Husbands be like, “I’m gonna nap in this room that everyone uses and then act grumpy when everyone uses it.”

Can’t wait for Halloween 🤪

Stop sending d*ck pics. I want to see a pic of how you load a dishwasher.

I have three kids: a 14-year-old, an 11-year-old, and an imaginary child who is actually to blame for everything the other two get accused of.

I bet I can get as much water OUTSIDE the shower as I get INSIDE the shower. - kids

My daughter, reading the shelter website, just informed me that all puppies are sprayed and nurtured. She’s obviously never seen an episode of The Price is Right.

Tween: ugh, you and dad are the cringiest Me: when you were potty training you had me line up your stuffed animals to watch you poop

The way preteens fight is wild, y’all. Every day someone deletes someone else from a group chat. That person retaliates by starting a new chat which excludes the person who deleted them, prompting the deleted person to pop up in another group chat to complain about being excluded

Me: “My god, we have never-ending laundry.” My son, 8: “Well maybe that wouldn’t happen if you all stopped getting me CLOTHES for my birthday.”

Tonight during dinner my daughter said, “they say home is where the heart is, but I think cheese is where the heart is,” and I’ve never been more proud of her.

Me, saying goodnight to my teen: did you brush your teeth? My 15 year old: nah but they’re clean

I found out today that mini skirts and low rise pants are on trend this year. I also found out today that I will not be on trend this year.

I’m at the stage in my life now when my kid describes someone as old I have to say “old like me or old like grandma”?

My father refuses to invite people over for dinner because “once you start that shit, they’re gonna wanna return the favor and the next thing you know, you’re fucken friends.”

Got locked out of my computer today. My password would not work. I called 3 people for advice, cried a few times and read 20 articles about computer hacks. I even drafted a generic text to share with clients in case I couldn’t complete work tasks. Turns out my caps lock was on 🙄

Me to my daughter: it’s important to be direct about your feelings and have open and honest communication. Me to my husband: if you don’t understand why I’m upset, I’m not going to explain it to you.

My 3YO refuses to put on her socks because she thinks the triceratops on them will eat her feet, which is really dumb because it’s not a meat-eater.

Kids are wild because they openly mock our generation while brazenly stealing every single trend from our youth

I’m gonna give 10 random people that repost this and follow me $25,000 for fun (the $250,000 my X video made) I’ll pick the winners in 72 hours

Sorry I’m late. I put a dress over my head that was one size too small, and it turned into a 30-minute escape mission for my husband.

I told my 6yo I was tired. She got her book and read to me so I could take a nap. As I fell asleep, she closed her book and put her head on my chest. We both took an amazing nap. Having kids is not easy, but moments like this make all the vomit I've had to clean up worth it.