Dave
@davechannel
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Rafah
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Davestation, a show we put on for a laugh at 3am where a man ate a kebab to lift music, had more viewers than GB News.
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┏┓
┃┃╱╲ in this
┃╱╱╲╲ house
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we
▔▏┗┛▕▔
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
stay the heck indoors
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
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The government has advised not to play Monopoly with your family this Christmas as people will get too close to each other.
We advise not to play Monopoly with your family this Christmas because this year has been hard enough without a hotel on Park Lane related punch up.
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In this week’s
#LateNightMash
@rachelparris
looks at misogyny and male violence in the uk.
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The entire team at Dave are deeply saddened to hear of the passing of Sean Lock. Sean was a staple of many of our shows for years and was always a welcome addition to any comedy line up. Our thoughts are with his friends and family. RIP Sean.
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We know we show the odd repeat but at least we are not at the 'Piers Morgan going on about Meghan again' level of repeating ourselves.
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A
#LateNightMash
exclusive as
@MrMichaelSpicer
is in The Room Next Door for Liz Truss's prime ministerial acceptance speech...
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There are two stages in life, when you watch Home Alone and think it's a fun family film, and when you get older and wonder how this family can afford a house the size of Essex.
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In this week's
#LateNightMash
,
@ShappiKhorsandi
delivers a passionate piece about the protests in Iran. Over to Shaparak Khorsandi...
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A normal year:
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December
2020:
January, February, March, March, March, March, Still March, March, March, How is it still March, March
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Remember it's not a vaccine unless it comes from the Vaccinê region of France, otherwise it's just sparkling antidote.
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.
@Channel4
, treat Alex well, he needs feeding and watering when Greg isn’t around, we’ve left some eggs in the caravan for you.
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Instagram is down. Thousands of people wander the streets with crude sketches of sunsets screaming hashtags at strangers. People carry their breakfast with them and introduce it to everyone they meet. Chaos ensues. In the distance, sirens.
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.
@ITV
We've seen that the new I'm A Celeb will take place in a UK castle. If the first challenge isn't to drive to the castle to test your eye sight then you've really missed a trick.
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"I once told the nation that I couldn't go paddle boarding that day because the sea was closed"
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It's Acaster VS Gilbert in an argument that didn't make it to air because, well, you'll probably see why.
#Taskmaster
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Red Dwarf fans solved a series of codes to unlock the first five minutes of the new Red Dwarf special, The Promised Land.
Watch the full feature length special Thursday 9th of April at 9pm, and until then, enjoy!
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We would like to throw our hat in the ring to host the
#Brexitdebate
. We can promise a constantly revolving stage, at least 3 gunge tanks and an air horn. The massive cow from Australia can host it. Done.
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WE ARE THE MOST WATCHED CHANNEL IN THE UK, BY A LOT
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The wait is nearly over.
#Taskmaster
7 starts Wednesday the 5th of September, only on Dave. Yeah it's OK to get excited.
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What really happened in that interview between
@BethRigby
and
@Keir_Starmer
?
#LateNightMash
got the inside scoop thanks to
@MrMichaelSpicer
!
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It's pretty weird that GCSE maths exams in 2030 are going to be like "Linda needs toilet roll, she is currently in 2020, she is allowed out of the house once a day, she only has two bags for life, and is supposed to only buy what she needs, how much toilet roll did Linda buy"
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Once again we must remind the British public that it is not a 'staycation' if you are going somewhere other than your own house, then it's just a holiday. Thank you for your time.
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It's the 2019
#JokeOfTheFringe
!
This year's winner is.... *drumroll please*....
@OFalafel
!
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#TASKMASTER
returns for a NEW SERIES - May 2nd - 9pm.
So, don't so much clear your diary as set fire to it and throw it out of an upstairs window.
See
@AliceLevine
,
@AsimC86
,
@RealTimVine
,
@russellhoward
, and Liza Tarbuck join
@gdavies
and
@AlexHorne
for task fuelled mayhem.
