Patrick Dalton
@shitlondon
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Writer/Author of a moderately successful series of toilet books about a decade ago. . MD ANT🏅 @patrickdalton.bsky.social
Joined February 2010
The Daily Mail on Kate Middleton being hospitalized is honestly one of the most mental pieces of journalism I've ever read.
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The finest eleven seconds of television ever broadcast in the UK
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It's the time of year we must all take a quiet moment to remember the "Leave it, Tony, he's not worth it" Christmas card.
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Pound shop gold. The instructions are the greatest thing I've ever read.
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You're pissed off because the government you voted for won't allow you into a pub without the right paperwork??. Wait til you find out about the entire continent they've barred you from.
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Lovely to see a traditional old business like this thriving ❤️
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If Sunak has lost all his WhatsApp messages why did he bother launching a legal challenge in July to stop him having to hand them over to the inquiry???
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Today is the one year anniversary of the greatest moment in the entire history of popular music
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Disgraceful. Some vandal has set fire to a flower bed at the local park.
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Game changer. No more wiping my bum on expensive jumpers.
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Incredible scenes as people flee London after Khan's victory. Families with whatever possessions they had time to pack. Desperate people hanging onto the back of lorries. Some abandon their cars to escape before sharia law is installed. Notice no cars heading INTO the city.
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Remember when Jean-Charles de Menezes refused an order from armed police officers to stop, vaulted over a ticket barrier & ran onto a tube train where the police shot him dead. until CCTV proved otherwise & the police admitted that none of that had actually happened?.
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"Just the sight of her, anywhere – reed slim and elegant, conker hair shining, always, always smiling – makes the world nicer, better, easier, navigable". Next time you're moaning about being poor & hungry just think of Kate, reed thin, conker coloured hair & you'll be fine 👍🇬🇧.
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Walked into the polling station & proudly declared "I'm voting for Susan Hall". The whole room burst into applause. Moments later the police arrived & forced me at gunpoint to vote for Hamas instead. Then they tasered a D-Day veteran. THIS is Khan's London. #TwoTierPolice.
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We are a ridiculous country.
Unconfirmed, but it looks as though Princess Charlotte is rewearing the same maroon coat dress she wore for last year's service
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My Mum and Dad here back in the late 70s/early 80's, looking like they're celebrating after murdering their first hitchhiker
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This pair are grotesque. Avoiding the questions. Gaslighting the public. All cheered on by their braying MP's. Sickening. What a low point in our history. Ashamed of what our country has become. #PMQs
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Hearing rumours from Westminster that Johnathan Gullis is planning a defecation.
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Like Jimmy Savile's bloated corpse being retrieved after three days in a lake.
Christ, the state of him, like a glazed ham rolled along a stable floor
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Mayoral candidate Susan Hall on the radio claiming she was pickpocketed on the tube. Only her oyster card was taken. She didn't see who did it. A member of the public later found it on a seat on the tube & it was returned to her. Sounds like she might've just dropped it.
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Funny but I don't remember it being called a riot when those Tiny Tommy Robinson supporting losers went loopy on Whitehall & attacked police & threw up Nazi salutes.
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Michelle Mone & Doug Barrowman being interview by Laura Kuenssberg.
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Three requests to use this photo from newspapers. So far none have had the budget to pay me for them. Weird as they are big, rich national news outlets & I'm just a photographer who got no financial support from the gov last year, savings vanished & have a baby to feed.
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Realized I couldn't just sit by & do nothing so have set up a crowd funder. Donate 4 Kate! Pls share.
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Prediction. Tommy Robinson's band of goons will get on the Carling & the sniff. Some of them will attack the police. They'll blame the police. Then they'll cry about two tier policing. It's the same every time.
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It's like the fall of Saigon all over again. The Gregg's at the nearest service station has been completely cleared out. Truly chilling.
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I'd quite like the KC or Starmer or anyone with access to ask this question. It's especially galling considering his is the government that wants to be able to snoop into people's bank accounts but feels it's above scrutiny itself.
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Shout-out to The Guardian and i-newspaper for playing fair.
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Honestly, at this point I could run the country better than this. and I'm a fucking idiot.
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There's a strong case to be made that Chas & Dave are Britain's most underrated musical duo. This is ridiculously good.
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Mysterious note/reminder/cry for help spotted on the pavement
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Installing the son of a KGB agent in the HOL. Giving a peerage to some random parliamentary aide & then putting a super-injunction in place to stop anyone finding out why. It's all rotten to the core. They're a bunch of con-artist, wide boy, vandals hiding behind posh accents.
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Fishi Rishi & the rest of the corrupt Conservatives deserve to be in the political wilderness for a couple of decades. "Losing" phones, messages, burying reports into Russian interference in the UK. it all stinks. We need a complete overhaul of how we do politics in the UK.
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@Derekabcd This time it's different. There won't be another election. He'll declare himself emperor. Mark my words.
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Leonardo DiCaprio praises Indian man for discovering new fish in a bucket
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Okay, well some people have begun donate to this & somebody from GoFundMe has emailed to say we can turn this into a charity funder so if you want to donate. donate. Anyone have a good recommendation for a UK charity which helps families in immediate trouble?.
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Just went into the Post Office. No tinsel up. The manager said it's no longer allowed because of #Woke. I began to sing Jingle Bells. The whole queue joined in. An elderly veteran came up to me crying, saluted & thanked me for standing up for #ChristianValues . Everyone clapped.
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Funny, he didn't consider how the Tories treat people in need when he flew all the way from New York just to vote against tax credits for the working poor.
