45
4K
"I was a seven time sex haver last weekend." --
@DanaB_Number3
on
@PicksCentral
[stunned silence]
"You're just putting that out there?" --
@BWalkerSEC
"You forget, I'm a douche bag." -- Dana B
48
58
4K
The Worst Person in the World:
A True Story in Four Parts
54
237
4K
BREAKING NEWS: Per Dave Portnoy on
@DavePortnoyShow
--
@ColeyMick
is the new Editor-in-Chief of the Barstool blog.
"The transition is already happening." -- Dave
87
88
4K
Fun fact.
You know that when you upvote something on Reddit there's a permanent record of it, even if you unlike it? So, hypothetically, say you're a content person (with a podcast), when there's a thread on there shitting on
@stoolpresidente
and you upvote it?
🤔🤔
#TeamHank
86
35
4K
Barstool Week in Review:
-
#ZillionBeers
wins internet, DanaB gives $100k to Frates
-
@BarstoolTrent
goes on
#Bachelor
ratings up 13%
-
@kirkmin
has 2 fastest sellouts in Wilbur history
- Barstool teams up with NASCAR/Clint Bowyer
- Bieber DMs Ria on air
- Penn stock +10%
22
153
3K
BREAKING NEWS:
@danawhite
will be calling a "few fights" for the upcoming Rough 'N Rowdy!!!!!!
15
91
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6'4". 12 and 10. Zillion beers. A million in merch. $100k to the Frates Foundation.
Was once nicknamed Pussy.
Almost dated
@BWalkerSEC
's sister.
Went toe to toe with Portnoy. Won.
Barstool Legend.
@DanaB_Number3
take a bow.
12
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LOVE this photo of
@ryanwhitney6
from the NHL Network home page. Makes him look like the assistant manager of a mattress store that you meet at a bar and tells you that you can get a 20% discount, and then when you show up acts like he doesn't know you.
@RearAdBsBlog
36
187
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"Not to get political, but my son got vaccinated this morning. He's a chill ass baby. He just chills." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
13
59
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BREAKING NEWS: Per
@BarstoolYak
-- If
@BarstoolBigCat
and
@CoachDuggs
stay at Tennessee for a third year, he will do the entire season in ONE DAY.
"This will be the rule if I stay anywhere for a third year." -- Big Cat
👀👀👀
19
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"Good thing
@BarstoolBigCat
was a kid because these were the days of the unders." -- Scott Van Pelt on ESPN Sportscenter
6
60
3K
"We walk into a bar. It's me and Ellie and
@FeitsBarstool
. Ellie's between us. The waitress comes up to me and says, 'I'm sorry, kids can't be at the bar.' She thought John and I brought our child to the bar." -
@KayceSmith
on
#CCK
"She thought I was their kid." -
@holy_schnitt
6
38
3K
"This is one thing [Dave] takes VERY seriously. Guy code. You don't date another guys girl. In Dave's mind this crosses a line you shouldn't cross. He was VERY fired up." --
@KFCBarstool
on
@KevinClancyShow
#TeamHank
15
41
3K
"I dated a girl who had a sugar daddy." -
@Jared_Carrabis
on
#CCK
"You knew about it?" -
@KayceSmith
"Yep. I benefited from it." - Jared
"You were OK with her sleeping with him?" - Kayce
"No. She didn't fuck him." - Jared
"You're the dumbest person on the planet." - Kayce
14
36
3K
"Wait. Talladega is in Alabama?" --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolRadio
"Yep." -- Dave Portnoy
"What town?" --
@BarstoolBigCat
"Talladega." -- Dave Portnoy
"Makes sense." --
@BarstoolBigCat
6
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BREAKING: Hank and
@BarstoolBigCat
were waiting in the lobby for ARod and JLo. In the lobby was
@Buck
. Big Cat says to Joe Buck, "listen, Joe, can you come over and say, 'Hey Big Cat? What's up!'" So Joe Buck came over and said hey to BigCat and pretended not to know ARod and Jlo
7
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BREAKING: Dave Portnoy asked Stuart Varney if he could come on Varney & Co. and defend himself, told "we're fully booked." So Portnoy wrote an Op Ed for Fox News instead, out today.
