Sara Barron
@sarabarron
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Following
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Comedian. (Live at the Apollo, Would I Lie to You, Richard Osman’s House of Games). One-half of the FireCrotch & Normcore podcast.
London
Joined April 2011
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Last Seen Profiles
OBSERVED OUTSIDE TRAIN STATION:
A couple is walking. The guy points down the road & with no hint of irony says “A pub near the station should be a good one, right?”
The woman stops walking, looks at him & says “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore” and then just WALKED AWAY.
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Twice in 2 days I've been asked to audition for the role of a mom... of someone who is 27.
I myself am 42.
To all casting directors: can you audition women in their 50s/60s for these roles? Or what? Are women that age just not allowed on screen anymore?
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Years ago, I saved my positive pregnancy test & just stumbled upon it. I got misty-eyed, walked downstairs to show my husband & said just “Look”. I realize *now* what was unclear, but 2 words: WORTH IT.
High recommend for the ladies, for future pranks & hijinks.
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My husband booked a female plumber to come fix our sink, and now he’s swanning around like he’s Emmeline Pankhurst.
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On a train last night a policeman walked by. A drunk lady went “I don’t often see police on a train.” Then she yelled AT the policeman, “I BET YOU’RE REALLY A STRIPPER” & he smiled & did a tiny shimmy, & whatever broke in me this past year, this single exchange has repaired it.
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My husband just told me that if I die first, he'll get an enormous laugh at my funeral by opening the eulogy with the words 'Sara never had a bad word to say about anyone'.
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Okay so 2022 is now just the year in which my husband & I were at home on different floors when I texted "Are you coming down?" & he wrote back: "Just shitting".
But he didn't come down, so I texted again: "Are you still shitting?" except I sent it to our 65-y-o babysitter.
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Find someone who looks at you the way Geoff looks at the ground:
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I want to kiss whoever wrote this headline.
Kavanaugh, who said it was absurd to judge him based on who he was in high school, thinks children convicted of crimes should die in prison.
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I once messaged a guy I was dating "R u around tonight?" & he responded "Stay gold ponygirl" & was then never heard from again. It was the strangest/most hurtful non-sequitur. Until today. Today I told my 5-y-old I loved him & he went "I wish I was born in the year of the ox".
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Fun reminder that I hit my Halloween peak in 2016 when my 6-month-old baby and I went as Tony and Carmela Soprano.
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When I became a mom I pictured…. so many things - the highs *and* lows! - but nothing prepped me for today, when my 6-y-o’s teacher pulled me aside to inform me that, for Show & Tell, he performed ABBA’s “Gimme Gimme Gimme (a man after midnight)”.
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My son just asked "Where is your orange juice?", and after a couple minutes' worth of questions (he's never seen me drink orange juice) I realized that by "orange juice" he means "negroni", so anyway I'm killing it.
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💡moment: When my mom would say, “Ask dad. He’s better at that sort of thing,” about pretty much everything, it wasn’t because he was actually better. It was that she was tired and couldn’t be fucked.
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I’ve invented a game called “Is This the Peri-menopause Or Am I Just a Raging C*nt”. DM if u wanna play! (I’ll have advance Qs for u to answer about what’s going on with your chin hair and menstrual cycle, PS) 💋
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I’m a 42-year-old wife and mother and I just took myself, alone, for an ice cream and I FEEL FUCKING ALIVE.
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I just had a 10-year-old sofa professionally steam-cleaned and it's the best money I've ever spent, and I say that as someone who used IVF to have a baby.
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I’m at The Tate and there are so many people without masks on, and the idea that there are people who are like, “Let’s take in some culture!” BUT ALSO “I’m not wearing a mask” is broadening my definition of who an asshole is. 2022, baby! Let’s never stop learning.
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I just tried on new underpants, looked at myself in the mirror, thought "That is a FIERCE tuck" and then remembered I actually have a vagina and not everything is an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.
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I don’t think that international travel is a birthright, but I *do* feel sad depriving the jet-set of my elegance abroad.
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On an over-crowded train (at the weekend) with my 5-year-old. He saw this pile of boys, and went, “Mummy, look! One Direction!”
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He was like, “We met 12 yrs ago. I love you now more than ever”, I was like, “I have no idea what to do with that many flowers”.
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My kid just held his hand *under* the walk-button on a traffic light because he thought it would dispense hand sanitizer. (This will be my answer now to the question of how he’s been affected by the pandemic.)
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Big news: I WON MASTERMIND.
My dad is in town, so alongside a photo of me and my trophy, I’ve included a pic of his emotional response to his daughter’s big win.
