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delia Profile
delia

@delia_cai

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36,781
Following
2,537
Media
1,983
Statuses
18,825

writer @vanityfair (but they wanna lay me and dozens of colleagues off, but @condeunion is fighting for us 💪) / author of CENTRAL PLACES / deez links 4 life

New York
Joined April 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@delia_cai
delia
1 month
For 3 weeks only @ deez links media: Hate Read, a pop-up blog where your faves anonymously launder their secret objects of hate
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
do you ever leave a social situation and you're just like mmm that was not my best work
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
another day of staring at the big screen while scrolling through my little screen so as to reward myself for staring at the medium screen all week
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
I'm crying
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@delia_cai
delia
8 months
life with astigmatism is more romantic because every light is a twinkle light
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@delia_cai
delia
5 years
fall weekends need to be like 4 days long: 1 day to get your shit together, 1 to catch up on reading & tv, 1 to wander around outside eating stew out of a cup, 1 to lie in bed and contemplate bird migration
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
spotify the only tech company to figure out how to successfully rebrand "we've been tracking you" to "isn't this FUN"
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@delia_cai
delia
5 months
girls night conversation agenda
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
the working woman's Timmy Chalamet
@GMPaiella
Gabriella Paiella
2 years
Well well well, if it isn't a profile of Jeremy Allen White on today
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
dated a guy who was missing a crucial apartment component ONE TIME and she will never let it go
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
so this guy sends me a tiktok right......but what he doesn't know is that when I watch it tiktok tells me this video was originally to him by SOME OTHER GIRL first and then links me to her account.......this is why we need more women in STEM, soon the panopticon will be complete
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
early 20s: a coat will ruin the outfit!! late 20s: coat is outfit
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
no more main character energy for 2022... i would like to be the side character....let me show up in a fun outfit and drop a devastating zinger and enjoy my low-stakes b plot.......let someone else do the self-reflection and growth part thank you
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
[me arriving late to things] sorry supply chain problems
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@delia_cai
delia
10 months
going on vacay with a 24yo friend is wild. girl packed al she needed in one big tote. did not eat breakfast. guzzled cocktails at the hotel then got a full night of sleep and got up at 6am to go to the gym and write. i had one marg and forgot to stretch and thus need hospital
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
for a small fee i will comment "what pandemic?" on your relatives'/high school friends'/co-workers' superspreader thanksgiving IG posts no questions asked
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
Instead of asking "what do you do" I really recommend punching up any social function you happen to be at with "so who do you hate here"
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
did you guys all know we had to wear the retainer forever
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
"did you see the tweet that's like" yes I've seen every tweet go on
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
my mom doesn't really watch American tv but she wanted a show to keep her english sharp so I recommended greys anatomy ..... she is so hooked lmao she's like "I watch two episodes a night, how many are there total" I can't wait to tell her
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
In my Alaskan bear era (eating a lot of salmon, sleeping increasingly more, snacking on berries n honey, snarling at strangers)
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@delia_cai
delia
11 months
me (not handling things) to my friend (also not handling things): I think you handled it perfectly
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
He's a 10 but he calls you "chef" as a sign of respect
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@delia_cai
delia
5 years
everyone who is a writer should get into running bc it's important to have at least one hobby you hate even more than writing
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
Don't forget if you don't have a hot neighbor, YOU are the hot neighbor
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
"Perf!" she typed (things were not perf)
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
the reformation email copy girl is tiiiiiired lol
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
me to delta
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@delia_cai
delia
1 month
someone check on that stupid skinny skyscraper that was already not doing well
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@delia_cai
delia
4 years
how many miles do you think we've all scrolled this year
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@delia_cai
delia
2 months
at dinner tonight the already hot, apparently poetically inclined somm explained a wine to me and my friend as "it teeters on the edge of sweetness but it doesn't fall" and I screamed aloud
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
if you see me out and I'm wearing the same exact outfit from when you saw me recently shh that's my outside outfit now ok
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
when two friends equally want to bail on plans and the first one is brave enough to say it out loud, that's amore
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@delia_cai
delia
1 month
no one talks about what men in their 20s have to teach YOU though. It's such a wealth of knowledge. You learn about Fellini and Grantland. How to make Spotify playlist names. How long a toothbrush can really last. "Draft Kings." The moral arc of LeBron's career. Just treasures
@embernic
ember loves bay ridge
1 month
There are a lot of issues with The Cut story, but no one can argue this paragraph isn't true, and it is exactly how I explain why I have no desire to date again.