When Varney later said they wanted Dave to come on, he said, "Sorry, I'm fully booked."
#DDTG
6
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Guess what? Just got DM'd that there is also a list of Barstool Employee Twitter Burners out there as well ...
🤣🤣🤣
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BREAKING:
@calebpressley
is leaving right after the
@BarstoolYak
and will be embedded with the Missouri football team "for an indefinite amount of time. They like Barstool, the coach likes Barstool, the pres of the Univ. likes Barstool. We can be around them the whole season."
31
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BREAKING:
@ClayTravis
came up to
@stoolpresidente
at the U.S. Open, wanted to "repair relationship" and have Dave on his show -- Dave said no. When asked why, Dave said "Because I don't like you."
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UPDATE 2: Riggs v. Whitney will take place on October 9 at Greathorse in Hampden, Mass. $10k on the line. Riggs gets 3 strokes. Biz on the bag for Whit, Frankie on the bag for Riggs. Dave and Big Cat commenting through Social Media.
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BREAKING:
@CoachDuggs
and
@NjTank99
will be launching a new podcast next week, "Barstool Units" -- in which they explore becoming new gamblers and other aspects of the Unit life.
27
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"[Jay Cutler] was lazy in retirement??? WHAT'S RETIREMENT FOR! Dude made $120 million!!!" --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
9
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2K
"I've had sex with my wife two nights in a row." --
@BWalkerSEC
on
#WalkTheLine
"Are you ok?" --
@marty_mush
"Yes." -- Brandon
"You can't be good at that. You keep your shirt on during sex?" -- Marty
"No." -- Brandon
"You just let your titties flop??" -- Marty
5
36
2K
Too many new Stoolies out there.
Back in the day on
@BarstoolRadio
a week didn't go by where there wasn't drama like this.
#FeelsLike2016
#BringBackBarstoolRadio
#TeamHank
34
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2K
"Have you ever seen someone who's really fucking nasty in Microsoft excel? It's awesome. It's a thing of beauty. It's honestly cool." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
37
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2K
"Dude I have some news. We're fucked. I came in today and there was a guy sitting there I didn't know. ... I shook his hand? He introduced himself and said, 'I'm compliance from Penn National.' ... That's trouble." --
@calebpressley
on
@BarstoolYak
24
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2K
People gonna be SOOOO pissed when all this drama dies down eventually and I go back to tweeting about the Twins and the Minnesota High School Hockey Tournament
🤣🤣🤣
#TeamHank
59
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2K
BREAKING: Per
@JonTaffer
on No Excuses Pad: "I will design the bar for [Barstool] new offices, I will provide all the materials, I will provide all the supervisors, but I want your crew to actually build it." This means PFT, Big Cat, et al. will ACTUALLY be building it.
#WOW
18
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2K
BREAKING: Per Dave on
@PicksCentral
they are getting a gambling bus and traveling from Casino to Casino for March Madness.
"We'll meet Barstool people along the way." -
@BarstoolBigCat
"I very much envision it like the bus in Hoosiers, with a train of cars following." - Dave
35
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2K
If
@alexandracooper
does the first solo episode of
@CallHerDaddy
in one of those official Coach Duggs Tennessee Vols t-shirt, the internet may very well explode
@BarstoolBigCat
14
37
2K
"My sister's coming to the city [in December], and I don't want either one of you to fuck her. She's 24." --
@BWalkerSEC
on
#WalkTheLine
[pregnant pause]
"I'll see what she looks like first." --
@DanaB_Number3
"Can you imagine if I became your son-in-law?" --
@marty_mush
10
36
2K
BREAKING NEWS: Dave Portnoy personally donated $20k to the Penn State Dance Marathon, part of the largest student run charity in the country located at Penn State.
