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@powcampsurvivor
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turns out i don’t actually have autism i’m just weird and not good at hanging out
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this app makes it really easy to tell who’s been naturally funny their whole lives and who decided to be funny in their 20’s after getting into podcasts
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my dullard roommate: hey can we use the tv for the big game?
me: Ah, “the big game,” enjoy your juvenile pursuit. not to worry, I’ll be in my study.
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local HVAC business and their secretary:
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sick of this fucking show
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i think Swifties would really appreciate the depth and complexity of one of these
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i love this stuff. like what the fuck are you talking about about
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back when journalism meant something
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this show is so fucking frustrating
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this kid is going to resent his dad for hanging out with him and buying him treats
This kid is going to grow up and resent his father for this
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remember those disney punk edits on tumblr and it would always be like ariel or aladdin but occasionally they’d throw in someone random as hell like geppetto from pinnochio
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tik tokers will be like “i just learned about bean soup theory and i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it” and bean soup theory is just something some other dumbass made up last week
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so twisted that gen z doesn’t have any defining fashion or music that isn’t just a cheap imitation of the past. in 2011 people were trying so hard to do something different so we ended up with this
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i love british street food. a whole potato topped with unmelted cheese and baked beans. and they line up for hours for it.
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white bisexual woman: this parking lot is so lynchian lol
me who doesn’t know what that means, desperately trying to hit: definitely getting that vibe too. racism must end
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me: hey we were thinking of grabbing lunch, what are you feeling?
the dark empath:
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me and my paycheck looking at that social security deduction knowing that social security won’t exist when I’m 62
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“male manipulator music” is such a funny phrase like if you’re getting manipulated by a guy who listens to weezer thats on you
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went out to drink with my girl coworkers and they were talking about how they like to be choked and slapped during sex then looked over at me to gauge my reaction and i was just reading the Ethiopia wikipedia page
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this is the consequence of an entire generation of kids getting their emo/punk/goth/whatever inspiration from that one girl from danny phantom and the scooby doo girl band
TikTok emo artists are the WORST like what the fuck are these lyrics 💀
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i’ve had this picture of Ma from MA (2019) in my bathroom for so long i’ve just completely lost sight of why i put it up in the first place
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crush: *showing me pictures of her family* look at my mom when she was 20 omg she slayed
me: *trying to use gay slang so she’ll sleep with me later* yeah she looks like a cunt
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247 years ago but it still feels like it was yesterday. Rest easy king.
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hey man i think you should die for this
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wife: he’s acting more like a dependent than a partner.
me (therapist): hm *scribbles in notebook*
husband: i’m sorry for wanting to relax when i get home
me: *nods, scribbles*
i have something id like to share with you both
*turns notebook around to show them this*
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her: i just feel so comfortable with you :) like we met in a past life or something idk i know thats silly lol
me: *head throbbing, getting flashbacks to when I was a lizard and she was a kid who cut off my tail to see if it would grow back* no definitely not silly at all
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imbecile roommate: it’s tax day man did you submit all your stuff on time
me, wise: every day is taxing when one has to listen to your drivel. *chuckles smugly* off with you now, I must return to my studies.
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me and my girlfriend play this game called “id fuck her” where i loudly comment on which women in the vicinity i would fuck. it makes her very sad.
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you can just tell this group says the most vile things about eachother in like 4 different group chats
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getting offended by these hats midway through a cartwheel
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thinking about this guy who became a supervillain on the r/streetwear subreddit for posting every day and somehow never repeating his junji ito shirts
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how i (male feminist) feel
Sheep shows gratitude to the dog who saved them from a wolf attack.