#mastermindquiz
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My 6-y-o wanted a Dr. Who doll so we bought him one for Xmas. He immediately lost it. So we bought him another one. This time he lost its hand. He asked for a third one, and I was like “absolutely not”, and
this is his solution:
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My 4-year-old just did a huge poo. Then he pointed at it and said, “It looks like the letter ‘J’.” Which it did. Guess I crushed homeschool after all! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY 2021 EVERYONE.
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I assume it’s too late to do a Mother’s Day post, but if it’s not:
My 6-y-o just said, “Deep inside, I love you. But on my outside you annoy me.”
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🧁SATURDAY SPRINKLES WITH GERRI ON THE SIDE🧁
This episode of our
#Succession
pod features none other than goddess-among-humans
@j_smithcameron
🎧For the full interview (plus your usual sprinkles:)
Enjoy the mole woman, Slime Puppies!
#SuccesionHBO
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My 5-year-old just rested his head against my boobs and said, “Wow, this is refreshing”.
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Was at a kids party making summer hols chit-chat. One mom told me she "froze her labia off" in the Irish sea, before another referenced "being naughty" b/c she'd had a Snickers, & in terms of what qualifies as acceptable chat, I 100% found the Snickers comment more offensive.
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It's the joy of my profesh life to say that I'll be on
#LiveAtTheApollo
on
@BBCTwo
tonight at 10pm alongside the incredible talents of
@ardalsfolly
and
@MawaanR
. (I wore pleather trousers to celebrate/commemorate.)
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New episode with
@taskmaster
Alex Horne & Greg Davies out… now!
Link in bio, and extended version on our Patreon!
#taskmaster
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It’s a career highlight appearing on
@frankieboyle
’s New World Order! I snort with laughter, which is bad for the promo shot - swipe left - but otherwise a joy. *And* I joke about the royals & nearly shitting myself. So something for everyone, really. Episode out on iPlayer NOW!
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After one of the more tiring/rewarding months of my long life, I plan to spend Sept in the fetal position rewatching seasons 1-4 of 30 Rock.
What an
#EdFringe19
@sarabarron
has had! It’s her final *SOLD OUT* show tonight:
@ThePleasance
8.30pm
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My highlight of 2020, no question. I am thrilled to be back “gracing” those TV screens on Frankie Boyle’s New World Order!
Brand new Frankie Boyle's New World Order starts tonight, 10pm
@BBCTwo
- with our brilliant
@sarapascoe
and
@sarabarron
as guest contributors
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Keeping in mind I used IVF to have a kid - and that my now 5-year-old doesn’t know this bit of his personal backstory - I just said to him, “I made you, you know”, and he went, “a scientist had to help”.
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Had lunch with my parents today. At one point my mom & I went to the loo. We didn’t speak during proceedings, but then while washing our hands, she went, “I keep forgetting to tell you: I’ve pre-paid for my cremation!”
Thanks to AstraZeneca and Pfizer for moments like these.
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I’m ordering an M&S bra while drinking wine on a train, and I feel more British than I did when my Permanent Resident status was confirmed.
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This is my most exciting TV appearance since I was in an audience cutaway shot on The Jerry Springer Show in 1996.
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Dear every human I know:
I am nervous, thrilled & excited to do a big ol’, big gal run at Soho Theatre with my latest Edinburgh show!
Following a sold out, 5* Edinburgh Festival,
@sarabarron
will perform her stunning show, Enemies Closer, for a 2 week run
@sohotheatre
: March 9th-21st. Tickets on sale now:
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I'm friends with
@Herring1967
's wife and he's friends with my husband, and this felt like a good enough reason to take to the national airwaves to DESTROY each other. Happy Roast Battle Day, everyone!
@ComedyCentralUK
tonight at 10pm.
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My 7-year-old is getting heavily into the Muppets and this afternoon he said, “You’re not as glamorous as Miss Piggy, but you have better relationships with men”.
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Arrived to a gig. Venue manager went “Are YOU Sara Barron?” I went “Yes. I look older in person than I do in my press shots.” She went “Wow! You REALLY do!”
I know truth springs eternal from the socially incompetent, but can we quickly unite to tell tales of my enduring beauty?
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5-y-old just asked "Who's the oldest in our family?"
I said "Between you, me & dad?"
He said, "No, also including The Dying Section".
It was clear this meant his grandparents, so if any purveyors of black comedy want to hire him, DM me & from there we can discuss his fee.
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I am truly thrilled to be on Frankie Boyle’s New World Order tonight (BBC2 at 10pm.) Tune in!