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@delia_cai
delia
1 month
when the asteroid comes I will be reaching for my phone
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@delia_cai
delia
1 year
u laugh but this would kill on SSENSE
@phosphor_glow
𝕡𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕡𝕙𝕠𝕣 𝕘𝕝𝕠𝕨
1 year
wearing my bug pants to the club
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
live laugh leave
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
for every "couples, let's see those EARLY PICS with each other" post I personally would also like to hear about an EARLY FIGHT u guys had
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@delia_cai
delia
1 month
once you realize Nick Carraway in the great gatsby is a 29 yo Midwestern transplant and finance guy it all makes sense
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@delia_cai
delia
1 year
If you know who this is we had the same childhood
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
cdc says start making out
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
reminder that New Girl was funnier than we ever gave it credit for
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
The gilded age is great it's basically American girl dolls being bitches to each other
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@delia_cai
delia
10 months
earlier tn, uber driver clocked my whorey summer outfit and drove quietly until he finally was like "wait what is Public Records" and I explained it's like a bar and he was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhh girl I thought you were going to get some archival documents in THAT
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
entering my "one baked good per day as a treat for completing baseline tasks" season
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@delia_cai
delia
9 months
let me show you what it is like to date a very particular type of Twentysomething New York Guy in 2023
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
also ftr i asked if i could tweet this and he said yes.....here at delia industries we support ethical subtweeting
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
Nominate Michael for POY
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
everyone's IG stories this weekend
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@delia_cai
delia
1 month
why did we have that. There's no tectonic plates here. is a tsunami coming. *flips through pages of earth science textbook faster*
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
premium tier offering: will do "there's people that are dying kim" but if their name is actually kim i will do this for free
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@delia_cai
delia
5 years
parents: so what do you do all day at your job
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@delia_cai
delia
4 years
.....is reformation's email marketing director ok
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@delia_cai
delia
1 year
the pure unadulterated chineseness of james hong packing a sandwich to eat at the oscars I LOVE
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@delia_cai
delia
2 months
the man abbreviating "u" in his texts is not gonna be able to handle pickup/dropoff in 10 years girl
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
New Yorkers what's the celeb sighting you're most proud of
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@delia_cai
delia
6 years
SIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING like live your life & i support you but WHAT IN ACTUALITY ARE YOU DOING
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@delia_cai
delia
10 months
have not seen her drink a single bottle of water who is she
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
ok.......here's the thing......... i thought his name was Macaulay MacCaulkin......which i now understand......would have been insane.............
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
omg remember crying in work bathrooms though
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
something i would love to read about in depth is the Internet Boyfriend phenomenon and how it turns guys like Paul Mescal, Rege-Jean Page, Noah Centineo, Henry Golding, etc. into household names but we really never see the same halo effect happen for their female co-stars
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
the real microscene in NY we should all aspire to join is whatever is going on on Vanderbilt Ave on weekends.....all i want is to be a young fun mom hashtagging #closedstreets & drinking wine outside lalou while my children Arrow and Tulip act like demons on scooters
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@delia_cai
delia
4 years
Pence's "politeness" is that insidious kind perfected by countless male coworkers, superiors, and patriarchs so they can throw a hissy fit later about your tone young lady
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
"I liked your earlier work more"
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
gotta say tinder has never had my back like this
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
so you're telling me fleabag coulda done it
@sorayaroberts
soraya roberts
3 years
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
the new killers album apparently has a phoebe bridgers collab........everyone check on their neighborhood white boy rn see if they need help calling 911
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
mine is sitting across from Steve Buscemi on the F train and being too sloshed to figure out why he looked so familiar lol
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@delia_cai
delia
4 years
went for my annual checkup today and my new doc was like you need D, as in **vitamin D** and i was like god i know it's been a while and she was like what and i was like hwhat
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
I'm .... giving up
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
@realDANYANG @hotgoof plus side: he will never have a UTI for the rest of his life
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
originally sent to him*** whatever
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@delia_cai
delia
3 months
@elamin88 I was really picturing like this at the club
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
tonight I watched a guy reporter go up to another guy reporter and introduce himself by saying "I hear you don't like my work" ...... I'm honestly inspired
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
can't believe we used to have outfits now that it's just 1. Workout clothes (stretching clothes) 2. "Work" clothes (nice sweats) 3. Walking clothes (medium sweats) 4. Post-shower/tv watching clothes (least nice sweats) 5. Sleep clothes
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@delia_cai
delia
4 years
how come after like age 26 your body starts to make clicking sounds when you stretch... is that the warranty expiring...