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spent all of last night obsessed with this woman who is in love with and “married” squidward
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my dolt of a roommate: hey man any plans for valentines day?
me: *looks up from my book, smirking* ah yes, “saint valentine’s day” as it were. tell me, how will you be expressing your love? through purchased goods and trinkets I presume? flowers wither, knowledge is forever
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bitch girlfriend put me on cheaper food pellets without mixing the new ones with my preferred brand and i’m really not acclimating well
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90% of highschool english classes are being taught by women who used this wallpaper in 2007
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the cretin I call “roommate”: 420!! wanna hit this?
me: ahh yes, the favorite holiday of the ne'er-do-well…and why, pray tell, would I wish to “hit” that? to intentionally dull one’s mind? I much prefer to keep my wits sharp *chuckles smugly* though I doubt you could relate
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the bread bowl was such an ingenious invention. like hey fatty you can eat the bowl too
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“i need a freaky goth gf! with big thighs!” you can have one, easily. they’re everywhere. you just need to get past the fact that she says “spoopy”
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i wish letterboxd had dms so i could threaten the lives of others
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can we please just let him have this one
Joe Biden doubles down on false claim his uncle was eaten by cannibals
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taylor swift: i’m so proud of my special man for winning his special game. i’ve been thinking…what if instead of shredded newspaper…we used wood chips in your habitat!
travis kelce: it’s so much easier to run around and play with the wood chips! and I can chew on them too!
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i’m so obsessed with this chinese influencer who goes through like a million steps just to make little treats that never look that good
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me: hey where can i get adderall?
the twins who speak in riddles:
*in unison*
Where roads wind and trailers stand,
Look not afar, the dealer’s hand
A place where homes on wheels roam free,
You’ll find your pills, we do decree.
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wife who hates me: wouldn’t it be so nice to just be quiet and enjoy each other’s company? not just saying whatever to fill the silence?
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me, desperately to fill the silence: been on my squidward shit for real
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“this happened to my buddy eric”
“i think i hauve covid”
“we’re going to kill you with hammers”
let’s all start thinking for ourselves
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this woman does not live in brooklyn, she lives in a c tier city that has a brewery that used to be a factory and a place where you can throw axes
you date her right after moving to brooklyn. she has an art degree and mild bpd. works as a barista. you go to bookstores and punk shows with her. confess your love after IPAs and some blow. then its over. you could have married her. had a life with her. but you chose darkness.
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i thought everyone was exaggerating but these guys really do exist
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there was actually a pretty famous carpenter who performed miracles
Even though a good carpenter cannot create miracles, he can do miraculous things.
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yeah
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>log onto my minimum wage customer service job
>teenager demands I make a public statement renouncing white supremacy on behalf of the company
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trying to decide which one is worse for my digital footprint
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her: what a great night :)
[roaming gang of mean twinks appears]
me: *looks down at my graphic tee, insecure* we need to cross the street
her: what?
the twink king, from a distance: is that guy really wearing a star wars shirt on a date? oh sis..
me: WE NEED TO CROSS NOW
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calling everyone i’ve hooked up with to tell them they need to get tested for the pharaoh’s curse
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you come home from a long day of work and find me like this (i’ve been transformed) wyd?
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with some contractors right now and the main guy was talking about how the wood supplier they’re meeting up with later is a trans woman and he was like “so fucking watch what you say. shes very nice. we’re using pronouns”
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i think its cool that evil advisors exist in real life in the form of the twinks your girlfriend hangs out with
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whoever did the intro animation for Grease really hated her ass
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@4everKentuckian
yeah saying “i work here” while getting arrested for trespassing at her job was lowkey problematic
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you can just say whatever on here, random things strung together. “i’m the bin laden of microdosing.” and someone will resonate with it.
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oh man, this is totally random but also extremely twisted. perfect shirt to let everyone know that i’m sorta fucked up and my humor isn’t for the faint of heart
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wow! they just released a new study on ADHD and basically everyone with it is just making it up. like it isn’t real.
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inadequate response. my followers will be hearing about this ☝️
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peter
lois
brian
stewie
meg
quagmire
chris
cleveland
just a running list of the characters i remember from “family guy”
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he rotated the same two pairs of dickies and pair of pumas every day but somehow had an endless supply of junji ito shirts and cookies snapbacks
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some of it is so sad and twisted and then some guy acts like he’s a noble and wise samurai for letting another guy fuck his wife and it becomes funny again
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“i need a gig titty goth girl” ok she’s a millennial with a septum piercing and says stuff like “every day is Halloween at my house.” she has a black cat that she calls a void baby. go get her champ
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