Nuclear Winter
@4SLars
Followers
14K
Following
78K
Media
973
Statuses
132K
Ameri-strayan'.
Australia
Joined August 2014
Am I currently satisfied with my skin care regime? Lady, I haven't been satisfied with anything since 1991. I am the embodiment of dismay.
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Mom used to say the only accessory a fashionable girl needs is a virtuous reputation. But it's bracelets.
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"The human mind does not cope well with isolation" yeah, whatever fuckface
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The latest poll shows me 19 points ahead. Hold on. Sorry folks. The latest poll shows me 19 POUNDS ahead.
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god: i need you to build a death star noah: uh, what's a death star? god: {flipping through his notes} oh, sorry, wrong story. i need you to build an ark…
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It's not an ancient art. You're just using some glue.
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The way this cat is chewing on my severed ear makes me feel seen.
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Lol, good luck little guy. Consciousness is the first stage of torture.
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Falconry is a power move. Having an argument? Summon a mighty raptor to alight upon your gauntlet and screech its agreement with you.
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if you ever need to be reminded of your decomposing existence on this earth stay at a motel built in the same year you were born
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Her: I need advice. Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast) You came to the right person.
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I wear shirts with low-cut arm holes in case I need to unfurl my black wings and kick some ass human-bird hybrid-style
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I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet: I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.
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It’s called a charm offensive. I'm like the softest baby bunny who doesn’t respect you.
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The true test of your comedic ability is if you can get people to laugh without resorting to profanity. But you glum cunts make that fucking impossible.
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Which Wasting Disease Are You? Take Our Quiz and Find Out!
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Shh....you had me at "My boyfriend is going to kick your ass."
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