Nils Gramckau
@nilsgramckau
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I help dads improve their health so that they don’t miss their kids’ childhood | German engineer | Men’s health coach
Joined June 2013
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6 psychologically damaging things parents say to their kids:
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Most people suck at staying calm when kids throw a tantrum.
But that's only because the wrong communication is used.
Instead, here're 10 phrases to calm an angry child (bookmark this):
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Jesper Juul is one of the most successful family therapists of the last decades.
Selling 1,000,000+ copies of his books.
His approach?
He credits the role of children and how you should treat them.
Here're 10 of his most influential ideas that make you a better parent:
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Push ups are free.
Pull ups are free.
Sit ups are free.
Walking is free.
Runs are free.
Affording to exercise isn't the problem.
Finding excuses is.
Your psychology is playing tricks on you.
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"The food you eat can either be the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison."
- Ann Wigmore
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7 years ago I didn't know anything about parenting.
I've learnt a lot being a dad, but even more about myself.
Here're the 7 most important lessons that fatherhood taught me:
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The secret to successful parenting:
Start early.
But most parents neglect the early years.
Here are 5 proven factors that guarantee strong results in your child's development:
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10 steps to a happy child:
1. Listen when they talk.
2. Let them express their feelings & validate them.
3. Point out their strengths with compliments.
4. Encourage their friendship with other great kids.
5. Teach them to pay attention to others' feelings.
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If you want to get more from your children try to replace "How was your day?" with these 12 questions:
1. Why was today a good day?
2. What did you do that was creative?
3. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
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A powerful habit that changed my health:
Eating more fiber.
I stay full for hours on end and say goodbye to any bathroom woes.
Here're 6 high-fiber foods that'll keep you feeling great:
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200 days ago I got invited to challenge myself with 100 push-ups daily.
I never skipped a day.
But the best part?
My action transferred to my kids, so everyone is doing push-ups now.
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7 parenting mistakes to avoid to become the best father out there:
🧵
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@tyromper
This is a crucial lesson I got taught early on.
If you can't buy it, you can't afford it.
I know too many people who got in debt because of a car way too early.
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@SaveYourSons
Every question triggers a different thought process.
If you want clearer results, be more specific with the question. But this doesn‘t lead to imagination.
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Toddlers don't understand the word "Not".
❌ Don't throw.
✅ Hold tight.
❌ Don't take this.
✅ This remains standing.
❌ Don't be afraid.
✅ I'm with you, you are safe.
Positive language helps comprehension.
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5 things you won't regret doing:
1. Taking care of your health.
2. Investing in your education.
3. Stop speaking badly about others.
4. Spending time with your loved ones.
5. Not caring about what others think of you.
Life can be simple - you usually make it hard yourself.
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If the food didn't exist when your ancestors lived, do not eat it.
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If you want to get more tired, stay on the couch.
If you want to get more energy, get off the couch.
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One of my worst traits was to REACT when my kids did something stupid.
Yesterday, my little son fell from a jungly gym and broke his wrist.
Emotions are all over the place.
Trust me:
Nothing is more powerful than to pause, breathe and connect with your child.
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Yesterday I came home from work and my son called out right from the backyard, "Dad, can we kick."
My thought briefly went to fob him off.
I wanted to arrive in peace.
But I can't deny him fun & exercise.
So I said, "sure, tie your shoes tightly."
Seize every moment.
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@FoundationDads
Redundancy creates relevance.
They're never tired of hearing your positive words.
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The paradox of movement:
The more you move, the less tired you are.
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Are you interested in doing something that benefits your kids long-term?
Be fit.
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Your goal should always be to parent proactively.
If you see your child's behavior trending in a direction you don't like, HALT before responding to your child.
H - Hungry?
A - Angry?
L - Lonely?
T - Tired?
Maybe you can help before your child runs into a storm.
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Whenever I'm in places with parents and their kids, I hear phrases like
"if you don't come here now, you won't be allowed to watch TV later."
