Jane Austen First Drafts
@Austen1stDrafts
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If Lady Catherine had ever learnt to tweet, she would have been a great proficient • All Jane Austen, all the Jane Austime • Tweets by @procrastiwrite • she/her
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Pinned Tweet
Academy members, watch this scene before voting for Best Picture.
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“I'm twenty-seven years old, I've no money and no prospects. I'm already too old for Leonardo DiCaprio and I’m frightened. So don't you judge me, Lizzy. Don't you dare judge me!”
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“Slut era” I say, as I lie on the couch and rewatch Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the thousandth time.
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Me: You will never believe this.
My offline friend: This better not be about Kate Middleton again.
Me:
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“Sorry, I can’t come to work today, it’s my people’s highest holiday.”
pride & prejudice (2005) was released 17 years ago today
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Still makes me laugh that Leonardo DiCaprio is responsible for the success of this account.
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@bookishseawitch
The grill is his only refuge. The grill is all. He flips the meat, he braises it. He can never stop. If he stops, the thoughts intrude. He skewers the meat. He drinks the whiskey. He is alone in the universe.
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"I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased!”
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We all come to Jane Austen for different reasons, but we all stay for the same reason: dunking on Mr. Collins.
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Jane Austen: *nods sardonically* Wish I had thought of that
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Elizabeth Bennet is a stronger woman than I am, because if a guy I’d rejected caught me touring his house I would jump into his lake and keep going until I made it to the ocean.
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Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself was kind enough to suggest that these shelves be fitted exactly as you see them there.
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No, Buzzfeed, I do not need to take a quiz to find out which Jane Austen character I am. I’m Lady Bertram’s pug. I spend all day chilling on the couch, eating cake, and drinking in the drama unfolding around me.
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German Shepherd husband? No thanks, I want a Springer Spaniel husband:
- uncomfortable in crowds
- constant eye contact
- follows you wherever you go
- jumps into random lakes at a moment’s notice
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Persuasion was published on this day in 1817. Making it 205 years of every other love letter not being good enough.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Austen changed our lives when she published “Pride and Prejudice” on this day in 1813. Thank you for this amazing gift, Jane.
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Darcy: You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
Elizabeth:
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Persuasion was published on this day in 1817. Making it 206 years of every other love letter not being good enough.
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If you know who this house belongs to, we can be friends
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This is my favorite sub-genre of cake
It’s my 27th birthday this week should I buy myself the pride and prejudice cake
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Mr. Wickham: Dear sisters!
Elizabeth, Kitty, and Jane:
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Someone would like to have a word…
when girls turn 27 they choose one of these characters to base their entire personality around
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me (not handling things) to my friend (also not handling things): I think you handled it perfectly
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I think we've been more than fair. We've given Emma Thompson 28 peaceful years to live her life. It's time she gives us another Austen adaptation. Now.
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Just sayin’
some people might not like it but this is the ideal male form
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I never thought I was the kind of person to fall for a scam, but then I found myself leaving Brighton with Mr. Wickham.
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As much as I hate to admit it, I have a lot in common with Caroline Bingley. I love judging other people, the most exercise I get is walking across the room, and I have no idea how to get a date.
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So depression Barbie watches BBC’s Pride and Prejudice on a loop, but what Barbie obsesses over Johnny Flynn’s Knightley sprawled on his rug?
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I don’t know about this new Twitter policy…
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I know Lizzie was right to reject Mr. Collins and Darcy the first time he proposed, but if anyone with a house wants to marry me I’m down.
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I'm no economist, but the duke-to-populace ratio in historical romances is unsustainable.
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Kensington Palace spokeswoman Grace Poole says, “Don’t worry about those noises in the attic. It’s definitely not Kate Middleton.”
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Apologies, but I will not be issuing refunds for my Live Pride and Prejudice Experience at this time.
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Reading Jane Austen and pretending I know the difference between a barouche, a chaise, a landau, a phaeton, a gig, and a curricle.
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Sometimes good things happen to good people
Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen are the Lizzy Bennet and Mr. Darcy of our dreams.
Pride & Prejudice is now on Netflix.
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Have compassion for your mother’s poor nerves this Mother’s Day. You don’t know what she suffers.
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All classic novels need to add a haters section
My copy of Pride & Prejudice ends with a selection of literary notables who hate Pride & Prejudice
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Forget hot girl summer, I’m ready for Austen girl autumn.
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I just want to specify that I am not a parody account. I am actually the reanimated corpse of Jane Austen.
Going forward, any Twitter handles engaging in impersonation without clearly specifying “parody” will be permanently suspended
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Lady Catherine de Bourgh after losing her blue checkmark:
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Happy 248th birthday, Jane Austen! Thank you for gifting us with an incredible literary catalog, and for raising our dating standards!
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Ask and ye shall receive!
Someone make Mr. Elton open that elaborate frame and it's an ad for Cervesa Cristal
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Welcome new followers! If you came here looking for hot takes on minor Jane Austen characters, then you came to the right place.
