lil lioness
@wishinguluv
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half personal diary to tweet my thoughts n feelings into the void, half for communal/ political engagement blah blah
New Jersey, USA
Joined February 2018
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I mean this in a gentle tone. Please look around you. There are 50+ year olds working at walmart, gas stations, grocery stores, retail, housekeeping etc. There are also 50+ year olds going to college, coming out lgbt, re-marrying, relocating, etc. Please remember this pressure
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My brother casually marrying a white girl when my sister was shamed & forced for years into agreeing to marry her own cousin at which point she experienced a major psychotic episode resulting in her scizophrenia diagnosis.
How am i supposed to feel anything but rage
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Not racist bc i felt his true intentions. A homeless dude in philly said “thank u my hindu sister” after i gave him cash then correctly interpreted my silent reaction and said “no wait. The one muhammad ali was” and i smiled and said yup! Lmaoo
You ever had a racist experience but it was funny tho
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That you feel is normal, understandable, but also something to shed… because all of these milestones are man-made and exasperated by capitalism.
If we compare ourselves to people in better positions why do we forget the people in worse positions?
Life is so much more than that
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My bf getting me pads, washing the blood stains for me, making tea/food for me, helping me with my homework, providing me with affection and gentleness during my periods makes me wonder sometimes how did i live without these gestures before. It feels good to be taken care of.
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The saddest part is she’s too broken and brainwashed to even call it out, even though she knows deep down what im saying is true. I know she knows, she doesn’t even make eye contact with me or argue when i get on this subject. She’s not ready to face reality. She would rather
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Every life is based on that person’s childhood/parents, scarcity or abundance of resources, mental health, environment, genetics, blah blah. I know it sounds corny but literally no one has been thru the exact same things as you. We all have our own pace, timeline and milestones.
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Still cant believe my brother who bullied me and physically assaulted me countless times for being a feminist / wanting HUMAN RIGHTS in a desi muslim household….. has been dating some random white girl and living a fake ass wholesome life ever since he moved out
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Act like it’s technically halal even though she knows damn well our brother is not religious, the white woman is not religious.
She even tried to say at least wo shadi kr raha hai, tum to shadi k bagair sab kuch krty ho. Like maam you don’t know what grown people do & do not do
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Putting my whole family’s business out there because fuck everything about this— my sister actually had a white guy interested in converting for her before my parents kept driving her crazy. I never met him but she would confide in me all the time. She’s quite traditional and
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It’s sad to never receive solidarity from my only sister but i understand she is deeply traumatized. She gaslights me the same way that was done to her.
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Wanted to keep everything as halal as possible. She said he would make romantic gestures towards her and she would get rly nervous. She fell in love with this dude. Even a decade later she told me uski ab shadi ho gayi hai kisi apni gori k saath. It has affected her whole life
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As if i didnt make suicide threats throughout my life when i got abused. As if i didnt physically fight to be free. As if i wasnt trafficked back to pakistan against my will. The only reason im unstoppable now is because i risked everything for it. And have a great support system
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It has caused her to lose her sanity, become socially withdrawn and isolated, she has so much trouble with intimacy even on a basic level like no real friends.
And she sounds just like our mother— haan to tume kaun roke ga? Tum to apni marzi se aati jaati ho pata ni kis k saath
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Oh yeah i forgot to mention this is my brother:
Still cant believe my brother who bullied me and physically assaulted me countless times for being a feminist / wanting HUMAN RIGHTS in a desi muslim household….. has been dating some random white girl and living a fake ass wholesome life ever since he moved out
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I was always prevented from being independent. Hasnt even been a year since i got my drivers license that im able to finally leave SAFELY. Before i used to run away, jump off my roof, pagal bana diya tha muje. I have freedom because yall lost power. It was inevitable with time
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I have 2 and they have both been violent with me. One wants a basic american white woman and pretend to be normal, the other one wants a traditional pakistani housewife to mommy him. Don’t know which is worse
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No im not coming to your fucking wedding. I already messaged the girl about my horrific experiences, she still wanna be with you thats not my business but thats all im ever going to talk about so dont try to include me. The casualness is what gets me. Nothing about this is casual
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The audacity to act like you don’t have any privilege in addition to denying abuse.