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If anyone needs me, too bad:
my husband’s first love FINALLY got on Instagram, so I’m busy with my stalking duties for the next 2 to 8 hours.
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I'm not a religious woman but the same night I forgot to bring my headphones with me for a 40-min bus ride, a couple sat behind me on the bus & argued audibly about dinner plans, and I don't know what to make of that timing other than maybe, yes, Jesus is real. PRAISE HIM.
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Weird, isn't it, that the three men I just had to ask to move their bags and take their feet of the seats so I could sit down in a rammed train carriage also happen to be exempt from wearing masks!
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For the occasion of appearing on the brilliant
@richardosman
's
#HouseofGames
I dressed AND POSED like a '90s lawyer from a John Grisham novel! 6pm on
@BBCTwo
every night this week.
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I just pulled a muscle in my neck as I fastened the crotch-snaps on my bodysuit... which, of course, was a humiliating-but-effective way of nature telling me I'm now too old for bodysuits
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ME: I have an extra pair of sunglasses if you want?
GEOFF: No thanks, I’m fine.
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Is this the face of a woman who is winning? OR am I having a very public breakdown? Find out on Mastermind tonight! 7pm on BBC One.
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FIRECROTCH & NORMCORE: A SUCCESSION PODCAST is closed for business, yes.
BUT.
We’ve got something new.
“Just you guys?”
No. Jesse Armstrong makes one more appearance.
Keep an eye on the feed, listen in, tell your friends, love me forever, etc.
🎧:
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❤️LADIES LOVE LUKAS❤️
I asked if he’d do a Lukas/Ebba role-play AND he said yes AND it was not even the best thing that happened!
Today’s BoCo* is a full-length interview with Alexander Skarsgard
🎧
#Succesion
#SuccessionHBO
*bonus content!
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For me, it’s Negronis, but to each her own
losing it at this lady preaching abstinence at LSU and the students just going buck wild
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My husband has an oral herpes that comes a few times a year & it turns me "Pretty Woman" every time.
He's like, "What do you do?"
I'm like, "Everything. Except kiss on the mouth."
(By "everything" I mean, like, hoovering. Not blowies. I'm in my 40s now. I'm very tired.)
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Sometimes I forget my husband's from the north, but then we'll discuss whether someone's a social climber, and he'll use a sentence like, "I mean, it's not like he's started eating guacamole or anything".
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Absolutely THRILLED to be nominated for a British Podcast Award! And in the “Arts & Culture” section no less! I’ve never felt so fancy.
Congratulations to:
Classical Fix
Firecrotch & Normcore: a Succession Podcast
Folk on Foot
@folkonfoot
Inside the World of Ralph & Katie
@audioalways
Time & Again
@Switchback_ldn
Who Robs a Banksy?
for being nominated in the Arts & Culture category
#BritishPodcastAwards
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Yeah, okay. I see it.
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When I get embarrassed for being the only middle-class, North London mum who’s scared of open-water swimming, I remember I do standup, and then I’m fucking thrilled with myself all over again.
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As an update on my acclimatisation to British culture, I'd like to report that I just knocked in to a rubbish bin and apologised to it. (Citizenship should now be forthcoming without having to take another test.)
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Just cleaned out my desk and found an assignment I wrote, aged 12. (We'd been told to write an "About the Author" like you see on the back of a book.) Please note that my imagined husband was named "Jaque Clouseu".
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✨THE TASKMASTERS✨
I’ll be honest, a lot of it was Greg Davies circling back to the topic of his “breasts” but for balance we also discussed the show and Alex & Greg’s off-camera friendship 👨👦
In short: a very special episode of They Like to Watch!
🎧:
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🧁FINAL FRIDAY SPRINKLES, MOTHER-F*CKERS🧁
Featuring, if I may say, a fascinating convo with
#Succession
prop master, Monica Jacobs
Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who listened, wrote in, DM’ed & tweeted. What a wild podcasting ride
🎧:
#SuccessionFinale
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To the waiters who don't write orders down: I can't overstate the level of anxiety that surges thru me when you do this. PLEASE 4 THE LUV OF GOD JUST WRITE IT DOWN IF ONLY FOR ME AND MY MENTAL HEALTH THANK YOU.
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What’s the maximum number of bumper stickers you can put on a car before you start to look crazy? I’m going with zero.
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As someone who only ever wants to be adored, this was painful, but: I WILL DO ANYTHING TO BE ON TV.
I am taking on the actually lovely
@sarabarron
on
#RoastBattle
on
@ComedyCentralUK
on February 3rd. Here’s a clip of us being unnecessarily nasty to each other to whet your appetite.