Andrew Lloyd Webber tells LBC he regrets taking the Conservative whip in the House of Lords because of how the Government has treated the theatre industry. @NickFerrariLBC | @OfficialALW
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@Bradpittkin It's that pesky Freedom of speech, Nige claims to love so much. I had no idea Farage and his devotees were such whiny little snowflakes.
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@RocketMinx @_DHOTYA I don't know, I saw multiple people collapse upon seeing the news. Seemed like the final straw for many. Especially those still reeling from Sadiq Khan cancelling Christmas last year.
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Well done geniuses, the BBC left that building 9 years ago 🙄.
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Honestly, Middle England scares the bejesus out of me. You think it's all church fetes & cake sales but scratch just beneath the surface & they're all in favour of reeducation camps.
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A splinter group have built what appears to be some kind of makeshift temple in the back of an HGV and created a religion based on the teachings of that Rod Stewart looking guy from Pimlico Plumbers. At dawn they sacrificed someone who'd been suspected of WFH. It's getting ugly.
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@RobinW1966 That's why people are running. He'll never relinquish power now. He will crush all those that dared oppose him. I've heard rumors he's going to take over Buckingham Palace & make it his HQ with the help of Prince Harry & Meghan. Kate has already fled. It's over 😢.
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@LBC @RachelSJohnson @NickFerrariLBC @christopherhope The kind side where he leaves his wife whilst she's going through chemo?. The kind side where he cheats on every wife he's had?. The kind side where he conspires to get people he doesn't like beaten up?. Or the kind side that said 'let the bodies pile high'?.
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@Conservatives @RishiSunak @JohnnyMercerUK Mercer, disrespectfully dressed in shorts & trainers, places his shoe on the War Memorial. He MUST be prosecuted.
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Funny, usually the Daily Mail seem to LOVE teenagers looking older than their years
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The Glastonbury festival is being attacked for being 'lefty' & 'woke'. Can anyone recommend some decent right-wing music and arts festivals?.
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If only Corbyn had told a big whopper like £350 million a week to the NHS, he'd be foreign secretary by now.
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DO NOT DONATE to this btw. I tried to edit it to make it one of those things where donations will got straight to charity but I'm too stupid to work it out. If by some miracle it does reach its goal I'll only waste the money on booze & crisps. You have been warned.
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Well, this could've been worded a little more delicately
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I missed the FOURTH anniversary of this dammit!!. Happy Dill Danding day for last week everyone. Hope you all marked it in your own special way 🙏.
Today is the one year anniversary of the greatest moment in the entire history of popular music
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It's weird how the people that get most offended by men who dress up & pretend to be women are men who dress up & pretend to be men.
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SEND HELP. There's a chance of flooding so some are even talking about forgiving the RNLI. it's THAT bad.
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Thank God the Garden Centres are open again. These last few weeks of not being able to purchase whale song CD's, 'It's Gin O'Clock!' signage & metal sculptures of frogs playing jazz instruments have been particularly trying for my family.
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Quite a night out here on the road. Many went off to use the toilet & never returned. Seems quite a few were picked off in the darkness by what or whom nobody seems to know. All kinds of crazy rumours circulating. Fights breaking out over empty containers to collect rainwater.
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This. Is. Happening. On. Your. Watch.
Very very very clear - Corbyn will never protect us against our enemies.
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Sunak's announcement. ". and I'm excited to launch what we're calling 'Eat Out To Help Out 2: Electric Boogaloo'. Thank you, no further questions"
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Found the first memory card I ever bought for a digital camera. This was first photo on it.
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I defy anyone to make a more disturbing vinyl discovery today
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@LBC @NickFerrariLBC Maybe private schools should make some cuts in their service to keep costs down - sell some playing fields, reduce essential maintenance of buildings, cut arts & drama etc?.
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Respect to the staff at the local Co-op for working their usual hours of 86 o'clock in the morning all the way through to 11:88pm this Bank Holiday Monday 🙏
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Social Media 2003 - Hey, check out my profile & listen to this song I like!. Social Media 2004 - Hey, let's all stalk each other in a kind of fun way!. Social Media 2006 - Hey, let's share news articles & discuss!. Social Media 2024 - Hey, were the Nazis really all that bad?!?.
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@guardiannews I give a stranger almost £20,000 a year to pay off their mortgage. I am unable to get a mortgage because I am giving a stranger £20,000 a year & am therefore not financially viable to mortgage companies. 👍.
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A group apparently walked through the night, found a Wild Bean Cafe about 7 miles from here, commandeered it & plan to make a last stand there. Phone batteries are dying so some are considering making a dash for there.
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Tragically, another 6 Music dad was pulled from the local wild swimming hole this morning with hypothermia. The 11th this week. Please, if you're going to wild swim in these low temperatures do not forget to bring a camouflage dryrobe® & a misplaced sense of superiority. 🙏.
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Elon Musk dumps a car in space & everyone's excited. I dump a car in the local canal & someone calls the authorities. Yet another example of rules not applying for the rich.
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@Fariska Great if you're after a Hawaiian shirt with epaulettes & horn toggle fastenings made by a company called Cheeky Pint.
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I remember being in the crowd & thinking that someone had spiked my drink with something.
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Lee Anderson is one of those pub bores who uses performative 'common sense', 'plain speaking', 'toughness' to mask his own insecurity over his many personal limitations. He's a div's idea of an intelligent man. A bully that only weak men look up too. A real c***t's c**t.
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