He tried to convince me he it only happened in childhood bc we were poor, we had a rough stressful life, no space we were in each other’s faces growing up etc. No mf you abused me even when i was
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I can tell my sister is deeply conflicted even though she regurgitates the same shit. I can feel her broken spirit. I mourn for her. I hope one day she’ll say fuck it u were right for rebelling ima do the same! Even if she chooses to waste her life, i will still advocate for her
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in college up until i started calling you out a few years ago. I can recount so many abusive stories.
My sister agrees with him— idk if it’s the delusion of schizophrenia or willful ignorance or brainwashing or pure avoidance.
I will not let any of them forget reality.
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Was just talking about this yesterday before that whole conversation happened
It’s sad but my father’s elderly age and my mother’s health issues have caused them to lose their fight against controlling and abusing me. Of course im relieved for my own sake but the fact that it even had to be this way.…
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The way my mom just turns a blind eye. Even tho he is unmarried and the girl isn’t even religious. The way my dad just doesnt even speak on the subject. Meanwhile i was getting death threats as a 14 year old child for talking about my crushes in my notebook.
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Omg ive been waiting to find something like this
I know my tweets reached people all over the world but i thought id share for others in new jersey! There is a lot of privilege to living abroad but finding someone to understand you can be so hard
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Even my own sister who quite literally lost her mind and developed schizophrenia after falling in love with a non muslim guy because it shattered her reality and she couldnt see a way to make it work….. doesn’t really comment on it. No one seems to care.
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Or if she does she makes sure i dont hear it because then theyd have to admit the harm they did to me. And themselves. And admit that i was right for defending myself and fighting against oppression. My other brother is probably secretly jealous of him but trying to be obedient.
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It’s sad but my father’s elderly age and my mother’s health issues have caused them to lose their fight against controlling and abusing me. Of course im relieved for my own sake but the fact that it even had to be this way.…
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Never wanted to believe my brother could be one of those men who advance in their career making money while being absolutely deprived of morals or empathy. I almost looked up to him growing up. I knew he’d be successful but not like this. Living his life carefree after abusing me
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My brother (the one in the pictures) was always academically intelligent so he got his degree and a nice job. Not everyone can do that. It is extremely hard to survive in america. Wouldnt we all love to leave a toxic environment but who can really afford it
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Getting asked are u middle eastern or hispanic is funny cuz i always think of that neither this or that “but a secret third thing” meme
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@SyedZiryab
Causes of schizophrenia are not fully understood so idk why you felt the need to assume about my sister. It been reported to occur through extreme stress, some people can literally lose their minds and can become paranoid/ delusional all of a sudden for prolonged periods of time.
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It’s sweet he’ll say similar things to me. When he’s struggling with life & adhd kicks in i’ll be like his personal assistant. Making phone calls, writing emails, figuring out his options. And in times of sickness holding him like a baby. I’m grateful we do these things naturally
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Patriarchy runs so deep in our culture, i spent majority of my life minimizing the trauma because i wanted to be normal so bad. Caused me immense shame to the point of my mental health deteriorating but it is what it is. The more i call it out the more sane i feel actually
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LIST OF SOUTH ASIAN ORGANIZATIONS IN USA ‼️‼️‼️
I’m only as brave as i am because of my friends including the people ive connected with online. Thank you for the support & sharing info. This is enough validation to keep me going for the rest of my life.
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Pakistani women + lgbt— like this tweet if you would like to receive a care package, cute things, or money for free. I know it’s not going to change our halat but if i can make your day i would be happy to accomplish that. Dont be shy, dm me details on what youd prefer 💌
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First day moved out from my parents house. Finally slept all night, was able to have breakfast, take care of chores & assignments, and just have a normal life. All the things that felt impossible before.