#BiggerMan
#BrickByBrick
11
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2K
BREAKING: After a dismal performance in the National Title game (six picks), Tennessee Volunteer senior quarterback and Heisman runner-up
@CalebPressley
was NOT selected in the NFL Draft. He becomes the highest finisher in the Heisman to not be drafted since Jason White in 2003.
18
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2K
"What I didn't say is that my very, very best guy friends who I actually consider brothers would not want to hook up with me." --
@KayceSmith
"How long have you known them?" --
@KFCBarstool
"10-15 years." -- Kayce
"That's how long they've wanted to hook up with you." -- KFC
13
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2K
"What if Rico, Dave, and I just dropped a Pick 'Em pod on the
@CallHerDaddy
feed?" --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
😂😂😂
14
26
2K
BREAKING:
@BarstoolBigCat
has been asked to be in a new Stone Cold Steve Austin documentary!!!
"I was asked to appear in a very important documentary about a historical figure." -- Big Cat
[Brandon Walker audibly sulking]
4
26
2K
"We bought
@MikeGrinnell_
a Rolex for Xmas." -
@ryanwhitney6
on
@BarstoolRadio
"Why would I care?" - Dave
"Because I feel like you hate Grinnell." - Whit
"He'd look like an absolute asshole in a Rolex. Rolex and JC Penney clothes. No one's going to believe it's a real." - Dave
8
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2K
BREAKING NEWS: Dave is going to unleash The Meme Dog on his first victim ...
@darrenrovell
!!!
"I have at the push of a button, the meme god. Darren Rovell? We're going to meme him to death. He's the perfect guy to cripple with memes." -- Dave
#RIPDarren
19
25
2K
BREAKING NEWS: some guy at the Barstool Classic last night stole a photo off
@holy_schnitt
's desk then DM'd her right now asking for drinks and a date so he can give it back.
Don't think this is going to work out the way you think it will, Ben W. Brayson.
31
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2K
"There should be a law... If you kill a species in Africa and do a trophy picture, you have to do it with your pants off. We've got to see your small dick. I guarantee none of these guys would do it. They wouldn't show their tiny small penises." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
17
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2K
BREAKING NEWS:
@LargeBarstool
has signed a TWO YEAR CONTRACT with Barstool with an option for a third!
#CONGRATS
!!!!!!
"First time in 25 years I'll be unable to trade stocks. ... Me letting them expire means I'm not going back to the industry. I'm extremely happy." -- Large
14
14
2K
BREAKING NEWS:
@MichaelRapaport
basically punked out on fight with
@stoolpresidente
-- Dave had Barstool lawyers send contract, opened new bank account, put 250k in it, Rapaport's lawyers responded instead of Michael. No go. Rapaport 100% wussed out.
#Pussy
25
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2K
Here's a tip ... every Barstool employee posting about releasing the list (that I've seen) can rest easy tonight.
Those that haven't?
Might be a bad week for you.
#TeamHank
64
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2K
BREAKING NEWS: Per
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
, if USC, LSU, and Wisconsin come calling during Coaching Carousel tonight,
@CoachDuggs
will be on the move.
