Jeff Ross
@realjeffreyross
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My live solo show “TAKE A BANANA FOR THE RIDE” is coming to Tampa, Orlando, Hollywood, FL Atlantic City, Rockford, IL, Bristol, VA, Cincinnati, OH & Gary, IN
Joined May 2009
I met a father & son as they crossed over. They weren’t criminals. They were running from criminals. I hope they’re ok. Please share. #KeepFamilesTogether
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Roasters, Check my new #Instagram @TheRealJeffreyRoss to follow my preparation for the #BieberRoast over the next few weeks. 😩.
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Aren't we fedorable? #BieberRoast rehearsal with the man of the hour. @justinbieber. This is gonna be bananas! http://t.co/AiTPCOZ2LM.
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I dreamed about this a year ago and now it's really happening. Will you be watchin?
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BREAKING NEWS: President Trump just pardoned Kid Rock’s last three albums.
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RIP to the great Betty White. I warned her to check that coke for Fentanyl.
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Breaking News: President Trump to pardon Confederate General Robert E Lee.
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Yes — a gateway to Led Fuckin Zepplin.
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I loved his eggs. This one hurts. Breakfast will never be the same.
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This would’ve been an inspiring story in 1890.
JUST IN: NASCAR has banned the Confederate flag at all of its events and properties.
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Not feeling any jokes today. Sending love and positive energy to everyone who is sick, broke or just lonely. Stay strong please. xo.
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VIRUS BAD!.
USA STRONG!.
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If the President had actually planned Senator McCain’s funeral it would have been catered with Macdonald’s.
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If ya see me at “Cats” this weekend leave me alone I’m on shrooms.
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When you decide to take the underground to the biggest show of the tour. @TheO2 @chrisrock @michelleisawolf @anthonyjeselnik @nelsongeorge #totalblackouttour #LONDON
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I tried to look like @theweeknd but wound up looking like @pitbull if he got attacked by a pitbull.
Did your fav artists get snubbed by the #GRAMMYs this year? Well we’re here to RIGHT that WRONG 🏆 Announcing the first-ever #TheSnubbys streaming this Sunday! Join your host @realjeffreyross at 8pm ET to see which of your fav (snubbed) artists win awards:
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Let me ask you, is your life better now than it was 4 hours ago?.
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Don’t forget to call your favorite airline and make sure they’re okay.
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Fuck your brother
@realjeffreyross Do you do birthday video shoutouts? My brother is turning 40 and I want to surprise him. Let me know.
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None of this will help us find out what happened to Carol Baskin’s husband.
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Can someone from the comedy police please send me an acceptable list of topics we can joke about ?.
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What’s more baller than calling in sick to work and taking a helicopter to see your drug dealer ?.
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Lord Of The Ringos ?.
Peter Jackson to Direct Documentary About The Beatles' 'Let It Be' Recording Sessions
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Breaking News: Covid-19 just endorsed Donald Trump for President.
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When Meatloaf died Louie Anderson was like, “What’s the point of living?” I loved them both.
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Someone better clear this with Secretary of State Dennis Rodman.
Russia has appointed actor Steven Seagal as a "special representative" on US-Russian humanitarian ties
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I'd like to see Bill Cosby take the stand at his own trial, do twenty hilarious minutes of stand-up, then plead guilty and drop the mic.
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Nobody funnier than #FredWillard. And when he happened to be in an audience, nobody laughed harder. Just saw him before quarantine & already miss him. He was my biggest fan and I am his. Fred & Mary were so kind to me. Sending a big virtual hug to his family, friends and fans
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BREAKING NEWS: President Trump asks Dog The Bounty Hunter to run the FBI.
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I wish my parents had loved me enough to get me into USC.
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After 2 weeks off the grid in Europe I'm excited to be back in Hollywood for my big pitch meeting with Harvey Weinstein ! Wish me luck !.
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Would be funny to find out Trump & Pelosi have been having an affair this whole time.
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Hey I’ll tell ya.
Happy Birthday to the late Rodney Dangerfield! The king of one liners and self-deprecating humor. #ATCpresents #iconsofcomedy #rodneydangerfield
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BREAKING NEWS: President Trump lists White House on Airbnb.
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You look great Artie but those jeans are a tragedy.
Great to be home! 7 months 14 days sober but one day at a time. Lots of new stories to tell. Will announce some new tour dates on Friday. Thanks for the support. Love you all.
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Other than another mass shooting and the deaths of our greatest war hero and our greatest playwright I think it was a pretty good weekend.
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BREAKING NEWS: President Trump is selling foot pics on OnlyFans.
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Was that an earthquake or the soul of RBG busting through the stratosphere?.
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On the bright side, bad cops are finally beating up white people too.
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I wish these late night hosts would stop trying to be funny and stick to politics.
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BREAKING NEWS: President Trump reluctantly joins TikTok.
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So much fun @justinbieber show last night. What an entertainer. Now I am a #Belieber #PurposeTourLosAngeles
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Greatest Of All Time
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BREAKING: The President would’ve been discharged from the hospital even sooner but he was arguing about the bill.
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If Hillary Clinton had simply joined the cast of Real Housewives instead of becoming Secretary of State she would have won the election.
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#Beliebers! @justinbieber is so cute & sweet I've decided not to roast him. I wil only say nice things at the #BieberRoast RETWEET NOW! 🐸.
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The Zapruder film ?.
What is the worst movie with the best cast?.
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If you're stuck in Florida please evacuate. If you're stuck in New Jersey I feel your pain.
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Breaking News: The Murder Hornets just endorsed Donald Trump for President.
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Don’t mean to complain but I’m getting sick and tired of not being mentioned in any rap songs.
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BREAKING NEWS: Floyd Mayweather en route to Texas to beat up Mother Nature.
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On the bright side, everyone’s lips are finally getting back to normal size.
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Roast Malone vs Post Malone #RoastBattle ???.
Never forget that @realjeffreyross was Post Malone before Post Malone was Post Malone. #OnlyRealOnesRemember
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Too soon.
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Coincidentally, Prince Phillip’s last words were “Where my dogs at?”.
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Just because today is 420 doesn’t mean you shouldn’t drink.
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Are you allowed to bring an ATM machine onto a bus? Asking for a friend.
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I love @KingJames for speaking his mind. Someday I'd love to honor him and thank him the only way I know how. #LeBronRoast for charity.
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Dang - It turns out Harvey Weinstein is one of the few people in Hollywood who hasn't seen his dick.
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