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The way hindu fascists love isrealis, the way pakistani wahabis love turks. So much to unpack.
We would rather trade our shared cultures for proximity to whiteness and create new identities based on strict sense of nationalism in a land that’s always been full of sub ethnicities
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@reem_lutfi
@shataaah
I believe you have good intentions but pls refrain from talking about religion. Most of us realize that being muslim doesn’t HAVE to be this way. Yet it still happens so much. We must allow people to reject such men if they’re traumatized by them. It’s their experience, not yours
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@vetokama
@smitcantread
Omfg finally someone found these sacred and ancient embarrassing texts
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I met him 5 years ago when i tried moving out from an abusive home. He was very generous and always offering to help me. He put me onto jazz music, i closed my eyes and swayed which felt more intimate than sex. We made out all night one night only to become close platonic friends
can anyone tell me stories of how u found the love of ur life and everything worked out forever pls?
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@mintxchutney
Seriously, it’s essential to our healing. Forming connections with other desi and muslim people on this site has helped me to say the things i couldnt even dream of doing before.
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No one on earth is braver than muslim femmes constantly living a double life, straight up risking their lives for basic human rights. U have my full eternal support. I will literally send you $ if you need it. Dms always open.
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I just got my drivers license at 26 years old 🥺 10 years ago i was trapped in pak with no rights. It’s taken me THAT long to recover mentally & materially. Last couple years ive been fiercely confident with the help of my loved ones. Not yet fully independent but it gets better.
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You ever see someone from your old posts/memories and wanna send a message like hey btw you were genuinely a terrible pathetic human being towards me and i do not forgive you. May u rot and suffer for the cruelty u inflicted before u ever evolve.
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Reading books is so much easier to do when im in nature with the love of my life
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Man idk why i seem to forget how horrible my family is. I was craving briyani the way my mom specifically makes it so i reached out to her asking if she would teach me how to make it (she has never allowed me to learn recipes) at first it was going fine but it ended in a disaster
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@TheNapMinistry
I hate when people think this is unrealistic or asking for too much because there’s no reason we cant have this. We have more than enough money to go around. But of course people believe the capitalist mentality theyve had so deeply ingrained
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Why are u as a south asian woman calling it “poor life choices” 😐 do u live under a rock ? How do u not realize majority of south asian women lack autonomy and yes it is due to patriarchy. I promise people are actually made to suffer, not just secretly insecure & jealous.
Just because you had a bad marriage, or you couldn’t/didn’t get married, it does not give you a right to sh!t on people who are happily married. Your poor life choices are no one’s fault. And no, it’s not your war against patriarchy, just your insecurities speaking
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Couldnt sleep well because of my period & i have a really big test today :((( but apparently my tweet was a hit. I pray everyone finds such a nurturing love. As usual it reached a pak audience and i know periods are so ghaleez taboo and pain is not taken seriously in our culture
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it finally happened. the desi auntie at my job (who i dont even work for) went from being overly friendly to scolding me for something that i actually have no responsibility over and i asked her to act professional. she was stunned lmao
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Bought myself sum nice shoes healing my poverty strucken inner child
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@KM90045067
@jellyfi31139239
That is true but that’s not why it matters in this context. It matters because my brother is able to choose a white american woman, very opposite to the way his own sisters were FORCED to live. He denies his privilege and abuse because he’s a complete and utter hypocrite.
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Maybe i should put this here :
Couldnt sleep well because of my period & i have a really big test today :((( but apparently my tweet was a hit. I pray everyone finds such a nurturing love. As usual it reached a pak audience and i know periods are so ghaleez taboo and pain is not taken seriously in our culture
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@BARBZSUPREMACY
Omg. This reminds me of when i asked my ex why he felt sure about being with me and he used the fact that im not chronically ill as one of the reasons.....