"Those three? I'm gone." -- Big Cat
34
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2K
"Riggs, your eyes, they look like they're recrossing." -- Dave Portnoy on
@BarstoolRadio
"The doctor said for 3-6 months, they might oscillate in and out before they're perfectly straight." --
@RiggsBarstool
"That's exciting." -- Dave
2
16
2K
"When Barstool picked up
@CallHerDaddy
, it was nothing. Call Her Daddy became Call Her Daddy because of Barstool." --
@LoganPaul
👀👀👀
8
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2K
"For me, for my brand, I just have to take a step back. ... My first order of business is take care of my [family]. For me, it's me first. I won't say I won't say hi to you in the morning, but for right now, I have to take one step back." --
@Jerrythekid21
on MJ&T
#TeamHank
42
25
2K
"Yo! Shea read her first book!" --
@KFCBarstool
on
#CCK
"What was it?" --
@Jared_Carrabis
"10 Apples Up On Top by Dr. Seuss." --
@KFCBarstool
"That's not impressive. I could read that right now." --
@Jared_Carrabis
6
69
2K
Today in Barstool History: 2012 Dave fixes the Olympics with one tweet
3
142
2K
The ex-boyfriend having to watch all this unfold in real time while getting body bagged by the internet is like adding 1000 gallons of jet fuel to the inferno that is the
#ZillionBeers
romantic rendezvous. It's a St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
15
54
2K
"There's a rumor that there is a sound, like a super ultra sonic sound, that vibrates at a wave we can't hear but blows up the mice's brains." --
@_Rone
on
@BarstoolYak
"Yeah. It's called
@callherdaddy
." --
@BarstoolBigCat
12
31
2K
BREAKING: Per
@EveningYak
--
@PardonMyTake
is up for an iHeart Radio "Best Sports Podcast" Award
9
68
2K
"We should start with the biggest news:
@CallHerDaddy
... Looks like everything we predicted would happen, would happen. I think we even said one of you would get a boyfriend, and then it's all over." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
4
25
2K
NBC Since 2016:
-Sat on Billy Bush tape
-Fired Matt Lauer for "inappropriate sexual behavior"
-Blocked Weinstein article
-Tom Brokaw accused of sexual harassment by 2 women
NBC 2018:
"The climate of fear [for women at NBC] is worse than ever." - Linda Vester (in USA Today)
Barstool Sports and the persistence of traditional masculinity in sports culture.
1K
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958
7
157
2K
Oh and I also have the screen caps from deleted burners dating back FIVE years ...
Not saying I'll do it ... but I will say if I do
@KFCBarstool
and five or six others will be bringing baseball bats into HQ
#TeamHank
#SnakesInTheWeeds
45
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2K
BREAKING NEWS:
@UncleChaps
daughter -- the shut down defender -- is going on
#GoodMorningAmerica
today. She's also going to a San Antonio Spurs basketball camp. Just goes to show you where
#LockDownDefense
will get you!
8
20
2K
"I have a $10k bet with a friend who's having a kid in a month. Were going to hire a panel when they turn 18 to decide who did a better job. Like, getting into school, arrest record, athletics..." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
5
36
2K
Going to hop on the
@KevinClancyShow
... it'll be very interesting. I'm sure he has a ton of questions
#TeamHank
42
10
2K
"I'd be pissed if I died today, because I'm going to a black strip club with Willie tonight. ... That's how he described it! I'm a big fan of black women." --
@FeitsBarstool
"You're going into concussion protocol (after tonight)." --
@willcolon66
4
20
2K
"The problem with moving is 85% is done over a weekend, and the last 15% takes four years." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
2
40
2K
"[On
@PardonMyTake
]
@hen_ease
forgot the word Flight Attendant so he used the term 'Air Mistress.'" --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
7
24
2K
Incredible that what gets you thrown in jail in one state makes you a goddamn hero in another.
West Virginia >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Connecticut.
⛈THE PERFECT STORM⛈
⛈THE PERFECT END⛈
⛈THE PERFECT STORY⛈
23
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8K
4
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2K
"[The
@callherdaddy
girls] are better friends than you and I because if we were on that rooftop and you turned that deal down,
@marty_mush
, I'm throwing you off that fucking roof." --
@BwalkerSEC
on
@WalkTheLine
0
29
2K
"There's zero comparison between
@kirkmin
and
@holy_schnitt
. Ellie makes money. Kirk doesn't." -- Dave Portnoy on
@BarstoolRundown
😮😮😮
36
22
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LOVE the SVP shout out for
@CoachDuggs
and
@BarstoolBigCat
!!!
PoopyStinks is BESIDE himself right now!
6
50
2K
My apologies to
@RearAdBsBlog
@ryanwhitney6
@BizNasty2point0
and
@MikeGrinnell_
... I had an alert to tweet this out on Sunday, December 15th but it didn't work.
Dec. 15 was
@spittinchiclets
birthday ... This is the tweet that started it all.
Congratulations, boys!