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Incredible night with two lunatics.
Nottingham! That was so fun!
@sarabarron
& I had a wonderful time. Unfortunately afterwards we were accosted by a foul mouthed woman who used appalling language while we were eating
@Mowglistfood
- Sara took photos where I am hiding my discomfort.
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I’ll openly boast that I coaxed this out of Acaster. And it was the tip of the iceberg, frankly! Listen to whole ep in all the usual places.
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I’m at this resort in France. Tonight’s entertainment? Karaoke. My husband is so concerned w/us performing well that he’s checking my song choices to see how they ranked in the French Top 40. (Also: he’s about to go on himself & just said “If u document this use landscape mode”)
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✨New ep of FireCrotch, NormCore & Armstrong out NOW✨
The full-length interview we promised with our very special boy.
Also, notice the distance I’ve left b/t Jesse’s body & my own. (I wanted him to feel safe.)
🎧:
#Succesion
#SuccesionFinale
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One of the most loving things my husband does is when I’m obsessing about how to get out of a social obligation, and he goes, “You can blame me, if that’s helpful?”
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Really what I’d love is for left-handed people to understand that their left-handedness is not a good topic of convo.
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WE SNAGGED STEWY.
Also I’m putting myself forward to be the next host of Inside the Actors Studio
New ep of our
#Succession
pod FIRECROTCH & NORMCORE is out now. We’re talking to actor, activist & Waterwell Theater founder
@ArianMoayed
#SuccessionHBO
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“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” - F. Bueller
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I’m on holiday and forgot the word “lifeguard”, and referred to the gentleman as “the swim master”.
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Was just on the toilet (
#2
, thanks for asking) & I heard my husband walking toward me. To ward him off, I shouted, "I'm on the toilet! In a big girl way!" and he responded, "Got it! I can hold it!" and the intimacy AND sacrifice on display were such a lovely way to start my week!
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Absolutely thrilled to be on this debut episode tonight! Please tune in!
Do not miss the very brilliant
@sarabarron
on tonight's brand new 'Dave Gorman: Terms and Conditions Apply', 10pm
@davechannel
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Extended set! For anyone who needs some entertainment! Which is everyone, of course!
Tonight's 45-minute special
#LiveAtTheApollo
is hosted by
@ardalsfolly
, with sets from
@MawaanR
and
@sarabarron
. 🙌
10pm |
@BBCTwo
&
@BBCiPlayer
.
👉
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See that island in the distance?
I used to slut it up there HARD.
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It's amusing to me that I'll describe publicly a fart or some sex thing, and yet I feel that wearing sandals on stage is too exposing.
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RIGHT NOW. WINCHESTER STATION. PLATFORM 1.
Gang of lads arrive. All drunk. One rings his girlfriend, on speaker phone.
Him: I… (indecipherable)
Her: What?
Him: Twatted. I. AM. TWATTED.
Her: Oh. Right. Bye. (hangs up)
FIVE STARS
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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✨BIG NEWS OUT NOW✨
Check the FireCrotch & NormCore feed for what we’re up to NEXT.
Plus another chat with Jesse Armstrong. We spoke at The Orwell Fest, at an event called “Politics & Drama”. Geoff took politics. I took drama AND Jesse’s eating habits.
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If I want to someone up on Wikipedia, I have to go to their Personal Life first. I told this to a friend who said she has the same impulse but "forces" herself to learn a fact from Career, then "treats " herself to Personal Life. It's the sweetest/saddest thing I've ever heard.
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Oh, so I’ll probably walk in on my husband wanking at some point in the next three months, right?
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I’m using nice stuff that was said to remind you: we’re doing a podcast-a-day in the run-up to the
#Succession
finale
🔥 INTERVIEWS
🔥LIVE EPS
🔥SPRINKLES
🎧:
(And thanks so much to Fiona Sturges for such a lovely mention! It really made my day.)
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I’ve started saving the napkins I get in a takeaway “for later; just in case”. Like, I’ve become someone who *always* has a little wad of napkins in my purse, and I imagine that the next stop on *this* train IS DEATH. Toot toot!
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🔥MENCKEN, MOTHERF*CKERS🔥
It’s everyone’s favorite fascist!
(Justin Kirk is not a fascist)
For the full interview:
#SuccesionHBO
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🔥Give us a CHEER for mum of the YEAR🔥
New FireCrotch & NormCore out now featuring Dame - dame! - Harriet Walter
We run the gamut, convo-wise, from playing the flute to inherited trauma to how Lady C will do as a grandma
🎧
#Succession
#SuccessionHBO
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