Nikhil Jois
@nikhiljoisr
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I write about my journey towards becoming a happier, healthier, wealthier, and wiser version of myself. Looking for kind and talented teammates: @bureauidentity
Bengaluru South, India
Joined June 2010
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어린이날
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Pinned Tweet
Meet Bureau - Please reach out if you:
1. Want to join our team
2. Want to use our product suite at your company
3. Want me to pass on compliments to my super talented colleague who helped bring this video to life.
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Tried out Ola Prime Plus today.
1. Clean car
2. Driver came on time and didn’t keep calling
3. AC was switched on already ( yes yes I had the same reaction 🤯)
I was his 3rd customer all week and he’s paid 3000 rupees per day to stay logged in for 12 hours. No option to…
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Why the fuck do all these rich-ass people have wired earphones and not AirPods?
#IPLAuction
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If you want to be useful at an early stage startup, be one of the two (if not both):
1. Tech person
2. Deck person
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Noob fraudster chose the wrong fucker to mess with. If only they knew what I do for a living 😂
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This city is absolutely nuts. A no code tool/platform on the front page.
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I said “ Cheetah bhi peeta hai” and 5 of my teammates looked at me blankly.
Guys, are we old ?
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Chennai Twitter, I need your help.
My Dad’s suffering from late stage liver cirrhosis and transplant is the only option.
My brother is donating a portion of his liver. The surgery’s on Monday (29/04) in Chennai. Need blood donors ( O+ve or B+ve preferred)
Please RT or DM.
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Some day soon, CRED will release an ad featuring Baba Sehgal. The Internet will break.
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The more often I travel to Mumbai, the more I’m convinced that Bangalore Traffic merely has a branding and perception issue.
In reality,Mumbai traffic is way scarier.
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The core issue with Bangalore is the disparity in both income as well as employment levels - perceived as it may be.
The utterly stupid hooligans who have gone around and destroyed boards of businesses have no jobs and as a city we have always been let down by the lack of…
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My dad just told some pal of his that I work in Fintech! Not “startup” but “Fintech”
We mainstream now.
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I’m not personally invested in or close to the founders of TMC, Ken, or Captable -like publications… but it pisses me off to no end when people from the tech industry ask for a PDF version of a story. We make more money per day than most families make in a month. Fucking buy it.
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Personal finance tips post
#AppleEvent
1. Spend money on 0 to 1 purchases but think very hard about upgrades. Going from no iPad to an iPad is defensible but buying the latest one within 2 years is overkill. Don’t spend money to impress others. No one cares. You do you.
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Got engaged to the only person in these pictures who doesn’t have a twitter account. Probably explains why she agreed to marry me. Thrilled to have been able to share the day with family.
( Her name is Nandita - I have a copy paste message if you’re more curious and text or DM)
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Kannada announcement on tonight’s SIA flight to BLR.
I wish Indian airlines too learned to make sure announcements in our languages are included.
Takes very little effort. Makes a huge difference.
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NFT Hackathon ads on the front page of Times of India in Bangalore.
It’s a brave new world.
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So hard to support this team. So fucking hard. Fellow RCB fan, please go and join or start early-stage companies. This is what startups feel like. If you can survive being an RCB fan, you can survive startups.
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How did the homies at that Web3 event in Dubai greet each other?
ETH Mubarak.
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Some day, science will figure out time travel.
Until then, we have art.
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Less than 3 decades ago, someone with your level of intellect, status, wealth, and curiosity levels had negligible access to knowledge and opportunities compared to what you have today.
Do not waste the privilege of being able to read, comprehend, compete, and breathe today.
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I have to work with this guy and deal with this IRL. Life really is unfair.
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The masculine urge to look for and fund startups that make gifting decisions easier.
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Asked Swiggy executive to write my name on the package. He delivered.
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Stop sending me
@DanishSait
‘s latest reel. Yes - we speak like that. What will you do? Tell off. If you have problem means come meet me near Banashankari BDA complex and put call.
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Friends, if Kannadigas like yours truly respond to your “Happy Diwali “ wishes with a “ Happy Deepavali” - please know that we mean no disrespect.
Different languages, same festival. We are just being mindful because we grew up learning a different meaning of the word.
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Just got a survey call from the Department of Health, Government of Karnataka checking on my health status and requesting me to self-quarantine since I traveled to Bangalore from the US less than 14 days ago.
So glad to see steps being taken.
