John Mulaney
@mulaney
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Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney (aka João Mulanio). Wednesdays on Netflix worldwide. NEW TOUR: MISTER WHATEVER starts this June get tickets ⬇️
Joined September 2009
Hey guess what? I’m going on tour. John Mulaney: Mister Whatever. Get tickets tomorrow, Wednesday April 23rd at 10AM local time with the code MISTER before the general on sale this Friday. Tickets and all info at
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Did you ask him about NYPDs “Kettling” crowds of peaceful protesters into confined areas, waiting til curfew, and then arresting them and beating the shit out of them when they can’t disperse?.
Just got off the phone with @NYPDShea after seeing the troubling video of a delivery worker arrested by police while doing his job. This is NOT acceptable and must stop. Food delivery is essential work and is EXEMPTED from the curfew.
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Three things define New York City: SNL, the Strokes, and Ed Koch. Koch is dead, so they got me. I am so goddamn excited. 4th time up. Wow and wow and wow
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I’m out. I genuinely support public intellectual debate, and have paid to see people speak with whom I strongly disagree. But this isn’t James Baldwin vs William F Buckley. This is PT Barnum level horseshit. And it was announced on a weekend just before tix went on sale.
Stephen Bannon will headline The New Yorker Festival, where he will be interviewed by David Remnick, the magazine's editor
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I turned the volume all the way up but I think he says “what is John Mulaney?” Which is a good question.
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“Little Women” is outstanding. My favorite of the year. The scene on the beach with the kites? Every shot is a 19th century masterwork painting. The story is familiar & stunning. Life is limitless before life takes over. The cast gets every award.@RealChalamet damn, you good.
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we switched clothes for the second show. Red Bank, NJ. Feb 17, 2019
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“And you may ask yourself, ‘well. how did I get here?’”. I cannot believe I am lucky enough to host SNL a third time, and that David Byrne will be there too. It’s mind boggling. Way too many dreams from 1990 are coming true. Man oh Man. This is a purely happy moment.
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i just found a joke i wrote in April 2007: "I don’t know whats so unappealing about an uptight seventy five year old man trapped in the body of a 24 year old recovering drug addict and alcoholic, but I can’t seem to get past the second date. Maybe it’s my attitude.".
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Outstanding.
I signed up for twitter just to show John Mulaney this painting my son did last night. He’s 9. @mulaney
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I wrote at Saturday Night Live for 5 of the best years of my life. Tonight I hosted the show. Thanks for watching.
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At 1 AM when the night couldn’t get more perfect Julian gave me the trench coat he wore onstage. And I pretended not to cry
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This marks the first time I have attended a college basketball game.
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I’m hosting “Saturday Night Live.” Tonight. 11:30 EST. NBC. Photo by Anna Tendler Mulaney
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I apologize to Susan Morrison as I was really looking forward to our conversation. And I look forward to future @NewYorker Fests & other public, even heated, debates between different voices. But hard pass on this amateur-night sonofabitch.
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You’re tellin me if you sat next to a peacock you’d be disappointed? Sleep on it.
@mulaney I understand the concept of support animals, but seriously it’s gotten out of hand. Some people have terrible allergies to animals. and some of the “support animals” are ridiculous. No, a peacock isn’t a support animal and doesn’t belong in the cabin.
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I think I once said to you in 2001 -drunk and unsure of my personality - “this band is saving. rock and roll.”.
John hosting SNL w/ musical guest The Strokes is like a parody of a dream we would’ve had in the early 2000’s.
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Maybe the hack you saw was in your mirror, dink. You are my rock and brother in comedy and you are on thin ice, you burnout. I love you.
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From the moment Late Night with Conan O’Brien premiered this man has been my comedy hero. In retrospect I should have given him the shirt for free, but $20 is $20 and I have a business to run.
Just saw @mulaney at the Orpheum in Los Angeles and I have not laughed that hard in memory. I want to grow up to be that funny someday.
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A letter from Lorne Michaels to the people of Toronto. I am terribly sorry to move the show again. It is now rescheduled for April 10. I will be there no matter what. I love you Toronto. Also I’m afraid of Lorne so I do what he says.
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Chalamet, I joke ONLY because I am an enormous fan, in awe of your talent, & terrified of my own age and mortality. Also it turns out you are 6’0. Please accept my apology. You’re a good man and we should do the Amazin Race together if you’re free. Im free.
@crystalreedstan yes I️ watched it from the gas station.
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THE STROKES!!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!.
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I don’t know the particulars of running a theater but I think this is a poor decision. There are few reliable barometers in entertainment, but if the audience decides a show is great and tickets are in demand, leave the show alone.
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put the directions on the packet of cheese for gods sake. i already threw away the noodle box.
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Gena -our beloved stage manager - and I wait at the door that leads to the stairs that you walk down to stand and do the monologue. I am nervous, she is not.
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sprain the internet.
John Mulaney is "Spider-Ham" in this bonkers Into The Spider-Verse trailer
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It’s been the pleasure of my life to work with the cast, writers, designers, artists, artisans, carpenters, puppeteers, directors, make-up artists, hair stylists, ventilators, stage managers, and producers of “Saturday Night Live.” Thanks to all of them .PICS Mary Ellen Matthews
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We are thrilled to announce. JOHN MULANEY & THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH A Musical Children’s Special From a Man with Neither Children Nor Musical Ability. @netflixisajoke Dec 24. Starring me & 15 brilliant young performers. And guesting @davidbyrneofficial @jakegyllenhaal from Zodiac-
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“THIS is CBS baby” - Gil Faizon.
