A.
@Aunty_Les
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I’m nicer on Instagram - @ngala_mall || Taller than the average Nigerian fence.
Joined June 2010
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My son’s school sent a mail that virtual learning starts next week and we should pay full school fees.
School fees for a 2 year old to learn online, someone that can’t sit for 5 mins to watch PJ Masks.
My dear, he has dropped out.
Force Majeure.
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If you check her bio, you’d see “domestic violence survivor” yet people are crying that she’s celebrating her freedom.
If she had died in that marriage, the same people would say “ladies, why can’t you leave the man”.
Mad people.
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Walked into the house to hear my husband saying “someone is still alive but his properties are just flying fiam fiam fiam” because I wore his jersey to jog 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Opening an IG account for your child makes sense if you’re trying to build a photo album for her to see in future. But all the “I love my mummy” “my mummy is great” captions to yourself for yourself by yourself is a form of mental illness.
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A child has been bullying my son in class. Told his mother she started laughing “this is how he bullies all of us at home o”
Me: *laughing* [since we’re at a comedy show] If he tries my son again, I will beat him black & blue, and if you question me, I will beat you too ha ha ha
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Just saw a video where a thug snatched ballot box in PH and the residents were calling him by name “Ibinabo, bring that box” 😂😂
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The moment it crosses your mind that your cooking gas has lasted, it will finish in 30 mins.
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Ladipoe didn’t thank Simi?
Na wetin cause fight for Malcolm & Marie.
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Met someone today who said her husband only eats fresh food everyday but she has not entered kitchen in 4 years because “na the person wey wan chop fresh food use him leg find chef. Cannot be me”
😂🤣🤣😂😂. I love it.
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Davido messed with someone that is doing live pregnancy test in dirty toilet. He’s finished finished.
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If there was no phone or internet, a lot of things happening in this country will sound like folklore.
Yahaya Bello allegedly destroys five roads leading to Natasha Akpoti’s hometown to prevent
@inecnigeria
officials from getting there. They’re completely cut off from the rest of Kogi. This is madness!!!😳
#Nigeriadecide2023
#kogi
#yahayabello
#natashaakpoti
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Chima was a mechanic, he was arrested because the police thought he stole the car which he was fixing. The owner of the car came forward & informed them he was his trusted mechanic for years. What did they do? They told the man to carry his car & kept torturing Chima till he died
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My husband gave me his T-shirt to wear yesterday. Today, I picked another one to wear. He tapped me and said ‘lean on me no be press me die’ 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m dead
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Went to Oando to buy my humble 3k fuel o , then I jammed my husband there.
Filling Station attendant: how much ma?
Me: FILL MY TANK.
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As someone who has done both, I can categorically tell you that the best is abstinence. Close your legs.
You will see wiunnnnnnn.
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Called my MIL that I need rest and I’m bringing her grandkids.
She said “ah thank God. Please, let them stay till Monday, I need the noise”.
Again, this support system is reason 1-500 of why I haven’t relocated. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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My cleaner called that she can’t come to work today cos she has headache. My dear, enjoy your Valentine 🤣🤣🤣
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Lilo was voted out because she didn’t bond enough with the girls while Eric did with the boys.
Lesson to all you women that lose your identities because of man but he leaves you alone to watch football with the boys every night. 🤣🤣🤣
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No soup in this house. By now Whitemoney don cook 3 different soups. One for the house, one for people we no like fish, one for Biggie.
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Dem dey count meat for pot, ponmo dey raise hands.
Wait, we’re supposed to “celebrate life” looking dead?? Or shoudda given you to sew one design for everybody? Which one ? 🙉🚶♀️👋
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Out of sight is out of mind for me. We might be very very close, hang out all the time, when you’re around me. But once you’ve left my city or relocated, I completely detach. Won’t even remember to keep in touch.
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Twitter used to be an escape. Now, whenever I open this app, everybody is lamenting, people are being kidnapped, people are being killed, dollar is increasing every minute. I am so sad.
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My life is simple. I see a Burna Boy interview on the TL, I don’t open it.
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If FK Abudu coughs on
@ISWISPodcast
, we are laughing, subscribing, listening and sharing. Am I communicating?
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Nah, Tubo finished work. See the details and fit. And the tassel-like extension of the wrapper.
Nigerian designers have gone far.
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Nothing will make me open any video of a Nigerian wearing winter jacket.
Japa: Lady narrates the heartbreaking ordeal of a couple that sold their properties and took loans to move to the U.K. with five kids
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Was in the swimming rest room with my kids, someone walks in with her son. My kids say “good evening”, then she goes “oh, such polite boys, good evening darlings”.