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#Taskmaster
is back
@gdavies
@AlexHorne
@Baddiel
Jo Brand
@EdGambleComedy
@WixKaty
@Rose_Matafeo
September 4th. Dave.
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BREAKING: Prime Minister to announce first 10 people to get to Barnard Castle will be exempt from Lockdown 2.
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Oh and some news... nothing major. Just that the contestants for
#Taskmaster
S7 are
@JamesAcaster
@jessicaknappet
@PhilNWang
@KerryAGodliman
and Rhod Gilbert!
*Hyperventilates with excitement*
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In her
#LateNightMash
debut
@josierones
discusses social care reform and how evil
@MrNishKumar
can be.
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How the three tier system works:
Medium: No idea
High: No idea but in orange
Very high: No idea but in red
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"I once told the entire country not to have parties and then said that I didn't know there was a party happening in my own house"
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BREAKING: Andrea Leadsom devastated to learn of Jane Austen's passing. Cancels today's photo-op with William Shakespeare as mark of respect
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BREAKING: Driving home for Christmas now banned on all UK radio stations.
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What day is it? Who cares. Is it the weekend? No and yes. Does time make sense anymore? Shut up and stay indoors.
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Taskmaster has just BLOODY WON A
@BAFTA
. We’re pretty sure this makes it the first BAFTA winner where someone has pushed a watermelon into a caravan using breadsticks.
#VirginMediaBAFTAs
#BAFTATV
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@taskmaster
@Channel4
Morning guys! We hope everything goes brilliantly with
#Taskmaster
this evening, and as tradition states, we would like you to have the Wang gif. Please use it well and often.
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The channel 4 reboot is a bit different
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Things from 2020 that can stay in the future:
- Not wearing trousers for work
- Missing a boring meeting because 'the internet was unstable'
- That bit where all the animals took over the cities for a week
- The working without trousers thing mainly
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A lot of people are asking who the new Dr Who should be. There is one correct answer. Paddington Bear. The Tardis would be filled with marmalade sandwiches. Daleks defeated through hilarious mishaps. This is the correct choice.
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Tonight we took over one of our ad breaks to announce our partnership with
@TheCALMZone
and our new campaign
#BeTheMateYoudWant
. You can watch the whole ad break takeover here.
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If Liz Truss can become Prime Minister then you can believe in yourself for a bit.
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How about a
#Taskmaster
out-take to get you through the day?
@AlexHorne
and
@PhilNWang
argue about a word, and we will let you guess why it didn't make the final cut of the show.
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@weetabix
@HeinzUK
Why should Weetabix have all the fun when there’s Dave? Pour beans all over your remote to completely ruin your TV viewing experience!
#ItHasToBeDave
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Don’t forget that the clocks change tonight, but really that doesn’t matter anymore as time is now a nonsense and nothing make sense.
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BREAKING: People who wear their mask underneath their nose to receive free fingerless oven gloves.
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Your series 9 contestants for
#Taskmaster
are
@Baddiel
,
@EdGambleComedy
, Jo Brand,
@WixKaty
and
@Rose_Matafeo
. Coming SOON.
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Rhod Gilbert hiding in the wardrobe is up for
@Timeline_TV
's TV moment of the year. So let's look at the full uncut out-take of that wonderful
#Taskmaster
moment.
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@OFalafel
@TheRstott
@themiltonjones
@LittleLostLad
@Rosssmithhaha
@Adelecliff
@RichardPulsford
@JokesWithMark
And finishing off our list for this year's
#JokeOfTheFringe
it's
@IvoGraham
!
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Comments section absolutely full of this. Lovely stuff.
Americans explaining to Brits how 30C (86F) isn’t hot while living in air conditioned detached houses made of wood.
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Kim Kardashian isn't special for spending her birthday on an island, most of us did it this year but it was called Britain and it was awful.
