R. Eric Thomas
@oureric
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you won’t believe this but I have a nationally syndicated advice column, a newsletter, 4 books, and a Costco card. Find them here: https://t.co/vcyM7guWDt
Joined March 2009
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but I wrote a book of essays and it’s out today in hardcover, ebook, and audiobook.
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So now I’m hearing that the “government” is making you show an “age passport” to enter a bar or buy alcohol and a “driving passport” operate a tractor trailer? Wowwww. Smdh.
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My dumbass did not realize how much celebs are taking private planes. I’m just walking through regular normie airports like “Hm, maybe I’ll run into Anna Kendrick on this Southwest flight to Cincinnati!”.
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It’s been two weeks, can we all agree to drop the pretense that “we all” have “so much free time” now? Everyone I know is stretched to the limits of their emotional capacity and/or is dealing with an increased workload, professionally and/or domestically. What is this free time?.
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They say you have to set your clocks back on Sunday but I’m going to do my own research.
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My most basic post-pandemic plan is to spend 45 minutes walking around a Target at a leisurely pace, drinking a coffee.
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“Sorry to this man” really was one of the greatest moments in pop culture history. Every single time I watch it I cackle like it’s the first time. Keke should win a Peabody Award.
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There aren’t enough ways to say thank you to Rep. John Lewis.
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If I’m reading the Constitution correctly, I believe Megan Rapinoe had to be subbed out of the game so that she could be sworn in as president of the United States.
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Hello science? I would like to return my shot. I did not know whale-adjacent was an option and I feel cheated.
New Yorkers will be able to get their shots directly below the iconic blue whale as a new COVID-19 vaccine site comes to the American Museum of Natural History (@AMNH).
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I say this with all the affection in my heart: I LOVE that everyone in this photo is dressed for a completely different event.
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Every day is a good day to remember that THE Sheryl Lee Ralph had the most iconic wedding party of all time.
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Nobody new declared they were running for president this week. Suspicious.
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Master Class needs to start offering a course from the woman who wrote AND SOLD a whole ass novel during her lunch breaks from her FULL-TIME JOB, while caring for a newborn and a shitty spouse. Starting price $100,000.
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I really love that Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski have built very successful careers out of being Catherine O’Hara characters once every four years.
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Philadelphia is never anything less than extraordinary. They. Made. Mailbox. Costumes.
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Love to be a writer who writes one (1) sentence and then automatically rewards himself by opening up a new tab, loading Twitter, and scrolling for half an hour. THIS is how Shakespeare wrote Lear.
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In the midst of all the well-deserved tributes, let us not forget that Aretha using a video camera is one of the greatest and most versatile memes ever.
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If you ever feel like you missed your chance in life, just remember that Hocus Pocus, a Halloween movie, was released in July, no one saw it, and now 20 years later every drag queen is dressed like Bette Midler from Labor Day to Thanksgiving Eve. Your time is coming beloved 🖤.
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Whewwww. I just had the spiciest bowl of oatmeal and I assumed it was either a problem with my tastebuds (cue hypochondria) or too much nutmeg. Then I went back and looked at the nutmeg I grabbed.
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Give Sheryl Lee Ralph a Tony for her Emmy acceptance speech, please and thank you.
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LOL y'all got the damn White House posting "This you?".
Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene had $183,504 in PPP loans forgiven.
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When you just lit 2 billion people up with social justice preaching.
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He’s literally just dressed for church. Brilliant.
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Sarah Palin was just revealed as one of The Masked Singers and yes we are fully committed to dystopia.
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I would gladly watch any news channel where anchors just sat in silence until the stressful news we're all waiting for happens. Just sit there. Experience presence for once. I don't need a wall of sound telling me everything I already know.
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"Don't be afraid of Coronavirus" says man who was helicoptered to a private tax-payer funded suite at a hospital, attended to by doctors brought in from Johns Hopkins, and given experimental drugs he didn't have to pay out of pocket for.