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Wait! But on the Monday when Jon Hamm first hosted in October 2008 all of us went to the pitch meeting dressed as Mad Men characters. Then “as part of the joke” everyone started day drinking. Jon Hamm, new to the show, walked in to be greeted by drunk Comic-Con. It was the best
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One of my favorite people ever, @aliwong a goddamn world class, museum quality comedian has written a very VERY funny book #DearGirls. Petunia cannot read and therefore is starin’ right into the lens. Congratulations Ali!
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Rick Ludwin died. He was the head of NBC’s Late Night division for many years. He was kind and thoughtful in an arena where that can be rare. From the day I began at SNL he would email me any time he liked a sketch I had worked on. He loved television. LOVED it.
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this photo was taken for an SNL sketch that I don’t recall but it’s very possible I was used as a stand in to have someone else photoshopped over me. 2009-2011?
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MISTER WHATEVER tour pre-sale starts tomorrow. code: MISTER. Tickets at
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That’s kind.
john mulaney to me is what conan o’brien is to john mulaney.
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For your consideration Emmy Voters. Its not about my ego. but. think of the children.
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Everyone from Lorne Michaels to @sethmeyers to Emma Stone to the entire crew: everyone looks annoyed with me in this photo. November 2011. Hosting this week.
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I am opening for the incredible @sharonvanetten tonight at The Beacon in New York City. I am very excited! Unrelated here is my passport photo from 1996
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My name’s on the poster but this would not exist without Marika Sawyer, who Ive written with since SNL 2008. Her genius comedy brain & her love of the Nutshell Library made this happen. She’s not on social media she‘ll never see this, and vetoed any photo of her. She’s the best
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"He is afraid. He is alone. He is three million light years from home." - E.T. (In all seriousness, that sums it up like no words ever have before.).
Forget astrology. The tagline of the #1 movie at the box office the day you were born, that determines your fate from now on.
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I don’t love knowing that but thank you for showing it to him.
@mulaney i made my dad watch sack lunch bunch today and he said it was “excruciating” 😔😔.
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Okay so my Nana had a boyfriend. He was not named Paul. Also we did not live all in one house as this appears. My mom DOES have two sisters. They did NOT (sigh) dress like this in the 1990s. This was a major note given to me by the family. .
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Hello! #TheKingofStatenIsland is out ON DEMAND today! I want you to know this movie is GREAT. Pete Davidson is outstanding in it. Here I am directing the movie (or it was a day I showed up and demanded headphones) photo by Anna Mulaney
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@jpodhoretz SNL meeeting after dress rehearsal. McCain was on (a week before 2008 election) Sudeikis said “Where the fuck do I stand” during notes on a sketch then apologized for swearing when he realized McCain was behind him. McCain immediately: “Jesus Christ, I was in the Navy.”.
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Justice NOW for Breonna Taylor. Sign the petition. Do the right thing.
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Simon Rich and Marika Sawyer and I wrote together every week for four years. In 2009 we wrote “Toilet Death Ejector.” It was cut twice. Here’s us in 2019 (with a chimp puppet) We wrote Whats That Name and brought it back tonight too. They’re the greatest friends and writers ever.
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This was an honor @melissavcomedy and when I was a kid I did ask all the wrong questions at funerals.
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I support and donate to organizations that fight racial injustice. Please do the same. And register to VOTE . CAMPAIGN ZERO. NAACP LEGAL FUND .
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Easy buddy! I took a NOISES OFF and left the rest alone.
Hey @mulaney. did. did you take my Aint Misbehaving playbill?.#ItCANgetweirder.
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Happy 90th Birthday Stephen Sondheim! Allow me to be the FIRST to say, you are the best composer, lyricist and dramatist ever. (I demanded this photo with him and the wonderful Hal Prince.)
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Thanks to those who got tickets to my FYC event with @jonstewart on May 6. I am canceling our discussion however. I’m a writer first and foremost. I stand with my Guild - the @WGAWest and @WGAEast during this strike. A great deal of money is made off of their work and they.
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We do not deny these allegations. We are doing a reading of My Dinner with Andre and we would appreciate our privacy at this time.
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BAD NEWS WILKES BARRE, PA. Due to the weather State of Emergency in PA, we & the Kirby Center, have decided to postpone the show tomorrow. We’re truly sorry. New date March 16. All tix will be honored. Please be safe and see you soon. Love, John and Pete
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Auditions in 2008 were on August 7. In his Comeback Kid in Town special he is told he’ll die August 7 2037. Obvi saying August 7 is associated with death means its not a date that has happy memories like a new job. Also Lorne said on Tom Segura that Mulaney didnt write there.
No need to apologize! The “John Mulaney wrote for SNL” bit is definitely a weird bit, but I think it’s pretty cool how everyone manages to keep it going despite all the proof that it’s not true.
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Hal .I love you. I liked you in my life so much. When I got horrible reviews you sent me a full email of Lou Reed quotes on how to view critics. It meant so much to me. You changed my way of thinking on how to make stuff. You made what you wanted w/ the people you loved. Bye Hal
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i mean @realDonaldTrump if you're so good at negotiating how come you couldn't get @DonaldTrump.
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Your mom is well intentioned but completely wrong. And congratulations on graduating! (That part is sincere)
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Thank you Darren Goldman for finding this lost children’s classic deep in the library/creating it from thin air. Darren is the artist behind Petunia’s Last Supper and he makes DaVinci look like a hack.
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“Music here, music there. Music, music everywhere!” .I couldn’t be happier about this news. Congrats to the Bunch, @elibolin @RhysThom2 and Marika Sawyer.
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He’s always trending in my heart.
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The monologue is a close-up of the tie for fourteen minutes.
We didn’t like your tie. Are you planning on wearing it Saturday?.
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