Tonye now tells her “so why’s your son not telling us good evening? He’s not polite?”
😩😩😩
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If you see the sweet ‘awww’ comments I saw on IG, only to come to this devil’s workshop to see all sorts. God forbid una.
When your Father-in-law cannot wait for you to be a part of the family
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That’s how I told my kids “if I hear pim” and they shouted PIM. 😂😂
Told my kids “before I close my eyes and open it, leave that place”
I’ve opened it and they’re still there…
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Made in Lagos is already dope. Track 3 and 5 are my favorites. Mad album. Mad songs. Star Boy No. 1
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Its the Nigerians thinking they will win this game tomorrow, it will end in premium tears
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Overheard my nanny telling someone on the phone “so you want me to sleep in your house for 3 days, and leave my madam so that she will cry?”
My dear, thank God you know I will cry, I will cry blood. Don’t sleep in anybody’s house. Men are wicked.
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The price of my car in Nigeria right now is now double the amount we bought it in 2018.
Car don turn appreciating asset. Dem no dey teach this one for London School of Economics 🤣🤣🤣
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I don’t know who you guys expected Moses Bliss - a gospel artiste and worship leader to marry. Nkechi Blessing?
Modesty is the glory Queens wrap themselves in
And Minister Moses bliss found himself a Queen
Modesty 1- Nudity 0
Congratulations Sir
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Period 12/12. Thank you Jesus for a pregnancy-free year. We go again in 2024 🙏🏾
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Once a movie is being generally praised, people nitpick and scrutinize for loop holes so they can be the ones with “taste”. 🤣🤣
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Uriel looks at every man in that house like she’s in love with them. A fraud.
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I keep saying primary school is the foundation and the bedrock of any child’s intelligence. No be by Uni.
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Let’s hear from the horse’s mouth.
The horse jumped when I wasn't quite expecting. I was losing balance. Horse was losing balance. The picture was taken inbetween trying to gain balance. After which I lost all the balance.
Pls. No animal cruelty here o 😕. My country people sha.
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Not Tonye’s teacher asking for my stir fry pasta recipe.
Sis, have you been eating my child’s food?
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If I loan my husband N10,000 and he gifts me N100,000. He still owes me N10,000.
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Mehn can’t believe it was 2 and half years after marriage Banky & Susu got pregnant. Just 2 and half years, yet the world made it look like it was 12 years.
People are so wicked and unfair.
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He pays the bills, I wake up at 7am to pray for him on NSPPD 🙏🏾
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Scammed one man into marrying me on this day 7 years ago. And e never pursue me and my bad character. 🙏🏾
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When they ask what you bring to the table, tell them your life.
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Everybody is claiming they can’t be scammed.
So who’s funding Abuja boys’ lifestyle?
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My husband shouting ‘who married this fine girl’ when I FaceTimed him to show him my new hair is a mood o.
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Fireboy’s Laughter, Tears & Goosebumps will forever be a 10/10 album.
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My 2 year old was singing “Old Macdonald had a farm and on his farm he had some ducks…” I now joined him and sang “with a woof woof here”.
Only for this boy to look at me unbelievably and say “mummy how can you not know ducks quack?”.
No vex my brother, I no go school.
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Except Tiwa Savage’s Somebody’s Son, please recommend fire gospel songs.
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Gen Z how una dey start una prayers abeg? As everlasting king of glory don cast.
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Not the man that denied Tolani in 2020 trying to separate her from fighting for a man denying her in 2023.
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Why I’m so sad about Mohbad’s death is that he was speaking up at every point of this oppression. He was tweeting, making videos, calling them out, wrote a petition, sang about the situation but the world was quiet.
It gets worse with every video. He really suffered. 💔
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Enioluwa was with Hilda till 6:30 am. I’m sure she didn’t pay for all this PR. Nigerians are good people.
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I will never forgive all of you for 2015.
“…And if he messes up, we will vote him out too” but you all are in Canada now.
Fuck you.
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My kids called me with their nanny’s phone that they forgot something important in my car. And that, I, Abiyeibaralasam, should turn back. (when I’ve almost reached my destination o).
The “something important”:
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My sister, that’s how I said that I can’t buy jeans for 40k, and AbokiFX Twitter said “but that’s just $100”. Dangote, I no ask ya papa o.
If I say something is too expensive FOR ME please who are you to say it’s not?
Elon Mosqueeee please!!!
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The father that fathered their fathers.