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VOTING FACTS:
Voting makes you smell like danger.
Voting makes dogs like you more.
Voting makes you 32% sexier.
Voting makes the ending of Game Of Thrones hurt less.
Voting makes food taste better.
Go and vote.
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Bob Mortimer's trending, which means we get to share this video of him proving why he's an undisputed national treasure.
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We aren't supposed to tweet about shows from other channels but for reasons we are rooting for Dave
#GBBO
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Just seen that 'The Donald' has cancelled his trip over here.
Unrelated note, does anyone want 400 eggs?
#TrumpVisit
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A Tory MP has claimed that a female Dr Who has resulted in more men turning to a life of crime, which is definitely something The Master pretending to be a Tory MP would say.
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Over to
@rachelparris
now with the best explanation of trickle-down economics you’ll see this week…
#LateNightMash
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After The Prime Minister's announcement tonight Dave has the perfect schedule:
7pm - Not Going Out
7.40pm - Not Going Out
8.20pm - Not Going Out
9pm - Would I Lie To You
9.40pm - Would I Lie To You
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NEWS!
@ItsBigZuu
is coming to Dave with his brand new show Big Zuu’s Big Eats! Food, comedy, Big Zuu, what more could you want? Nothing obviously.
Coming…soon!
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#QuestionTeam
starts tonight at 10pm!
@RichardAyoade
asks his guests to write their own quiz rounds, so we can finally get an answer to the question, what would happen if
@RealBobMortimer
wrote his own game show?
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An extended look at
@JamesAcaster
making hula history. If this out-take tells us anything, it’s that putting your mind to something for 8 weeks sort of pays off
#Taskmaster
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“Staying home”
- Sounds dull
- Everyone is doing it
- Not exciting
“Saving humanity from my cave”
- Sounds cool as heck
- Mysterious and intriguing
- Might get a medal
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If this clip doesn't feature in every 'best TV of the decade' list then a crime has been committed.
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2019: “you’re sat at home watching tv too much, go outside”
2020: “you’re going out too much, go home and watch TV”
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If you have a few minutes free today why not drop a mate a message. Small gestures can mean a lot to people who are going through a tough time. All it takes is a text, a chat, a tweet, something to show you're there.
#BeTheMateYoudWant
(More info here: )
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🚨NEWS! From
@Lazbotron
and
@benwillbond
comes a brand new feature length comedy just for Dave! Set six weeks after aliens have invaded Earth, We Are Not Alone explores the culture clash between humankind and our new alien masters...
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Clear your diary: the very special 2-part
#Taskmaster
Champion Of Champions commences Wednesday 13th December at 9pm!
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Lockdown 1: A new virus
Lockdown 2: The virus strikes back
Lockdown 3: Return of the virus
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Big shout out to the 3 people currently watching Dave right now… wait… ok it’s just a TV that’s been left on in an empty house in Leeds as you were.
#ENGCRO
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"I once told everyone not to have parties but then went to loads of parties and told everyone there were no parties and then got fined by the police for having parties"
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When you go outside, remember to think DAVE:
Don't touch everything
Avoid strangers
Very much no to strangers
Evade social interactions at all times
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Sometimes things happen in
#Taskmaster
that don't make it to TV. Sometimes those things are because everyone starts talking nonsense at each other. This is one of those times.
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This is heartbreaking news about one of TV's greatest Daves. We send our love and thoughts to Dave's family, Si, and everyone who was lucky enough to know him.
Hi everyone, I’m afraid I bear some sad news. Most of you will know Dave has been fighting cancer for the past couple of years. Last night, on 28th February 2024, with Lili, Dave’s wife, his family, close friend David and myself by his side, he passed away peacefully at home. All…
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Jon and Lucy have been married for 5 years. This is a series about their lives. Meet The Richardsons (
@RonJichardson
and
@LucyABeaumont
), coming soon to Dave.
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