Benevolus™
@thebenevolus
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Following
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Sarcastic and sardonic with a hint of cynicism. Do not take life too seriously, we won't make it out alive.
Joined August 2020
*at sperm bank. Receptionist: Sir, we do not call the deposits "gender fluid". Me:
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@githii If you're so scared you need to shoot first and ask questions later, maybe consider a job in corporate banking.
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@emilykmay Men aren't gonna pick up on that, in general. Gotta be more direct. "Here's my number so you can rearrange my guts.".
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@Slatzism So worried ab the squirrel being exploited she got the gvmt to kill it. Big brain stuff.
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Wait….so the Buffalo shooter used an illegal gun where it was illegal to possess a gun? That’s weird.
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When I say ‘50s wife, I mean 1850s. Like a homesteading, gun totin’, vegetable growin’ badass partner who takes no shit.
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@TheMcKenziest You go to the little eyeglass thing and then type in what you're looking for.
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When you’re 10 seconds old but already tired of government overreach.
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@Copyrite Everybody glossing over the "how do you not get skidmarks in a g-string" comment.
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@Rothmus If your wife doesn't have more respect for you than that, she's not really your wife.
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@JoeLigo I once went to a Halloween Party as Napoleon Dynamite and some drunk girl started demanding I paint her some happy little trees.
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The same ppl who say you can't privatize USPS bc "it's in the constitution" want to end the Electoral College.
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@Jameca2011 Not sure if yours is just a joke, but awhile back my total was $19.25 so I gave the kid a $20 and a quarter. This dude hands me a $10 and .75 cents back 😂😂 I corrected it, but man it was all I could do not to laugh.
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AOC simps are just as cultish as Trumpists. I said what I said.
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Jeff Bezos supports a $15/hr minimum wage. So do the other corporations. Shouldn’t the anti-Bezos/anti-corporation crowd be insanely suspicious ab this?.
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@yoongienthusias So, it had a snowless October 130+ years ago but bc it had one again we supposed to be scared?.
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Wait….How are AR-15s simultaneously weapons of war and also not worthy enough to be used in a war against a tyrannical government?.
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@boredstalker2 @GreenTextRepost *ends up married to man bc unable to confront awkward social situation created from his lie. 😂😂.
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I knew homie was in trouble when he stuck the pour spout in the bottle 😂.
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Don’t try and shortchange me, I know what my services are worth.
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@whatever Jesus let a prostitute wash his feet and called out the Pharisee for his hypocrisy. It's in Luke chapter 7, assuming you aren't aware. Nothing Jesus ever said suggests that a person's past is unforgivable. It may get you clicks, but it certainly isn't Christian. Hope this helps.
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Lost another close friend to an overdose this week. They found him in an abandoned building. One of the best humans I have ever known. RIP brother.
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