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“I had to choose between Yale, Harvard & MIT”
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If we’re talking about Nengi’s dancing, then she was in a committed marriage with Laycon.
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To think my husband is spending almost 200k to fix my car cos I bought 7k bad fuel.
I hate this country.
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1 year, 10 months.
10 months to carry the baby. 1 year to ask yourself who send you.
Is pregnancy 9 months or 10 months? You people should talk quickly please.
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I have never suffered this kind of monumental loss as a business owner before. For every minute I pause to lament about the exchange rate, it increases.
People have paid for stuff when it was at 740, now I’m being charged at 910.
I am so tired.
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Outsourcing.
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What’s the wildest thing your eyes have ever seen in Port-Harcourt?
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No amount of love should make you marry into a family that hates you. It “doesn’t” worth it.
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Just remembered that during double wahala, people were saying CeeC is Ebuka’s ex. CeeC came out of the house and said “do I look like someone that will date Ebuka and let him go?”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Pregnancy is a life & death situation. Don’t mind that people give birth and post slay pictures immediately or that they come on Twitter to catch cruise.
There’s a reason they tell you “welcome back” in my language when you’ve just delivered. Because you went to die but survived
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KiddWaya, I’m so proud of you. You had a great run and beat all the stereotypes. Amazing personality, multitalented, good cook, all round great guy.
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I think people intentionally watch hyped movies for loop holes so they can be the 1% disappointed about the movie because they have “taste” 😂😂😂
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As a man or woman at 25, if you've had sex with more than 5 people you're a prostitute
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Guyyy! Was about to buy sausages, looked at the price and remembered that Aproko Doctor said it causes cancer. 🤣🤣
Grocery shopping these days involve a lot of self-debates about whether you really need an item or not.
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Nobody is out of touch from anything. Everybody is pretending. Liars 😂😂😂
Twitter mehn 😭.. I love this app.. So out of touch from reality.
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My kids’ school will give you 4 missed calls. You’ll call back with your heart in your mouth, only to hear “Ma, Tonye broke his water bottle”.
Ms Blessing, is that why you want to give me high blood pressure????!
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First thing I thought when I opened my eyes “how is Hilda doing”. Omo.
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By this time, Tacha would be washing her clothes, knowing very well that she’s up for possible eviction.
She would now wear her Okrika danshiki, fur slides & traffic shades and tell Ebuka “Y has a long tail & 2 branches”.
My GOAT 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
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My primary school created alumni what’s app group and told people to introduce themselves & year of graduation. Someone typed “I graduated 1992”, one Gen Z that graduated in 2016 said “Omo, na your school fees dem use build the school o” 🤣🤣🤣
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Celebs are really trying. Someone else is getting married; you will make dress, do makeup, install frontal, call professional photographer, videographer, rent vintage car for the theme, get mint notes to spray, go with content creator, EVERY WEEKEND! If it’s not wedding, it’s…
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“I don’t have female friends o, I prefer guys”.
What’s a very smallllll sign that tells you someone isn’t a girls girl??
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Naija guy will tell you “I love you” and you go dey excitedly talk “he said the L word”. Is this high school musical?
“I love you” wey be like “come and eat”. 🤣🤣
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The entire house has a problem with 1 person. The one person who stood by her, she called “fucking bitch”. And it’s bullying? You people’s heads are not correct.
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In Tems’ For Broken Ears, there’s an interlude with her mum where she said when she was pregnant, people were saying she’s having another boy, and she said “I’m having a girl, I just know she’s a special girl and her name is Temilade”
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Since their leader’s coronation, it has been singing, rejoicing and winning in the camp. 😂😂😂
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Michael wey just come has really sold himself as an artiste.
But Jpaul has been in that house under duvet discussing lipgloss with Saskay.
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Ebuka: Wathoni how are you?
Wathoni: Even when Dora gave Brighto blow job, he cannot afford my dress, I’m too big for that.
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Today,some years ago, I strategically positioned myself for one tall, fine boy to collect my number.
Our wedding anniversary is in 18days 😂🤣
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Once you see double lines on the pregnancy strip, 2 years of your life is gone.
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Veezeebaybeh, I’m so happy you came on this show. You now have fanbase 🤣.
You lived, you loved and showed the world that you’re a bundle of many talents. I hope the people close to you tell you the truth & you work on yourself for real. Overall, you’re reality tv gold. Go forth…
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Me before having kids: I won’t give my kids any screen time. Max 20 mins.
Me with kids: *jumps up in the middle of the night* Jesus, Jesus, I didn’t charge these children’s tabs.
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