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I love my weird beautiful face and i hope u love ur own too
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Hehehe heres pakistani cher! Truthfully i dont know her or look like her but someone told me i should dress up as cher for Halloween! I guess since we’re both super skinny with long dark hair. My bf’s mom made the whole outfit 😁 i like her style, this is based off 1974 grammys
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@KM90045067
@jellyfi31139239
If my brother was never abusive and wanted to be with a white woman thats his life, but he’s living a fake ass life pretending to be some type of liberal openminded wholesome guy.
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We had 2 dramatic beautiful first kisses. One when we met. So in sync, it felt like we were on drugs (still feel that way). Life was complicated so we became rly wonderful close best friends. The second time was years later after having break ups & it just made sense / it clicked
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@shymeowboo
Thank you, saving up for it! And fortunately i have a safe space to go to if it gets too bad 💗
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One of these days ima write a book. I think about it all the time. Even when i was young & too ashamed to tell anyone, i would secretly think about being like anne frank. Leaving behind an incredibly detailed emotional journal before i take my life to escape the pain.
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I spend so much time trying to google or find youtube videos about “adulting” because no one is really there to help me navigate life. How to have a meaningful career, how to purchase a home, how to heal emotionally, how to nourish myself physically, how to raise children, etc.
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God pakistani women live with some of the worst pressure & scrutiny on earth, very unsafe circumstances, dont even have high expectations, just wanna feel like their feelings matter, wanna be happy and sometimes taken care of. Yet this is how our men think. Dude you suck
Sorry but most of Pakistani women have a very wrong perception of relationships. They think the whole meaning of a relationship is for men to make them feel happy at the end of every day. That is not a practical way of looking at it.
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My bf really went above n beyond to make sure i had a special bday. And my best friend marwa did my mehndi and also brought me pretty flowers <3 and made us dessert style breakfast in the morning after we stayed up watching amelie and some stupid reality show
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I’m a little speechless with the amount of attention my toxic family has brought. I’m sorry if i don’t respond, im glad that my tweets reached people who feel less alone, less crazy. To others this is a very well known secret.
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People so petty over her calling him “middle eastern” instead of “south asian” shut da fuck up omg. Theyre the same anyway.
Middle eastern and south asian men BOTH tend to do the most horrid conniving shit youve ever heard of especially to a woman their families dont approve of.
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I keep forgetting to update this but as of now i cant rly do this :( will update when it’s possible again
No one on earth is braver than muslim femmes constantly living a double life, straight up risking their lives for basic human rights. U have my full eternal support. I will literally send you $ if you need it. Dms always open.
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@333gecs
Something about a edgy white girl screaming at the top of her lungs insulting a nonwhite cop for his features.... does not sit right w me.
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@leo_kardashian
@labil_e
they cut off the ending when the camera guy trying to be enthusiastic says “thats good” that part makes it even funnier
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@kikosdream
My symptoms are very much healed/ in check and i would communicate a lot about my diagnosis yet my ex still didnt think to do this for me..... and it was his own behavior that would trigger me otherwise i was doing really good 😬 haha people really dont know how to give a fuck
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Children (people in general) really do remember who made them feel safe and encouraged to be themselves. I want to be that person for every child i come across
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I used to obsessively plan it out like a bucket list. I didnt wanna die for nothing, way too passionate for that. I even thought i would make it anonymous so my family doesnt face any backlash. Anyway im so glad im still here living beyond my expectations
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@RouthSubhadeep
@equ8in
Thank you, so many men in our culture cant even do the bare minimum to acknowledge patriarchy. Their sisters, mothers, wives are often carrying the family’s honor & huge responsibilities meanwhile they can do whatever. They see no issue with it. I appreciate you caring
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Most americans dont even know the difference between the middle east and south asia which….. makes it even funnier
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And it’s normal for women to receive no help as they do most household chores. Theres discourse about this all the time yet idk if things will change in our lifetime. I just know women in pak deserve the best. Also it’s okay for your man to wash blood stains ! Just the bedsheets
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We take a million pics now, go see our favorite artists, read books together, play with his nieces & talk about having kids one day, help his parents run their food business, attend therapy sessions together, help each other however we can. He’s the most wonderful lover & friend.
