Brooks Otterlake
@i_zzzzzz
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Montreal
Joined November 2007
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Pinned Tweet
[waving hand vaguely] Just make it go viral
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Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters
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Oh damn. I thought the ultra sweet chocolate nut spread was healthy
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Had a dream where I started selling this hat and it gradually took over my life
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Thinking about the part in Spiderman 3 where the women of New York suddenly think Peter Parker is the hottest guy around because he looks like this
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George Lucas never cared much about making backpacks look otherworldly. It was his one blindspot
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Me texting Charlie Brown after his Christmas party: “Hey just want to say your dog was really charismatic tonight”
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Me and my buddy fighting our way out of the Porsche dealership after drinking too much free Nespresso
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Murmuring "Ok slay" as someone shows me how to use a can opener
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DOCTOR: It says here you took 3 years off to "soak in tub" ?
ME: (pleasantly) Yes, due to my agonies.
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A lot of people use twitter like this
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Bernie Sanders under fire for asking his wife to buy "the fancy mustard, if they have it" in 2002
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In the ad for the Google Pixel 6 the example use of the "magic eraser" feature is removing a marriage proposal from your kickflip pic
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So it's wrong for a car to be curious?? To want to know what lies beneath the world of men?
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I really think this is one of the funniest unscripted moments ever aired on American television
A live caller tried to get me with a Cars question…it didn't go well for him
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I'm worried the English will invent siestas but call them something weird like "kippies" or "the doss"
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It's cool that Jennifer Connelly's character in Top Gun 2 runs a dive bar on a military base but also owns a high performance 40-foot sailboat and a mint condition 1973 Porsche 911. Love a mysteriously wealthy single mom with a recreational service job
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Thinking about the erotic thriller film where a young man gives Jennifer Lopez a priceless "first edition" copy of The Iliad
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Are we really supposed to believe these two characters are part of the same shared universe??
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Just had a terrible premonition of a mid-2020s movie trailer that uses a young woman's haunting minor-key cover of Old Town Road
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Been prototyping this diet lately:
1pm: 1 small orange
4pm: 1 bowl of grain based substance
9pm: 1400-calorie junk food "chaos meal"
You don't gain any weight and you're tired all the time. It's win win
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Becoming the Landlord of my own Body by refusing to fix anything wrong with it
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It's easy to think of Italy as nothing more than spaghetti, garlic bread, and parmesan cheese. But a quick look at their history reveals they invented fascism
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"HE GAVE EM CHICKEN! HE'S A MAN OF THE PEOPLE!" is one of the funnier things I've heard an announcer scream
This is funny as heck in a game the Rockets were about to win in LA, The fans were cheering when Boban missed his first free-throw, because if the opposition misses two in a row, the fans get free chicken.
So watch what Boban does. I love Boban!
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H.P. Lovecraft witnessing a horror that's fully describable
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The funniest thing any president has ever said. After four years I'm still in awe
Donald Trump, answering phone call from 7-year-old on Christmas Eve: "Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at seven it's marginal, right?"
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Just found out about Pablo Picasso. These paintings make me feel sick. That's not what stuff looks like.
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Kind of curious what COVID-19 would have to do to put a point on the board
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It's tough to read about the French far-right because you eventually see someone say "le wokisme" and you feel like you're being pranked
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I love the pain in Pete's laugh as he realizes his childhood hero is a Bernie supporter
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It's crazy that along with everything else it pulled off, the Dumb Starbucks episode also had this
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Saw a woman on the train writing weird symbols in a notebook, we got to talking, and it turned out she is a player of a secret Game that has been going on for thousands of years. Had to get off because it was my stop but it sounded interesting.
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Your honor, I just need to correct something my ex-wife said during her testimony. It wasn't a movie about the toy. It was a movie about the astronaut the toy was based on.
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Inventing a new type of girl called "Gmail girl" and it's a girl who drinks water and wears shoes and everyone hates her
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"Why didn't we die?" is an amazing question to ask on Quora
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Hey guys, I’m back… Twitter suspended me because I drank too much microwaved coffee and tweeted out the holy name of our species in the secret language of God. I’ve learned my lesson and it won’t happen again.