Don't reward or punish your children's behavior to get them to comply.
Connect with them and redirect their attention.
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Processed food isn't the problem.
The problem is you don't care about yourself.
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Your goal should always be to parent proactively.
If you see your child's behavior trending in a direction you don't like, HALT before responding to your child.
H - Hungry?
A - Angry?
L - Lonely?
T - Tired?
Often works for you, too.
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Weak dads use their kids as an excuse.
Strong dads use their kids as a reason.
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@tobi_emonts
Great points here.
Keeping score is the worst. That is toxic for the relationship.
A good advice has always been don't rely on the other person to make you happy.
Feel committed to take care of that.
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Unpopular opinion:
Just because you're skinny doesn't mean you're healthy.
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Don't treat your body as if you can replace it any time.
There are no spare parts.
Focus on your health.
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@SaveYourSons
Society is supposed to approve strong fathers, strong mothers and strong families, instead of getting used to patch work and divorces.
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2. Complete from birth
Children come into this world complete, with all the qualities they need.
Your role as an adult is to nurture and guide, not to mold.
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2 great habits to incorporate:
1. Go for a walk after dinner.
2. Drink water first thing in the morning.
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@DadTransformer
They tell you that low-fat is bad, but don't tell you that to compensate fat they put in more sugar.
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150 days ago, I started doing 100 push-ups daily.
I never missed a day.
It doesn't replace workouts and is questionable according to training theory, but it sure as hell appeals to my discipline.
And my triceps think it's pretty good, too.
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Stuff that is inexpensive but has enormous benefit:
▪️Sleep
▪️Nature
▪️Exercise
▪️Kindness
▪️Friendship
▪️Vegetables
What would you add?
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You do not determine into which family you will be born.
You do determine the family you create.
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One my favorite things about parenting is when your kid asks a deeply personal question and you struggle to come up with a sensible answer right away...
. . . and then your kid walks away in the middle of your answer.
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1. Reacting, not ruling
Parenting isn't about rules, it's about reactions.
How you respond when rules are broken defines your quality as a parent.
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1,000 teammates.
This account exists to show you that it depends on you to be full of energy through life - for yourself and your family.
Health > convenience
Let's learn together.
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@SaveYourSons
I went with trains and aircrafts.
And I can confirm - both my sons are full mode in dinosaurs and diggers.
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Health isn't just about what you consume or do.
It's also about your thoughts, words and feelings.
Look after yourself.
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Teach your children to be an empathetic friend because some children do not experience so much love at home.
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4. Balance begins at home
Healthy parenting starts with a strong relationship with your wife.
When you neglect your own needs, you can't fully meet your children's.
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If you want to bring change for yourself, remember:
🔹 Starting is easy.
🔹 Execution is hard.
🔹 Consistency is harder.
Take the first step and don't stop.
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If you're lazy, it makes you even more tired.
If you exercise, you'll have more energy.
Isn't that ironic?
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No amount of steps is going to help you reduce weight if you can't control what foods going into your system.
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Think of movement as an investment in your long-term mental health.
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@Mindset_Machine
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him."
- Johann W. v. Goethe
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Average men leave their children debt.
Better men leave their children money.
Great men leave their children character.
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Every day you excrete 2-3 liters of water.
Your body is dependent on water.
Here are 5 reasons why you should drink water right after waking up.
1. The metabolism gets going.
Water right after you get up works like a boost to your metabolism.
Your body has to heat the water
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7. Pressure leads to resistance
Pressure leads to resistance, not cooperation.
Aim for collaboration, not control, in your relationship with your children.
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Why do people try to outwork their human biology?
Sleep for 8 hrs, not 6.
Exercise for 1 hrs, not 4.
Deep work for 4 hrs, not 10.
You're not a machine.
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When kids are stressed, they feel differently on the inside than what they express on the outside.
Overwhelm 👉 mean words
Lonliness 👉 clinginess
Pressure 👉 aggression
Anxiety 👉 whining
Unrest 👉 misbehavior
Anger 👉 tantrum
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@ReevesTheGhost
I used to think that was possible, but then it happened to me.