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My mom kept micromanaging and screaming at me that im not doing things fast enough and it’s gonna burn (it didnt). Once i proved her wrong she literally left and gave me the silent treatment... I kept pleading her but she was so stubborn so i did something ive never thought to do
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@kinnsmagnumgun
Any decent sibling would acknowledge their privileges or at the very least not contribute to your trauma. Hope your brother can be an ally to you if he isn’t abusive like mine. Hope you’re able to empower yourself regardless tho 💗 try to find a therapist with your bg if possible
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Very well deserved rant. My only counter argument would be that a lot of women partnered with men are NOT OK. Idk a single marriage esp with kids that’s actually healthy or ideal. Coworkers, acquaintances, even damn near strangers alike have often told me that.
I wonder if any of you will empathize with the mirror of your situation
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I’m done allowing my compassion for my sister as a victim with mental health issues to dismiss her own abusive behavior. I’m done feeling responsible for my elderly father who has always been avoidant and accusatory. And of course my brothers are physically abusive pieces of shit
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Do whatever you can to have a back up plan. These men often want a maid/slave. My own brother specifically said he wanted arranged marriage with a girl back home who wont have any income. He has a history of violence!!! If i wasnt avoiding him myself i could warn the wife.
girls, always do a thorough investigation before accepting proposals of overseas pakistanis. write emails to the embassy and their company asking about their employment/visa status. if u got relatives in that country, ask them to visit the guy & ask his neighbours about him
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I texted people closest to me to please remind me to never go back there or expect them to be decent normal people. Even if it means my cat is dying. The dehumanization they put me thru is never worth the risk. I had a moment of weakness today but from here on i need to stay away
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Pictures my bf took of me at a butterfly conservatory <3 u can tell i really love my side profile hehe
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Ty ✨ i remember not wanting to post this cuz i was like what is up with my nECk and it was the only photo i took that day
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ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS MOVED OUT CHANGED HER NUMBER AND GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER FROM HER ABUSIVE EX!!!!! FIRST TIME IN 8 YEARS BEING WITHOUT HIM!!!! I’m crying
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Wait i like this one more! I was staring back at a girl that was watching me & my bf do a little photoshoot at the concert haha
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Rehti hi nahi” like huh nobody was talking to you but you made it very clear that you’re jealous and insecure. Also this is our culture! What type of mother hoards her recipes from her daughters? They’re all so dysfunctional it’s like a circus in that house
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Yup he came to me crying at one point when i messaged the girl about my experiences. He just continued to gaslight me the whole time. It was an incredible performance honestly wow. Idk someone can deny the things he did throughout my whole life
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@2tytoo
@JaylaWatkins3
@izzyolaseni
Literally a baby. Made me frown at the end. He shouldn’t be talked to like that :(
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Something that honestly goes against my beliefs (i hate wasting stuff) i took the pot and threw everything outside on the patio and left. One last fuck you before blocking every member of my family including my father who i usually have a soft spot for but he did nothing to help.
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@TheAlien_A
Honestly i feel very blessed for the love and support in my life and closer to all my goals! It’s the reason why ive been able to become so vocal about this. Healing has shown me how incredibly fucked up my family has been to each other and especially the hypocrisy of my brother.
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Theres this older indian lady in my class so naturally ive been helping her. I know what it’s like to be an immigrant and suffer. But she’s soooo nosy & invasive, hovering over me and asking random shit. I wanna tell her im not your child im an adult this is amreeka 😭 back off
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@ everyone asking where did i find a man like this my heart breaks. We all deserve someone who cares so much to ease our burdens. My partner was a close friend for a long time so i suggest building platonic trust but theres no cheat code :( Generous kind people are a blessing
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Unedited pic of the sky above my bedroom. I blew a kiss n said goodbye
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