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Truly cannot believe people are yelling at the *public library* on social media for running out of free COVID tests this morning. I get that it's frustrating, but library employees going above and beyond their jobs are not the architects of this public health crisis.
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I have an extra ticket to hear Frederick Douglass speak at the 92nd Street Y; please message me if you want it. $200. Serious inquiries only.
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National mood: Receiving a "we have to talk" text and then this for, like, 36 to 72 hours.
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Every. Single. Time she looks at the camera like this, five years get added to my life.
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I don’t feel like it’s fair that the simple fact that I don’t have kids precludes me from posting Back to School pictures, so here’s Lady Bird and Julie, of whom I am so proud!
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Bernie is your uncle who walks into your graduation dinner, hands you a check he just ripped out of his checkbook, no card, and asks the waiter where the nearest UPS Dropbox is because he needs to return something while he’s out.
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Elizabeth Warren is the only person whom I would unequivocally support if she asked to speak to the manager.
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Blasting Olivia Rodrigo and Renee Rapp like the young, fun Gen Zer I am
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Breaking: Easter Bunny able to afford glasses to correct astigmatism, thanks to continued coverage under Obamacare.
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When Whoopi adjusted her seat and said "Let me tell you about The View"--woo, I felt that in my bones. Megan, as usual, was not ready.
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Category is: “So if you care to find me, look to the western sky. ”
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I cannot stop watching this! THOSE HARMONIES ADDED YEARS TO MY LIFE. I’ve been here for @AnikaNoniRose since seeing her in Caroline, or Change and @chloexhalle impress every single time; this is a master class.
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Me being happy for Mahershala Ali while continuing to hate Green Book.
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Twitter right now has the energy of when you say bye after hanging out with a friend but then you’re both walking in the same direction for another block.
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There are so many things to love about the Elizabeth Olsen @VanityFair lie detector video but one of my favorites is that she’s dressed like Hannibal Lector as played by Annette Bening.
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Me, a non-celebrity who does not know Beyoncé at all, every time I see a celebrity post their Icy Park special delivery
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Tom Wambsgans is not hot, but Matthew Macfadyen is extremely hot. I don’t feel that this needs further elaboration, thank you.
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We need to respect the original Christian Girl Autumn icon. 🙏🏾
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Yes, I am calling for unity. U.Need to run folks their checks,.Impeach .Trump again, and.Yeet that vaccine into my arm, stat.
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Honey, I checked the LinkedIn page for Serena Williams's husband, Alex Ohanian (6-feet, 5-inches tall) and under profession it just said "A REAL ONE.".
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Gwyneth Paltrow being FOURTH BILLED in Spider-man: Homecoming" (BEFORE MARISSA TOMEI) and having no idea she was in the movie is truly the energy I'm trying to manifest every day.
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You learn that there will be moments, random and unbidden, where to save your life you must convince a stranger that you are in some amorphous way good. And at the same time you learn that it probably will not make a difference.
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The reason they keep making Jurassic Park movies is that in reality people would absolutely keep going to Jurassic Park even after decades of tragedy at Jurassic Park. Yes this is brave of me to say.
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I would watch a Nailed It-style competition show about people putting together IKEA furniture.
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I love when Daniel Levy wins Emmys he furiously rips his mask off like he’s McDreamy coming out of surgery on a sweeps week episode of Grey’s.
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I love that in Bring It On, Missy tells Torrance "I have something to show you" and then drives her 100 miles to Los Angeles. No advance notice, no backpacks, no cell phones. Just vibes. For eight hours roundtrip.
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My heart is so heavy over the murders of Oluwatoyin Salau, Dominique Rem’mie Fells, Riah Milton, Breonna Taylor and all the black women we fail by omission and commission. There is no victory without them. There is no justice without justice for them.
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Imagine being as rich as Betsy DeVos is and as evil as Betsy DeVos is and still being as boring as Betsy DeVos is.
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Every time I shop for ingredients to make curry I think that we’re out of curry powder. I am never correct.
