Murray Valeriano
@murrayv
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writer. comedian. surfer.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined July 2009
Even with all the crap and division and the hate going on in this world right now, I still had hope for humanity. Then today I saw this MF’er put mayonnaise on his hot dog and realized we have no chance.
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Guys! I had a blast talking Lou Reed 80's albums with my good friend Pat Francis of the @RockSolidShow! Put some fun in your ears.
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Hey Christians, keep telling yourself that it's "satan's temptation" that's driving people from the church and not your hypocritical bullshit.
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Just a reminder, only 3 more weeks until I set the clock in my car back an hour. #DaylightSavingTime.
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Last time I was in Connecticut I downloaded Grinder and ended up fucking a sandwich.
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Happy Halloween! Check out this fun For What It's Worth. with Kristine Kimmel Gary Brightwell and Blaine Capatch. FB buries and link, so feel free to share.
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The great @FrankConniff.
I don't think @TonyHinchcliffe would have done too well at the pre-WWII Madison Square Garden Nazi rally either, because those hacky jokes were dated even in 1939.
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“We were going to be a Reggae band, but instead of smoking a bowl at rehearsal we did a bunch of coke, so I guess we’re a Ska band now.” - I assume every member of every Ska band ever.
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I got a little flirty and asked my wife to send me a picture of her ass… she texted back a picture of me.
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Hey! Order for your kid. Nobody in this 27 person deep line thinks it’s cute that your daughter can’t fuckin say “pickle.”. (36 hour travel got me edgy).
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So we used to go to our 8th grade dances and dance to Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax” and act like it wasn’t about straight up fuckin.
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You dont care about dead children in the schools, so don’t get mad at me when I don’t care about a guy with a gun in the bushes. #shotsfired.
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Has anybody considered the fact that Bon Jovi’s music might have been the reason the woman headed for the bridge to begin with?. #JonBonJovi.
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