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@delia_cai
delia
7 months
by your 30s you should have 3 broad categories of friends: -confidante friends -fun hang out friends -friends with whom you exchange a batshit specific tiktok every other day while knowing nothing about even the basic contours of each others' lives
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@delia_cai
delia
10 months
ryan gosling, the greatest committer to the bit of our generation
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@delia_cai
delia
10 months
the last person to dine at the de Blasio house:
@squirtstain
alisa
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accidentally gave my opinion on polyamory in front of the wrong person
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
rewatching the devil wears prada for the first time in ages and it's now sinking in Nate is mad Andy....had to work the Met Gala on his bday??? K
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
my therapist: who told you to do that me:.....,,,,,,................................. therapist: ................,,,..........::..............,:.,,..,,....................................... me: there was this tiktok
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@delia_cai
delia
5 years
imagine growing up playing the flute in the era of Lizzo mania ugh you bitches are so lucky
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
the dumbest funniest most horrifying thing just happened to me and I'm gonna tell you guys about it in case you need a deep gutteral belly laugh
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
celeb profile culture is easier to understand if you just remember it's passive aggressive nerds trying to talk to theater kids (all mediated by former popular clique lieutenants)
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@delia_cai
delia
4 years
single women....we need to establish a global network wherein we easily spot each other in airports and agree to watch each others' shit while we go to the bathroom
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@delia_cai
delia
1 year
when pop mythology runs primarily on success stories, we miss out on the most moving tales of struggle and ambition. Grateful that Ke Huy Quan is back on our screens & even more grateful he's sharing the full story of everything that came before
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
in which lorde formalizes the only two (2) moods that exist
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
🏄🏼 ok some more news: I'm joining the ace team @VanityFair as senior vanities corespondent! I'm so excited!! Please no one at conde look at my last tweet(s)!!!!!!!
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
they moved vf to the vogue floor so now a new fun in-office perk is cowering in your chair and thinking "why do i look like this" when everyone else walks by
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
@lisatozzi i refuse to believe meryl streep pees
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@delia_cai
delia
5 years
@leahchernikoff @LEBassett truly!!! i remember a professor in j-school warned us against doing it. "if you'd edit filler words out of the quotes for a senator, you'd better do it for anyone else"
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
making small talk in 2022 is like reaching inside your giant purse to grab your trusty go-to chapstick and rooting around and coming up with a small wad of hairy gum and being like here this is all I have
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@delia_cai
delia
7 months
WAS RUNNING FOR THE TRAIN. FOOT SLIPPED OUT OF BIRKENSTOCK. TOUCHED SUBWAY STATION GROUND WITH ENTIRE FLAT BARE SOLE
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@delia_cai
delia
5 years
do you guys wanna hear a horror story ok here goes so last night i went on a date and i mentioned my ethnicity as one does, and he got like REALLY disappointed and was like ............."oh man i wanted to guess what you were"
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
28 years old on this green earth and I still end up in someone's living room watching dudes play video games more often than anyone should
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
[april-august] so weird how happy I am [it starts getting dark by 7] oh
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
posting to the grid is the equivalent of getting a pic framed now lol
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@delia_cai
delia
3 years
okay here's some news!!!!!!
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@delia_cai
delia
2 years
if the nyt wanted an actually effective twitter policy it would just be "every time you tweet you will be assigned to expand on that as a story" boom problem solved no one will ever twet again
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