9
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ALERT: D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss) grad is debating
@BWalkerSEC
(Miss. St. Grad) live right now.
"We won't talk about your worm farm
@BWalkerSEC
. But how about your Man Tits?" -- D.K. Metcalf on
@BarstoolYak
6
35
2K
BREAKING NEWS: Rough 'N Rowdy 11 will be in Miami for the Super Bowl. Fighting will be:
STU FEINER
@StuSource
DOUBLE VODKA DON
@DoubleVodkaDon
30
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"We do have a rat. We're going to have to do something about that. We had a conference call at 10:00 ... not 90 seconds later a journalist hit up Erika. We have a rat. ... I'm going to manhunt the fuck out of this rat." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@BarstoolYak
16
9
2K
"Did you hear what
@RobbieBarstool
did? He wasn't included in the email or tweet, and he was very much there. As soon as he walked in today, he went into Dave's office and said, I wasn't included in the email but I was there, and I'm sorry." --
@ColeyMick
on
#CCP
#ManOfHonor
4
17
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BREAKING:
@DaMidgetZimbo
wants to fight Mini Bagel Man at
#RoughNRowdy
.
"I don't like how he's representing our people." -- Zah
#GetItDone
4
48
2K
Top 7 Absolute Worst Cars to Use to Stage A Violent Kidnapping & Overthrow of the Government:
1. PT Cruiser (Classic Ed.)
2. PT Cruiser (Limited Ed.)
3. PT Cruiser (Touring Ed.)
4. PT Cruiser (Dream Cruiser)
5. PT Cruiser (Street Cruiser)
6. PT Cruiser (PCH Ed)
7. PT Cruiser GT
62
213
2K
"I don't trust any girl who wants to hook up with me. My biggest turn off is girls with bad taste." --
@NickTurani
on
@BarstoolYak
2
68
2K
There's a dude fighting right now on
#UFCTampa
who has the nickname "Violent Bob Ross." And he's violent. And looks like Bob Ross. Nice to know there is still some truth in advertising.
18
305
1K
BREAKING: Dan Katz, Dave Portnoy, and Stu Feiner are doing a gambling show. Would be most ELECTRIC of all time.
33
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"It's crazy how much love I have in my heart for my son. It's actually scary. ... The love I have for my son actually hurts my heart. It's crazy." --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@PicksCentral
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
16
22
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BREAKING: The first stop for the College Football Show will be Texas A&M at Clemson.
@TomScibelli
is off the show, and
@BWalker_SEC
has replaced him. So its Dave,
@BarstoolBigCat
, Thomas Brandon Walker, and
@KayceSmith
.
45
66
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"I have guy friends who don't want to hook up with me!" --
@KayceSmith
on
#CCK
"No you don't!" --
@KFCBarstool
"Yes I do! They're like my brothers." -- Kayce
"And they want to do some PornHub incest shit." -- KFC
18
13
2K
BREAKING NEWS: Coach Duggs has taken the head coaching positions at Texas Tech UNiversity
"Air Raid! Air Raid! Air Raid! I don't have to play defense in the Big 12!" --
@BarstoolBigCat
on
@PardonMyTake
#LiveTwitchStream
7
45
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"I think Dave's approach to this interview was to make people laugh and air his grievances about Goodell. If I was asked to interview the president, I would have done it...I can't sit here and say he should turn down an interview with the President." --
@PFTCommenter
on
#CCK
15
27
2K
"I had to play hockey against a girl at New Bedford. It was nerve wracking going up the face off circle. She just looked at me and said, 'eat my fucking box.' She won that face off." --
@FeitsBarstool
on
#CCK
9
76
2K
ALERT:
@PFTCommenter
has purchased the rooting interests of
@Jared_Carrabis
for $42. Included in the deal is the Rocket.
"Jared is now officially on the Nats bandwagon." -- PFT
9
23
2K
"Me screaming at you to suck my dick with my son in the car was not my best moment. So I took a month off social media." --
@ryanwhitney6
on
@BarstoolRadio
4
22
1K