I don't like talking about myself, so here are three images that describe me instead.

I have come back onto Twitter to say something hugely important: Isn't it LIKE SO WEIRD to see Mr Maisel making current references on Netflix's Too Much? Like, he should be wearing spatz and smoking a jazz cheroot? I'm sure those are all period specific references. Anyway bye.

Oh hey! I wrote about MAWAGE and GAZPACHO for @GraziaUK

Attack of Aunty Enchanty, the second book in my O.D.D Squad series, is out one month from now. It's very funny and @vbatignole has illustrated the goddamned balls off every page of it. Preorder it here please https://t.co/F9Y0sTx7eB

So we're still "formerly Twitter", are we?

Am I an empath? Well, if I'm singing along to Teenage Dirtbag, I also go "I got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby" in a high falsetto, despite being female myself. So you tell me.

I don't contribute because aside from Gozer the Gozerian, my ancient Sumerian facts are sparse.

"... And a little river I like to call the You-phrates," Pause. "That's not the correct pronunciation, I just like saying it that way." Nine-year-old, telling me about his class project on ANCIENT SUMER.

I can't be long, I need to OIL MY UNDER-DESK TREADMILL.

"I mean, I like both of you." -- my six-year-old, addressing his father and me.

“So, you got the beard. I see that you’re trying to offset the bald a little bit,” says Larry David. @stuheritage @ProfileBooks

I finally finished the Chocolate Bailey's, everyone.

I only came back here to beg @mulaney to give Richard Kind a chair #everybodysinla

Oh look, Twitter's still here.

If you haven't heard from me for a while, it's because I've discovered Chocolate Bailey's.

God imagine paying for Twitter

STOP SLUT SHAMING ME STUART

I just got my first physical copy of Rise of Invisidog, the middle grade book I made with @vbatignole. Look how pretty it is. Look how much poo is in it. Out Jan 8. Preorder here https://t.co/ApNo0cKhtb

For your consideration: Neil Patrick Harris as the next Doctor. Like, the NEXT next Doctor.

ARRESTING COMEDY NEWS

Do French's make French mustard, too? Or do French's only make American mustard? Because that's confusing.