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In 2014, I got drunk & made a pal call his crush in the middle of the night. Braving traffic to attend the engagement now. Don't drink, kids
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To all the friends and well-wishers who have asked us about what we’ve been up to… thank you for your patience, support, and nudges.
We’re finally out of “stealth” and this is truly day 1 at
@bureauidentity
I love this team and our mission so much that I am lost for words.
Excited to announce that
@bureauidentity
is now out of stealth, and has raised a $12M Series A led by
@QuonaCapital
. Thanks to everyone who has joined us on this journey to fight fraud, protect & accelerate mobile transactions - Details in
@EconomicTimes
: :
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The fact that almost all of us were watching a Women’s Hockey Match instead of a Cricket Match is proof of the awesomeness of these women and the fact that they deserve all the accolades in the world.
What a squad 🇮🇳❤️🙏🏽
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Mad respect for my accountant friend who has refrained from yelling at me for sending IT returns details on Dec 29th - just 6 months after his first reminder across multiple communication channels. True stoic.
(If you’re reading this, I love you Kou)
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Did too many of you take those “move to Bangalore” tweets seriously ? Why is there so much traffic on a Saturday? All. Over. The. City!
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✨Timely tip for those who are embarking upon inculcating new systems or hitting ambitious goals this year :
People will ask you to “take it easy” or “live life a little”
Fuck ‘em. They don’t know that you’re incapable of moderation. They mean well, but you do you.
Be epic.
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Expectation: Now that I’ve managed to convince a beautiful woman to marry me, I never have to worry about what I wear or how I dress ever again.
Reality : Outfits are picked and packed by her with more care. I’m never allowed to wear shorts to office or t-shirts to events.
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It’s been a few years since I’ve experienced such rains in Bangalore. I’m guessing some records are being broken tonight. This is absolutely bonkers.
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Rameshwaram Cafe was the practise session.
Bengaluru, we are overwhelmed by your response❣️ Current wait time at Nagasandra store is 3 hours. Please plan accordingly or shop online. For latest wait time updates, visit:
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Friends, where can I find the best Pita Bread or Chips in Bangalore?
I have bought too much of the Dip.
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British Bruhat Mahanagara Palike
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Akki Rotti with Palak Paneer.
Is this peak ‘Unity in Diversity’ or what?
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We could all use a few laughs and some positivity. So, I wanted to share some videos that demonstrate what I would legit call
#bestfriendgoals
featuring
@tomsegura
and
@bertkreischer
. I know there are a million details I’m not mentioning and a few videos I’m skipping. Here goes:
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Working on Fintech basically means making sure your family has all possible bank accounts for you to test random onboarding flows and features. Irrespective of whether aforementioned family has money or the need to have more accounts.
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VC friends in Bangalore - one of my favourite founders is building a SuperApp on the spirituality and wellness space. He’s in town next week - hit me up for intros if you do early stage deals. I have access to numbers and they’re on fire right now. 🤑
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My brother (
@bondijois
)& I can’t (won’t ) step out of home and are getting slightly bored this weekend.
We have one major passion/skill set in common: Startups.
Challenging ourselves to build one from scratch ( No idea what) in the next 24 hours. Wish us luck 🙏🏽
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Don’t get excited, folks … but it’s drizzling in Nandi Hills. 🥺
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Hotstar died when there are 2 laps left in the race ! What the hell!
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My 64-year-old dad has figured out that e-commerce companies fear cart abandonment and delays checkout to get a call or message offering him a discount.
Never underestimate your customers.
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Bangalore startups mixers and dinners now have ‘fresh lime soda with salt’ as the most popular beverage order.
Thank you, Andrew Huberman.
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Don’t let any asshole make you feel bad for wanting to be:
1. Healthy (Fit and/or good-looking)
2. Wealthy (Rich and/or materialistic)
3. Wise (Curious and/or knowledgeable)
You do you. They are worthy goals even if they seem vain or superficial to others.
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Superb video by
@tferriss
summarising concepts on career and skill set design that I’ve picked up from him and
@ScottAdamsSays
Pick paths that make you a specialised generalist that provide:
1. High quality relationships
2. Marketable skills
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Just realised I’ve waited 17 years ( half my life so far ) for this win. Good lord.
Sports fandom is hard.
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RCB has gotta be the only team that can get fans to get this stressed even when they aren’t playing.
