Mr Alan 📈
@Alan_yournextbf
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Pinned Tweet
Let me break it down for guys on the TL, don’t complicate these things, just follow these steps when you walk up to her
1. Tell her your name(hi, my name is Alan)
2. Ask for her name (what’s yours?)
3. Talk about the location(do you stay around here? I come here a lot and I
Let’s see the real kings.
You see a chic you like, what is usually your opener when you walk up to her?
I’ll be in the comments.
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I slept in my girlfriend’s house and in the morning she didn’t give me money for transport. I don’t understand what’s going on?
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The youths are willing to write SWAT exams and apply to join!
Open vacancies, we don't want former officers!!!
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Me collecting my wife after seeing her bridesmaids has bigger breasts
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That can be this but this can never be that 🤝
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A woman that replied you after years of shooting your shot wasn’t sent by God.
You are her Saudi League
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If you're AA and you marry another AA, may God punish you ijn.
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Getting paid 12 times out of 365days is not my destiny.
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If you've not had sex with a twitter person, sorry to say this but you've been wasting your data
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She had only 200k in her account and she used all the 200k to buy wig!!
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The only thing fine boy privilege would give you is free knacks and all of that ends once you’re 25.
Fine boy privilege exists. There’s just one reason you’ve never experienced it 🌝
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Can we talk about how somebody gave my mum sallah meat and my mum refried it with anointing oil 😭😭
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May you never know happiness again 🙏🏾
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Me vs My Dad that use to carry first in primary school 😂😂
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Forget poverty first, you don knack skin to skin finish make the babe tell you “I’m sorry for doing this to you”?
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Girls shoot their shots by thinking about you and expect the holy spirit to minister it to you.
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I tried to keep a female friend without strings attached earlier this year.
Sometimes I would drop her off at the gym, pick her up when I’m free, I’d buy her lunch on our way home and she would seldom come over to watch movies and chill, each time she comes over I’d order pizza
If you guys stopped trying to fuck all your female friends you'd notice having female friends is dope. They give you insight on how a womans mind works, they don't try to compete with you, and they better wingmen than your niggas
Try kicking it with no sexual agenda for once
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Me as a married man collecting my side chic as karma for my wife deeds when she was young.
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I met my ex yesterday, she's happily married now but one thing led to one thing and I still nack am.
Once there, forever there is not a myth.
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The fact that I bagged more girls when I was living in an apartment like this than when I moved to a well furnished place.
Money reduces your ability to flirt lmaooo
Na broke people dey get babes pass.
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You marry hoe, wahala
You marry virgin, wahala
You marry rich woman, wahala
You marry poor woman, wahala
Which kind wahala be this?
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You go dey gas mid babe up them go dey see you as red flag.
God punish konji.
🚩s
“cash madam”
“rich babe like you”
“my principal”
“you have money o!”
“spend this money”
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8k - hotel money
2k - transport
5k - feeding for the day for two
3k - drinks for the night
1k - suya
1k - smoke
___________________
20k- total
All to nack a girl you met online?
God give us wisdom 🙏🏾
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No man can spend the whole day without talking to the woman he loves. You just not the one.
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Going broke after investing is not the same as going broke after impressing.
Read that again!
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I know a girl that relocated from Lagos to port harcourt because she wanted to start over.
Her husband today is a pastor and I feel sorry for the man because the things I did to his wife 🤲🏾
Women after sleeping around will want to settle down with a beta nice guy
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I don’t think enough Nigerian girls have been on a proper date, not shoprite or chicken republic, I mean a proper date.
Nigerian girls wey no get dinner gown.
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No, you can't hold iPhone 11 and be tweeting from Android 😩
Happy birthday to me...
If you see this tweet, please say a prayer for me...
🙏🙏🙏🙏
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The only genuine female friends you’ll ever have are your secondary school classmates or childhood female friends.
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I’ve dated smart women and I’ve dated dull women.
Dull women >>>>>>>
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Nothing irks me like seeing an ugly girl friendzone a handsome nigga.
She should be happy people are mistaking them for couples.
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#Anonymous
has hacked SARS and released names, phone numbers and emails of these men.
Just look for one name you don't like here, call the number and swear for him.
#EndSWAT
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An Indian boy was found dead in his room
Autopsy confirmed that the boy died as a result of intense masturbation, it was said that he had masturbated himself to cum 73 times and died from trying to go the 74th round
Gentlemen, listen up
The limit for masturbation is 73 per day
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Left AirPods don stop to dey work, I just hope say na me deaf sha
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Ever since I started talking to only women who like me, life has been much more easier. If they want to come see me they’ll pay for their ride themselves and even bring food.
Somewhere, a babe is sending money to a man she wants even knowing he's in a relationship, and there's you chasing the one who doesn't like you because you enjoy the chase🤝
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There’s nothing romantic about wearing your boyfriend’s expensive polo while cooking and doing house chores.
Polo wey we dey use drip you dey use cook food?
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1 normal guy and 3 Jehovah witness brothers
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This kind girl go kiss you for 6hours straight then text you “today tho🥹🥹” when she gets home.
Started the year a virgin, ending the year a virgin and stronger 💪
What about you?
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if your girlfriend doesn't ask you for money that means that her boyfriend is rich.
