Me: The Red Sox will totally sign Mookie next off-season!!!!
Mookie: Signs a trillion dollar lifetime deal with the Dodgers
Me at the souvenir shop at Fenway next season:
I'm going to make a dating app specifically designed for people to find dining partners. Criteria in bio's will include favorite food types, time of day when most hungry. An alert system when you're in the mood for eat so matches can coordinate dining plans. Don't steal my idea
Your boy…. is officially… A MASTER PLUMBER.
Thank you everyone that has supported me. I love you all to death. God is real! 👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧👨🏻🔧
Things that would make a billion dollars in southern Rhode Island:
1. Chic-Fil-A or Popeyes
2. A reliable barber that does fades and beards
3. A place to get a cold brew that isn’t
#AshawayDunkin
feel free to add more
Working at a house today and the little kid that lives here told me he wants to grow up and become a plumber bc of me 🥲🥲
(I told him to stay in school)
Starbucks in Wakefield just gave
#AshawayDunkin
a run for their money...
Asked for a bagel toasted w/ butter. Opened the bag and the butter stick is in there with a knife
Every time I listen to Your Old Droog I feel like my brain resets. I’ll be laughing out loud and genuinely amazed every bar. Best rapper alive, by far, any genre, no hyperbole, not trying to kiss ass.
#AshawayDunkin
is the best Dunkin Donuts in the world! They got my order right and they even gave me a free donut for being such a wonderful customer! I love
#AshawayDunkin
so much!!!!
Just had the most transactional middle finger experience of my life. A guy cut me off, I flipped him off, he flipped me off (out of self defense). I burst out laughing, so did he. And then we both kept driving
#DairyQueen
in North Stonington conspiracy: The bank next door to it is a sham. Never seen a single person walk in or out. If the government was hiding a secret portal to the Upside-Down in this area, it'd be underneath that bank.
Crazy
#plumbing
story: Worked in a woman’s house today. Turns out she was in love with my great-uncle and SAVED this magazine that he posed in many years ago. He passed away in 1992 ((I never met him) She gave us the magazine when we left!
Corona Update:
I'm now offering my plumbing knowledge virtually. Hit me up if you have any plumbing related questions.
-Clogged toilet? I'll walk you through it.
-DIY project that you are unsure about? Let me virtually help
-Other stuff? I'm here to help
Alex Rodriguez was the greatest douche in sports history IMO. Guy deserves to be in the Hall just so we can always remember how important hating him was to the game of baseball. Hate for him truly was the galvanizing force of the 2004 Red Sox lmfao
My favorite thing about wearing a mask is being able to walk around with my mouth open in public like a friggin idiot and not worrying that anyone can see!
Just got intensely IDed at the Ashaway Liquor Store buying a 12 pack of Truly’s. I want my money back on this beard I’ve been growing since I was 22...
Thankful for every person that’s in my life— whether you walked in to it this year, walked out, or have been there all along. You guys make me happy and I love you all!
#29