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When he’s offering those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies
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EXCLUSIVE: Friends of Mrs. Bennet have blamed “an excess of nerves,” including Lady Lucas’ repeated retorts on Mrs. Bennet of the comfort of having a daughter well married, as being at least partly responsible for her absence from Meryton society.
EXCLUSIVE: Friends of Kate Middleton have blamed “intense stress,” including the fall-out from Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s repeated denunciations of her and Prince William, as being at least partly responsible for her absence from public life.
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POV: you're the shades of Pemberley and you've been thus polluted.
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Last night I dreamt I went to Cholmondeley again.
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One of the biggest problems in our society is that not enough people are talking about how Stanley Tucci should play Mr. Bennet.
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“You may store your classified documents in Mrs. Jenkinson’s room. They would be in nobody’s way, you know, in that part of the house.”
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Torn between wanting to go back in time to hang with Jane Austen, and being relieved that I’ll never meet her because she would write me into a book as an eccentric spinster who repeats the same joke over and over while the other characters awkwardly shift in their seats.
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I am half agony, half hope, half tired, half full of cheese, and half bad at math.
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Caroline Bingley lied to us. I just took a turn about the room, but I don’t feel even a little bit refreshed.
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💕 Happy Valentine’s Day to them, and only them💕
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Not half agony, not half hope, but a secret third thing (fully screaming).
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Saying “goodbye”
- unoriginal
- unassertive
- unrefined
Saying “I take no leave of you. I send no compliments to your mother.”
- original
- bold
- preserves the distinction of rank
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I think about their marriage every damn day.
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When Jane Austen wrote, "I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal," I felt that in my soul.
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Almost as soon as I entered the house I singled you out as blue check worthy.
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HENRY. TILNEY.
Dev Patel on if he'd ever do a rom-com: "Wish I could do a ROM COM! I'm a romantic at heart".
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I hope season 3 of Sanditon addresses the great hair pin shortage of 1820.
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Elizabeth Bennet touring Pemberley before Mr. Darcy arrives.
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Jane Austen died on this day in 1817 at the age of 41. If we loved you less, Jane, we might be able to talk about it more ❤️
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my toxic trait is that i love too much and feel too deeply. also that i’m evil
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Do you guys ever think about how Jane Austen wouldn’t like you?
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Me: Pride and Prejudice (2005) is really great!
The internet: Oh, so you HATE Pride and Prejudice (1995)?!
Me: What?
The internet: I guess you also hate the book???
Me: I would like to go home now.
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Imagine needing two and a half years of income to buy your own shirt.
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Buzzfeed Quiz: You’re not Elizabeth Bennet; you’re Lydia Bennet.
Me:
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Northanger Abbey was published on this day in 1817. Celebrate by accusing your crush’s dad of murder.
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As someone who joined in on the memes, I truly hope Kate gets the best treatment and recovers soon. I also hope she sacks her entire PR team, especially whoever blamed her for the photoshopping. What a mess.
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I’m an Austen purist. I demand that all Austen adaptations be historically accurate. Instead of filming them, audience members must visit country houses to watch the actors perform each scene. The runtime for Pride and Prejudice is 14 months, 3 days, and 7 hours.
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So ready to make this my entire personality for six months
Sam Claflin in ‘THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO’ series adaptation.
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I came here to drink tea and pollute the shades of Pemberley. And I’m all out of tea.
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I complain every time I sit down to write. Meanwhile, Jane Austen had to make her own ink, sharpen a quill, sit at a tiny table by candlelight, and write a full novel on the equivalent of the back of an old take-out menu.
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“To your sister I wish all imaginable happiness; to Willoughby, that he may endeavor to deserve her.”
We talk a lot about Darcy and Wentworth, but Colonel Brandon is an all-time great Austen hero.
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“Catch me, Captain Wentworth!” “Louisa, NO!”
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My favorite fashion style is Regency heist mastermind
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Sorry, but it’s just not believable that Elizabeth wouldn’t fall in love with this face as soon as she saw it.
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Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig are the only humans who can’t relate to this Jane Austen quote, “What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.”
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I love audiobooks, because I can improve my mind by extensive reading, while displaying my figure to the greatest advantage in walking.
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[My 5yo niece sees gingerbread Darcy]
Niece: Who is that man?
Me: How much time do you have?
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Oh, you ardently admire and love me? Name two things about me that aren’t my fine eyes.
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Going as Pemberley’s lake for Halloween so Colin Firth will dive into me.
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The Marchioness of Cholmondeley sounds like she’s been intended for Mr. Darcy since her infancy. It was the favourite wish of his mother, as well as of hers!
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Meet the ‘elite’ couple breeding to save mankind.
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@blgtylr
Like, thanks, Jane. I really needed to be reminded that true estrangement is between the self you wish to be and the self that your own actions have created.
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