Ben Volchok
@zomgmouse
Followers
974
Following
4K
Media
893
Statuses
41K
Comedy writer/performer. Film liker. THE CEREMONY returns to Edinburgh: https://t.co/yjMcjExqJu
Melbourne, Australia
Joined June 2009
🕯️DEAR EDINBURGH, You are once again invited to attend The Ceremony. An improvised, interactive ritual/group therapy/comedy show. Not a cult. Co-created together with the audience, no two shows are the same. Join me. JUL 31 - AUG 25 9.45pm Summerhall https://t.co/z2S1dlKXB7
1
0
3
dreaming up a communist monarchy where everyone sits on the throne at the same time
0
0
0
they tried installing ai cameras to analyse the situations in which cars would stop beyond the white lines and only activate in legitimate cases, but these got confused and started chopping the outside of men's legs off. then the scheme was scrapped entirely. end of an era
0
0
1
next they would try them on the roads to target cars who stopped past the white lines. but there were too many contingencies and they caused too much collateral damage.
1
0
1
but it was ok because the men didn't have the outside of their legs and elbows to take up space. so everyone was satisfied and all in all the upwards guillotine idea was a success
1
0
1
they introduced an upwards guillotine between the seats of trains that would slice up every now and again to prevent spreading. 85% of men got the outside of their legs and elbows chopped off. there was a big public outcry and the guillotines were dismantled
1
0
2
are you sometimes afraid of the people you don't know because that means they don't know you and that means you don't matter
0
0
0
#ACMS 📅Monday 8th Sept. 🏰@ThePhoenix_W1 💥an ACMS Board Member PURGE 🎟️£10+ online, from https://t.co/gAUp1EJ4nG 😻hosted by @turlygod, with @alwinsol, @bechillcomedian, @zomgmouse, @MattHighton, @weaselspoon AND MORE 🌈free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, DM us yr names
0
1
2
#ACMS 📆 Monday 8th September 🏰 The Phoenix pub 💥 an ACMS Board Member PURGE 🎟️ £10+ online, from https://t.co/gAUp1EJ4nG 😻 hosted by @turlygod, with @alwinsol, @bechillcomedian, @matthighton, Tom Mayhem AND MORE 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, DM us your names
0
3
6
henny youngman as a hostage negotiatior: "give my wife... please"
0
0
0
Edinburgh! FAMILIES! Today brings you #edfringe comedy excellence from @bechillcomedian (MC) @zomgmouse, @RobotKemp and @ComComPod! Stand-up! Silliness! Likely much superhero consideration! 🕒 3:05-4:05pm 🎪@AssemblyFest Piccolo in the @AssemblyGardens 🎟️ https://t.co/xPi2FS4URQ
1
1
1
overheard: "i asked chatgpt to list me some jobs in conservation" we are doomed aren't we
0
0
0
sticks and stones may NOT break my bones. i don't give them permission
0
0
0
Come to #ACMS tonight! See @kuanwen_huang on in place of Readymades! Have a nice time! HAVE A NICE TIME! https://t.co/cQbF6HeKyd
0
2
4
There's no #ACMS today. 😔 There's no #ACMS tomorrow. 😭 But there IS more #ACMS from Sunday 10th! 😍 Join us at @BarrelComedy to see @turlygod and this lovely lot (@AlexyBennett! @EdyHurst! @gracejarvisohno! @JozNorris! @MrSamSee! @SoozUK!) next week: https://t.co/cQbF6HfinL
0
3
4
Beginning THURSDAY
🕯️DEAR EDINBURGH, You are once again invited to attend The Ceremony. An improvised, interactive ritual/group therapy/comedy show. Not a cult. Co-created together with the audience, no two shows are the same. Join me. JUL 31 - AUG 25 9.45pm Summerhall https://t.co/z2S1dlKXB7
0
0
3