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Jessica, between October 2022 and now you’ve sent 15k, 80k and 350k that I didn’t beg you for all because you want a relationship from me despite knowing I have a girl.
Please sit this one out.
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But did wizkid lie when he called reekado banks a fool?🤔
What reekado banks did was foolish make we no lie.
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You go dey vibe with Nigerian babe, you dey see chemistry, she dey see maga.
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@paballo_maseko
@simplydehrah
Bringing a gun to a knife fight is not right no matter how you look at it
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When the devil wants to deal with you, he sends you a girl named ????
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Last week Friday I met with these two lovely sisters at a restaurant in ajah.
I noticed the lady in the first frame crying few minutes after serving me, I called her to ask her if everything was good.
long story short they are both orphans and have invested their all in opening
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The girl that uploaded motara's video here on twitter did it out of pure hatred and God will punish you. When you could have just corrected her on WhatsApp and let sleeping dogs lie.
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My money just completed to by iPhone X
Then I heard iPhone 11 is out
Okay I'll just save up to buy iPhone 11, I'm sure when my money is complete iPhone 12 would be out and it just goes on and on.
The story of how Alan didn't use an iPhone 😪
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Some girls can never cheat on you
But their stubbornness ehn.. It can give you high blood pressure that you didn't ask for 🤦🤦
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If you have a flight to catch and you stay in lekki just pass Epe road jeje and enter Ogun state then connect to ikorodu to enter Lagos back possibility dey say you go jam another protest sha.
#SARSMUSTEND
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You go nack some kind girls wey go make you realize say na your girlfriend you love gan gan.
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Even for 1million dollar I'm not leaving this app😂😂
See what happens when you refuse to mind your business😭😭
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Na mumu dey collect delivery money from clients, add extra the 1,500 to your goods and do free delivery for customers.
Think about it.
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"Timini" is a king"
"he gave patriarchy fc a big win"
Suddenly your babe dey among the girls wey collect😊
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The friendship died a natural death.
My point here is, if you’re not spending money or trying to give orgasm to the female gender then your friendship to them is useless.
What are we talking about? Why am I texting you? Why are you my friend? Alaye open leg!
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So lil baby tweeted
#EndSARS
before burna boy???
If I stream Burna boy song again, call me bastard!!
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You suppose dey go for deliverance once once if your papa na police man, politician, NEPA official or custom cos normal normal e no suppose better for you.
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@IamEkene_
I remember 4years ago or so, my ex and I got a pregnancy scare and somehow she said hospital bill was about 21k, I’m like no be 1k them dey use do test? Her reply was “you no get money, you dey pour inside me”
I just commot my mind from that relationship.
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TODAYS'S EPISODE ON MEN WILL EMBARRASS YOU.
A lady came to my DM on wednesday night saying she needed somebody to talk to because she's having one of the worst experience of her life, her only fault was coming to lagos to visit the Abiola guy she met on twitter.
Thread!!
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So this is to make it clear to some of you all shouting clout clout.
I'm very sure if she had come on this app first to tell her own side of the story, awon ''feminist twitter'' would have dragged myself and
@TheHeadking__
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Fine people picture thread!!
Drop your pictures let's appreciate you❤
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Imagine dating someone you can't do sticker war with because they too matured.
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The girl you're sending money to impress probably has more money than you.
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Before one of your favorite female influencer comes to drag us, I and
@TheHeadking__
have decided to report ourselves first.
Aunty I know you'll be reading this thread and if anything I've said is a lie, continue with your plan. I and Headking dey for you.
Thread 👇👇
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@_Debbie_OA
Rashford taking football more serious after seeing garnacho as natural replacement.
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Some girls are really lucky that feminine trait helps them get away with the same looks men would get battered for.
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I can't be the only guy that knows how to calculate girls menstrual cycle? 😂
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@_Debbie_OA
This year 2024 is for rewarding good women, none of that sending girls money to reply your dm or just cos they have big bumbum.
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Sanwo Olu, tinubu, buhari and others who planned this massacre, may you not know peace.
#EndSARS
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Walk with me guys.
As a struggling guy earning 80k - 100k monthly, you meet a babe, you have game, you rizz her with good communication, you guys go out on a small date to a cinema, 7k per ticket, 14k for both of you, your bolt trip to and fro consumed like 15k ..
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If you think that tap water in the kitchen is cleaner than the one in the bathroom, you are a fool!
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Hypocrites everywhere!
@Alan_yournextbf
@OgodoLouis
Stop. How are you people so confident calling other people demeaning names. Ugly, fat. What’s the rationale behind it?
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The fact that 100k could only buy 2 trousers and 5 shirts and a shoe still amazes me.
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When the devil can’t get you, he sends you a girl named...?
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I know some men that will wait 1year, just to nack you
Be guided
Men are what?? 😂😂
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Ever dated a girl that calculates your credit for you?
so you bought
#200
airtime, it's supposed to last for 30mins cause you're on MTN pulse, you called me for 12mins and later for 7mins and now you're saying you're low on airtime?
Where did the remaining 11minutes go to? 👿
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Which of these girls are the easiest to get laid?
Twitter girls
Instagram girls
Facebook girls
WhatsApp girls
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