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Still can’t believe that Biden, a gainfully employed senior in a dual-income household, bringing a Peloton he already owns to the White House makes him less of an “Everyman” according to The NY Times. Babe, what’s he supposed to do, join Planet Fitness?
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The word “amid” is really getting a workout in headlines this week.
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What an unexpectedly great day for my unproduced screenplay about a very hot black birder.
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THIS IS NOT A CHICKEN. THIS A FULL GROWN, 42-YEAR-OLD MAN IN A CHICKEN SUIT. HE HAS A 401K AND A TIME SHARE IN THE POCONOS. I REBUKE THIS.
Am I the only person wondering why this chicken is so damn big 🤔🤔🤔
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“I’m being persecuted by the woke police.” -people who aren’t even persecuted by the real police.
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The O and L keys on my laptop are malfunctioning and I have to bang on the keys really hard to make them work, so every LOL is sent with a truly frightening amount of aggression. I AM LAUGHING.
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Billy Porter showing up at the Golden Globes looking like a queer superhero is the only thing going on my vision board from now on. Marvel found dead in a DITCH!
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"Thank you for your sacrifice" suggests George Floyd had a choice in his own murder. Which he did not. Here's a challenge: recognize an unjust and broken system without turning Black people into Magical Negroes sent to save America from itself.
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Selena Gomez not only holding her own with Steve Martin and Martin Short, but reliably knocking punchlines out of the park—I’m just so proud!.
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Justin Trudeau looks absolutely damn giddy jogging through a bunch of oblivious kids going to prom.
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Husbands be like “I know a spot” and then take you to a restaurant where they forget the cheese for your fajita.
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God was with them. In church on a Sunday in a country that is pathologically resistant to addressing its gun and mental health crises.
May God be w/ the people of Sutherland Springs, Texas. The FBI & law enforcement are on the scene. I am monitoring the situation from Japan.
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At what point do newspapers and TV stations stop calling people who violently overran police barricades and stormed the halls of Congress "protesters"?.
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Twitter put on their best “daddy” hat and said “👋🏽 Enough”.
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If a brand really wants to get my respect for their rushed Juneteenth promotion, they will purchase a plantation and burn it to the ground and email me a link to the footage. I'm not asking for much.
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Somehow Quinta Brunson is also responsible for the Philly sports hot streak.
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People who should be moderating presidential debates:.-Cardi B.-Billy Eichner as Timon.-Judge Judy.-Tom Holland.-me, for a price.-a hologram of Elaine Stritch.-Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, and Megan Mullally as Leslie, Ron, and Tammy II.-Renata Klein.
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Wow, would be incredibly brave of Elaine Chao to resign from the Cabinet after serving in it for the last 3 years and 300+ days. Will be interesting to see what happens when she discovers who she's been married to since 1993.
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Deer always move like they’re trying to inconspicuously get out of the background of their spouse’s video conference call.
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Jennifer Coolidge spending the last 10 seconds of her speech saying “wait, hold on” and then dancing to “Hit the Road Jack”? Give it another Emmy.
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Literally, a gallon of milk will step in front of a speeding truck headed in your direction. A wheel of Brie will karate chop a bullet. Dairy will not rest until death has been defeated.
Dairy products, especially cheese and yogurt, were found to protect against death from any cause, according to new research.
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Billy Porter showed up as the glamorous dowager with a dangerous secret AND her suave butler with mysterious designs of his own.
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150 COVID safety managers sitting in the balcony masked while all of Broadway just raw-dogs the air.
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This sermon is so charismatic, I'm surprised the Queen hasn't pulled out her paper fan with Obama on the front.
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This feels unabashedly good. Tonight. There is work to do. There is much pushing to be done. But the relief, the acknowledgement of humanity, the pivot away from fear and hate in this moment has broken my heart wide open. Let this be the first day and let us move on from here.
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Olivia Colman underestimating her chances of winning awards and getting drunk and then winning the award is one of my favorite long-running gags.
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I always forget that Christian Bale talks like Lin-Manuel Miranda in Mary Poppins Returns.
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