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We should invent a new sport for him. Something more challenging that he will actually enjoy
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Whenever I watch a mediocre TV show I can't help admiring the work ethic involved. Imagine pulling 14 hour days for weeks or months to make something that kind of sucks. Every mid show is a testament to the human spirit
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I don’t watch Love is Blind but I’ve been made to understand there’s a guy on it this season who was unfamiliar with the concept of wedding rings and was also seen microwaving Gatorade
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Staying at an Airbnb that’s very nice except it has this on the wall
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When French people experience American-style restaurant service it causes them to spiral into existential anguish
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It's weird how the people who starred in Bram Stoker's Dracula have all barely aged since 1992. Probably nothing to worry about
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[Deep South tobacco CEO voice] Now ah, this here ah, Bowsuh charactuh... enlighten me as to hhwhy Mistuh Mario's got such animus for the boy
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Calling a movie “Psycho” ruins the surprise because you know there’s going to be a psycho in it. It should have been called “Normal, Maybe”
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In the pyrite community we refer to gold as "fool's pyrite"
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I was up until 7am last night because I became obsessed with the West Queen West Hotel in Toronto, rated 2.2 out of 5 on google with 392 reviews. Here is a comparison between advertised photos of their rooms and user-submitted ones
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Every time I try to watch a movie about a janitor at MIT it turns into a bunch of bullshit about math and trauma. Just show me the janitor stuff
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Just learned that in the French-Canadian dub of this scene the policeman can't understand a word Bart is saying because of his Québécois accent
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The Zone of Interest was confusing to me. People walk out of frame and it’s like, ok, first of all, where did they go? Secondly — and I guess this is sort of a related question — where are they? Are they somewhere?
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Love this one — starts off with a classic sequence we all recognize and then just when you think you know what’s coming next it veers into free jazz. But the 4 still finds a way in. Beautifully controlled chaos.
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Life is all about finding that one special jacket, and, if circumstances allow, person
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Honey that was Amazon on the phone. Amazon the website. The president has been kidnapped and they need my help. A car is coming to pick me up and take me to the jungle. Can I borrow all your jewelry
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A lot of funny things have happened in the last few years but one of the main ones for me was when those NFT guys spent $3 million on a copy of the book of concept art for Jodorowsky’s Dune thinking this gave them the rights to make TV shows and films based on it
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Every actor should have to do an interview like this
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The Game of Thrones spinoff should have been set 800 years in the future after they've had an industrial revolution and there are dragons having dogfights with biplanes
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Did this Montreal theater go rogue and print a Denis standee??
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Oh yeah sorry babe, I had to unplug the TV. I'm 99 percent sure Homer looked at me. He saw me
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There should be a Chernobyl type miniseries about scientists at the University of Minnesota inventing the honeycrisp apple in the 1980s, an event which I think of as a sort of "Good Chernobyl"
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More film marketing needs to look like something you’d see at an industry trade show for HVAC suppliers
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Grateful to be living in the "Tetris when it's going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up" era of human history
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I don’t “need” you to tuck me in every night dude. All I said was I have a strong preference for it. Whatever, enjoy your party
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Email and Wikipedia have turned out pretty well… they probably have something in common that keeps them from getting worse like all other internet stuff but we may never know what it is
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DETECTIVE: This spiral symbol again. Do you think it means something?
ME: No
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If you choose to care about who wins the Academy Awards you should bear in mind that some of the voters apparently don't know what the categories actually mean
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ME: Not me needing to send a wire transfer
BANK TELLER: The way I'm happy to help you with that
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Watching The Guardian’s tiktok explainer video about the Taliban
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I like the children's cartoon movies that are meant to be allegories about racism except the races are actually different species with inherent behavioral traits
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Maybe if millennials spent less on brunch and more on particle physics research they could travel to 1974 and afford a house. Just a thought
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Me on my first day in the Sesame Street writers room: "The frog for example, is he someone's property? What are the rights of these creatures?"
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[sees a teen chewing gum] No need to hog the wad, boy! Mightn't I have a chew??
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Given what happened to him this comes off as more of an anti-teamwork message
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Went to see Asteroid City and there was a couple that got up and walked out as soon as Adrien Brody appeared onscreen
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Someone told me recently that he worked with Lebron James on a commercial shoot and he saw him eat six or seven large packs of sour gummy worms over the course of a day
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(putting headphones on E.T.) This is called jazz. I invented it
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I mostly stopped responding to email three years ago and aside from various consequences it's been fine
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It would have been funny if the cop experienced 22 years of subjective time inside the slide
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If you think poetry is dead then I guess you haven't read this guy's Yelp review of a Paris nightclub that wouldn't let him in
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When someone asks me what kind of stuff I've been up to lately
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I love when Scandinavian people on internet forums are like "Sorry for the bad English, I still have a considerable amount to learn about your language, again I apologize for my diction which is likely quite malformed,"
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At this point it’s honestly kind of pathetic if you still need your phone to read a QR code instead of just doing it in your head
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Scrabble games should have an extra player called "The Jackal" whose goal is to corrupt and eventually destroy language
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Yes I'm something of an "enfant terrible." That's a French baby who sucks
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As a humor aficionado I know exactly what this is referencing. Feels good to be “in on it”.
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The next Star Wars spinoff should be a West Wing type show about the people working for Jar Jar when he's a senator
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Wow congrats... you've invented a bus.
A group of caterpillars, moving in a formation known as a rolling swarm. This rolling swarm of caterpillars moves faster than any single caterpillar. 🐛
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