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Am I saddened about Charles losing out on the podium and a potential win ? ✅
But
Zhou and Albon walking away safe 🙏🏽
Carlos’s first win ❤️
Lewis on podium at home race 🙏🏽
Mick’s first F1 points 🥺
Russel being the good guy 😭
Best race of the season so far. What a
#BritishGP
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If you care about the plight of delivery folks:
1. Tip generously. Direct cash/UPI if you don’t trust the platforms.
2. Offer them juice, buttermilk, cookies or other packaged food (safety reasons)
3. Give 5 star ratings and thank them.
Hot takes don’t help as much as ⬆️
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My father has a complex surgery that involves him and his other son in less than 50 hours and the first thing he says upon seeing me this morning is “ When are you planning to shave your beard?”
When will dads change? smh
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Luck is a muscle. If you don’t exert it often enough and subject it to progressive overload, it won’t be there for you when you need it the most.
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The god-like feeling one got by solving one of these problems and getting them right on the first attempt is inimitable.
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The Olympics makes me feel bad about some of my talented friends from school days. They were so good at sports and yet were judged on the basis of their marks - forced to give up on talents to compete with nerds like us. Wrong game altogether.
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My not-at-all secret team at Bureau is looking for a Senior Product Manager.
If you embody all the traits I’m looking for but are happy where you are, please continue but say hi in replies or DMs. I want friends also and not just colleagues.
5 star >5 traits but here we go:
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Mega impressed with how
@BBMPSouthZone
has been dealing with COVID.
In the 3 days since I tested positive, I have gotten :
3 automated IVR calls quizzing me about symptoms
7 calls from BBMP employees asking me if I need help + contact tracing.
1 doctor visit + meds at 🏡
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Happy to report that Bangalore Weather Tweets are back on the menu
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In a liquid market that is greedy for talent, culture is the only moat that matters.
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A tweet wouldn’t suffice, so I spent half a day with
@MotwaniSuhas
yesterday and got the 7 people in Koramangala who hadn’t yet congratulated him to do so in person yesterday. Congrats to all of us.
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My biggest takeaway from today's e-lafda: everyone loves fighting fraud.
If you want to do it for a living, come join us :
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I am thrilled to let all of you know that Sarojamma has now had both doses of vaccination. Congrats to all involved.
What fresh hell is this
( I don’t know who Sarojamma is and I didn’t ask for an OTP)
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You are one introduction away from a radically different life.
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There are many lottery tickets a few of us win at birth. One of the many I am grateful for is being born in this amazing state. Jai Karnataka. Truly one state, many worlds.
#KannadaRajyothsava
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I practise stoicism by wearing my RCB jersey in public irrespective of how the team is doing.
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Side project idea : Indian Wedding Hashtag generator.
Input : Name of Bride and Groom ( or any other combination)
Output : Hashtags with cringe level indicator that checks for duplication across social platforms.
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The conductor tells me there are only 7 trams left in Kolkata.
Fascinating that they have WiFi connectivity! Although there’s some room for improvement in the security department.
7 rupees from Esplanade to Gariahat. This city is a vibe!
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Oh my god!
HYPE!
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Be so good that they ask themselves what they did to deserve you.
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I envy people who can do things in moderation. I have no such luxury. It’s either going to be a full-blown obsession or zero fucks. Nothing in between.
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Hi folks - If your org is trying to save costs and you’re looking to save on any identity verification/KYC or any authentication ( including SMS OTP ) costs - do reach out to me.
We’ve able to cut costs by up to 30% for a bunch of fintechs and consumer-facing companies.
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Hot take : Hockey needs IPL-isation.
Some rich body needs to learn from the mistakes of Hockey India League and the successes of IPL to create a way to make these men and women celebrities who are wealthy.
More importantly - larger talent pool gets exposure and coaching.
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@SparklinGuy
@naval
@JamesClear
A book that exhibits sufficient Lindy effect. Typically classics etc that have survived and remained relevant for ages. An example would be : Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Has survived and remained relevant for 2000 years, chances are it will remain so for 2000 more.
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The importance we give to 10th Board results is the enemy of art and sports in India.
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It takes a mental and emotional toll to support this team year after year. So hard. It must be so hard to be Virat tonight. Mumbai deserve to be in the playoffs. I hope they knock LSG out.
Ugh.
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3. Personal finance is more personal than finance. Your scenario and needs are unique - we all have different starting points, needs, and definitions of requirements and luxuries. You do you. Just don’t do anything that will make you lose sleep. It’s not worth it.
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Our US HQ is in San Francisco. Technically, our India HQ is in Mumbai. I actually don’t think
@ranjanready
had visited Bangalore more than a handful of times before starting Bureau - and yet by some stroke of luck, if you ask anyone at
@bureauidentity
- they’ll say we’re a…
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