Tolúlọpé
@tolusaba
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Netflix is a stupid company because how do they expect me to remember how we got here even?.
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This one no know wetin God done do for am.
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Nigeria is going to play Iceland 2-0. At least that’s what my dream said. I’m not sure who won but the same person scored both goals.
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Every time I experience a work-free Monday, I just get the feeling that this is the way that God intended for us to live.
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On your way back home, how do you explain at the airport that you’re the same person?.
no Turkey surgeons are fucking wild with their 8 surgeries at once…. this man came back looking 30 years younger
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Ever just stopped in the middle of work and thought “There must be easier ways to make money than this”.
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The cure for burnout is resignation. Unfortunate side effects include poverty though.
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There is nothing that proves that hard drugs have been in circulation for a long time in Nigeria any more than old Nollywood movies.
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Is there no plot Nollywood has not explored?.
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Every time I reach for my phone, I’m reminded of how lucky I am.
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I hope Davido can find his infectious happiness again. It would kill me to see him unhappy.
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Just a few more hours and I’m back to “can you see my screen”. God abeg.
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I disagree with almost everything I see on the timeline but it's not me that will tell you that you don't have sense.
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I think I finally get the “See your head like bonga fish” insult.
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Everyday, a nigga this, a nigga that…
A nigga who want you , will literally come get you .
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Starting to think God created Nigeria two hours before deadline.
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I really was about to fry some basic ass eggs then I remembered one Instagram video I saw then tossed the bread inside.
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Secondary school must have been hell for this man.
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I just saw Yakubu Aiyebgeni jogging around the estate. Crazy, I had this driver make a U-turn just so I could be sure he was the one. Driver said “No be him fuck us up for World Cup, make I jam am?”.
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Dear lord,. Please treat this as a personal request.
Y’all think 2020 was is bad, just wait for 2021 🤷🏾♂️.
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I’m afraid for Seyi Makinde. Light is never allowed to shine in Nigerian politics.
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You can marry late and marry wrong at the same time.
Marrying late is better than marrying wrong.
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Every time I eat dinner before 7pm because I’m trying to be a reasonable human being, it ends up being the first of three dinners.
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I really just want to be as far away as I possibly can from poverty.
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I live in block 3, slice 2.
This is a house on the island, you'd be amazed the rent will go as high as a million per yr. Real estate is an embarrassment in Lagos.
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A year older today. Celebrated it with the woman I want to spend the rest of my years with. ❤️
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Maybe put the price up?.
If you’re not ready to buy, resist the urge to ask for the price. It’s mentally draining for vendors.
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Nigeria is a script written by a drunk mad man.
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Everybody telling me to sleep and dream stuff for them. Y’all trynna put me in coma.
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If you dey Lekki and I dey Heathrow, I go enter Ikeja before you.
The Chief Justice of Nigeria (CJN) Justice Kayode Ariwoola leaving the Supreme Court for the Ansar-Ud-Deen Central Mosque, Abuja, to observe his prayers today. This is coming in the wake of speculations that he is in London to meet president-elect Bola Tinubu.
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Our Governor told us to donate to COVID relief funds. Three months later, the government says its sort of illegal to crowdfund. Okay.
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If they shoot you this one, it’s tetanus that will kill you.
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Says someone who has bleached so hard, he’s nearly transparent.
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What Labour Party needs to do now to protect the reputation of the party is to take nominations and candidacy very seriously. The character, integrity and virtue of anyone who desires to run for any position under the Labour Party need to be double and triple checked.
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Small dictator that they called this one, he has turned off power for the whole Nigeria.
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Nigeria is not a good place to be single in right now. Everywhere hard. You need someone to keep you sane or at the very least share your problems.
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If you find yourself waiting 12 hours for a Wizkid concert, maybe you need to look back at all of the life choices that led you to that very moment.
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Phone calls make me nervous as hell. There is a medical condition for this right?.
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A country that still uses Comic Sans for official communication is not ready for progress.
In honour of Queen Elizabeth II, The Sovereign of the United Kingdom, Chairman of the Commonwealth and an eminent global personality, whose passage was announced, the Ministry of Interior of the Federal Government of Nigeria declares that all flags in Nigeria and our missions
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This girl has bought more cars than I have bought clothes this year.
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Cleaning can be therapeutic too. Which is why I hire a cleaner. Make them clear their head and make some money too while at it.
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Find somewhere quiet and practice for IELTS.
Date ideas in Lagos please?.
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The only artist making me wait 2+hours to see him is Davido. And that is because he’s gonna jump up and down as punishment for his tardiness. What you’re not going to do is make me wait hours only to stand in one place dressed in bed robe, romancing microphone.
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The older generation of Nigerian women is the most precious set of Nigerians and I fear we may never see their kind again after they are gone.
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Pasta Rodognese.
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It's my birthday today. Rough 365 days but we came out unscathed. 🎈
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This one is Prince Obinrin.
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Tech is blood money. The only gimmick is that it requires your own blood.
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Dollars will not save you when you have a knife in your neck and you’re stuck in traffic on your way to a hospital that is most likely on strike.
Staying in Nigeria and earning dollars makes sense too.
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Trust Pogba. Omo olomo for done fake injury after 2-0. Make them no stain him white.
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Any egg that doesn’t have ata gungun and Maggi is not serious.
Nigerian scrambled eggs >>> english scrambled eggs.
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Their customers are 70+.They need their customers alive.
Union Bank is the most unproblematic bank I've used.
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When Ciara was giving us moves, future wasn't even in the past. Hell, they hadn't even invented his Genre.
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You dey work for oando?.
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Has suicide ever crossed your mind? Be honest.
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So guys, I had a dream about the finals today. It was 2-1 at the time I got up. Pogba had a goal and an assist, there was a headed goal and two of these goals came in quick succession. Use this information wisely.
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God, deliver me from poverty.
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Passing the paw paw test with a diss record is disgusting 😂.
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I’ve seen a lot of nonsense on my timeline today but of all the nonsense, this is the most nonsensesest.
There’s really no reason why Akara should exist. None.
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Pull few strings, pull few strings. Na so nigeria take spoil.
Idris Elba’s daughter wanted a part in his new movie “Beast” They made her audition for the part, she didn’t get the part. She didn’t speak to her father for 3 weeks because she felt he could’ve pulled some strings.
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Davido is definitely running for something in the not-so-near future. Our anthem is long overdue of a facelift anyway. Arise, O Compatriots. SHEKPE!.
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This one is khayefi.
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Don’t buy crocs. You would think “Oh, these are just for grocery runs” but before you know it, you’re wearing them to church.
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I burn for you fr.
Sexual attraction to people that have fuel. Petrophilia.
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As someone who really likes his personal space, always wanting to be near you is the final sign that I love you. Always surprises me because I always just want to be left alone.
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The universe has given us more Rihannas, since Rihanna 001 has forgotten her purpose. The prophecy will be fulfilled, regardless of which Rihanna.
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Important first date question: Do you watch Game of Thrones?. Because I cannot date someone who wouldn’t understand why I am shouting Dracarys mid-intercourse.
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