She fell in love, I got attracted and it almost went in the wrong direction.
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@SaveYourSons
Passing values and the tradition of a family to the next generation is a life goal for me.
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It's good for your mental health not to have an opinion on everything.
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Millions of men have children.
Significantly fewer children have fathers.
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Positive language alternatives to tame your child's tantrum.
❌ Calm down.
✅ How can I help you?
❌ Stop crying.
✅ I can see this is hard for you.
❌ Be quiet.
✅ Can you use a softer voice?
❌ Stop yelling.
✅ Take a deep breath, then tell me what happened.
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Unlock your child's potential.
Give your kids the brain boost they deserve.
Here're 7 foods that fuel growing minds:
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Kids eat in color.
How to talk about food.
🍎:
❌ Apples are good for you.
✅ Red food gives you a strong heart.
🥕:
❌ Carrots will turn you into a bunny.
✅ Orange food helps you see in the dark.
🥬:
❌ Salad is healthy.
✅ Green food helps you fight off sickness.
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Eat more foods with bitter substances to curb your cravings.
Bitter substances connect to the intestine cells, produce a hormone that sends a feeling of satiety to your brain.
Examples:
- olives
- ginger
- cabbage
- green tea
- citrus fruits
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The more self-respect you have, the more external respect you get.
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Do you look for a present for your kids?
Be a fit parent!
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3. Genuine understanding
Are you really listening to your children, or just imposing your expectations on them?
Prioritize understanding over dictating.
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Sleep isn't just a break from the day.
It's a powerhouse for your child's growth, development, and well-being.
Here're 7 tips to make your children sleep like a baby:
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Nature offers you great anti-depressants.
🔹 Sun
🔹 Sex
🔹 Forests
🔹 Oceans
🔹 Exercise
🔹 Meditation
🔹 Natural food
What would you add?
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Losing weight isn't about exercise.
It's about what you put into your system.
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Things kids don't need:
- Tablets
- Brand clothing
- Mountain of toys
- Behavior rewards
- Permanent program
Things kids do need:
- Parents who encourage and have their kid's back
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5. Reciprocal relationships
Parent-child relationships are reciprocal.
It's not just about what you give, but also what you receive from your children.
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Desk jobs.
Social media.
Processed foods.
Binge watching Netflix.
The biggest threat to your health is modern living.
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You become energized when you ban the food industry from your kitchen and invite real food.
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@SaveYourSons
As a German citizen I can tell that the headline is not entirely true.
It’s true that there was a „body exploration room“ proposed by the Kindergarten, but had nothing to do with masturbation.
Nevertheless the youth welfare office immediately stopped the project.
All parents
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Being a busy dad isn't the problem.
The problem is using it as an excuse.
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Jesper Juul revolutionized the parent-child relationship.
He coined the beliefs that parents are role models & children are full human beings who don’t need to be molded.
You should treat your children with the same respect as "you would show an adult."
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Your energy level is largely determined by food and sleep.
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Writing is like a workout for your brain.
You think, you reflect & you challenge yourself.
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8. Stay true, respect individuality
Stay true to yourself while respecting your children's individuality.
It's about being faithful to your relationship, not molding them into mini versions of you.
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9. Foster connection, not control
Rewarding your children isn't about control - it's about connection.
You want to foster closeness, not hierarchy.
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Fit Food Friday
Zinc is vital for the body and cannot be formed by the body itself.
It helps with
🔹 cell growth
🔹 wound healing
🔹 metabolic processes
🔹 supporting immune system
Your body has no storage for zinc. Eat it daily.
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6. Avoid excess screen time.
7. Let them have some relaxed play time every day.
8. Eat dinner as a family.
9. Let your happiness show.
10. Tell them you love them - EVERY DAY!
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Don't complain about getting to exercise.
Be grateful for being capable.
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Teach your kids how to cook.
You'll never regret a meal prepared by your own hand.
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