Smatt - ס מ א ט ת
@mdrache
Followers
10,042
Following
3,701
Media
31,336
Statuses
286,617
Oh freddled gruntbuggly, Thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits, On a lurgid bee, That mordiously hath blurted out, Its earted jurtles, grumble
San Diego, CA
Joined June 2007
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
SAROCHA REBECCA IN KAZZ
• 990570 Tweets
#Aぇǃgroup
• 149165 Tweets
Tottenham
• 126026 Tweets
ナイジェリア
• 71140 Tweets
インプレゾンビ
• 60954 Tweets
Varane
• 54794 Tweets
WNBA
• 51253 Tweets
Mike Johnson
• 49311 Tweets
#OurShiningStarYoshiDay
• 48897 Tweets
#芳典に夢中な私はもうSTUPID
• 48418 Tweets
MAY THE 24TH BE WITH YOSHI
• 46896 Tweets
Speaker Johnson
• 41898 Tweets
Julie
• 41368 Tweets
MC KristP and Guest Singto
• 40574 Tweets
HAERIN SWEET 18
• 34893 Tweets
#MileFlyWithBulgari
• 34817 Tweets
MILE FLY TO ZURICH
• 25655 Tweets
Cássio
• 24274 Tweets
Alito
• 16333 Tweets
Menem
• 14414 Tweets
Rhaenyra
• 13858 Tweets
ジュニア卒業
• 12353 Tweets
twenty one pilots
• 11703 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
She forgot to add, "AGAIN."
Going for an unprecedented back-to-back championship, Her team needs your vote(s) to pull it off.
Take 30 seconds and help out some great kids.
Great news!
We are in
@TICalculators
TI Codes Contest finals.
Our student engineers did the hard work. Now it’s up to YOU! They need YOUR VOTES. Please vote for Chef Shield (& share!!)
HOW TO VOTE:
1.
2. Click on "Model Kitchen" video
3. Click on the heart
5
13
11
0
0
0
Like turning water into wine, the Betsy Ross flag, a symbol of racist oppression just yesterday, is suddenly good again.
322
5K
20K
Kinda weird how being Biden being Catholic is awesome, and ACB being Catholic is disqualifying.
472
4K
17K
This is the most modern journalism headline of all time.
173
2K
11K
Say what you will, not many presidents have the courage to kill 10’s of thousands of jobs as their first act in office, especially during an economic shutdown.
292
2K
6K
Good morning, especially to the people who know why this is funny (or not funny).
81
530
4K
Alex Trebek never had to apologize for being an asshole. Maybe Jeopardy should aim higher than Ken Jennings.
95
364
4K
Impeach Trump, Pence is POTUS for a day. Biden has to redo all his 46 merchandise.
153
262
3K
Congratulations. You just invented school.
Today I announced a new program to ensure that students learning remotely have a safe place to go during their normal school day if their parents must go to work. ⬇
972
188
1K
50
567
3K
Historically, people who masturbate openly at work lose their jobs, but here we are.
Historically, the Supreme Court has been 96% male and 97.5% white. Yet some seem concerned that the quota for Black women Justices is just too darned high. Wonder why . . .
0
49
254
70
483
3K
Oh, hey. Twitter suspended a doctor who mostly just talked about the reality of the situation as it pertained to his practice. Meanwhile, reporters and the Chinese government can spew all the bullshit they want.
196
797
2K
Oh, wait. Our guys are in trouble? Time to rethink this.
Weaponizing the process of naming and shaming bad men could undermine the entire movement
264
40
88
41
741
2K
Needlenose, scissors, standard screwdriver, lineman’s pliers, Phillip’s screwdriver and a hole saw.
Congrats. You’ve foiled Jack the Amateur Electrician’s murder spree.
These items were found during a
#weaponSweep
near
#MackworthHouse
#AugustasSt
during
#OpSceptre
. Safely disposed and taken off the streets
5K
1K
2K
78
393
2K
Good for him, good for the cops who helped him, good for the CEO, and good for the family who offered him a nap.
When a young man's car broke down before his first day of work, he could have called out. Instead, he walked over a dozen miles to work and gained the attention of his company's CEO, who made sure he would never be without wheels again.
148
2K
7K
23
380
2K
Two headlines from yesterday, and just a beautiful example of the irredeemable bias in the national media.
Up first, opponents of CRT win in a 70/30 landslide. The framing? “Bitterly divided.”
Secondly, 23% think Biden has united the country. Framing? “Country optimistic.”
60
548
2K
I'm old enough to remember when misspelling "potato" was disqualifying, much less your own name.
249
1K
2K
“Obama was the greatest gun salesman of all time!”
Biden: “Hold my Ensure.”
30
374
2K
If that picture doesn’t do something for you, you’re dead inside.
53
328
2K
Millennials and Zoomers: YOU DON’T KNOW HOW WE SUFFER EACH DAY!!!
Gen X:
264
164
2K
I miss my doctor.
Anyone else miss having a President who didn’t just yell about stuff he doesn’t like for hours on end?
5K
784
4K
44
144
1K
The more I think about it, I think we should just all quit twitter, and shut it down. I mean, nobody can ever top this.
167
121
1K
I dunno. Maybe putting the guy who loves choo choos, but has no other relevant experience, in charge of transportation was a bad idea.
62
437
1K
No, NPR. The judge sided with the laws as written. You can’t even report a simple fact without throwing in a partisan slant.
A judge in Florida has ordered the Broward County elections supervisor to provide records on the total number of ballots cast, the number counted/uncounted and data on vote by mail for the county by 7 ET tonight, siding with Gov. Rick Scott and his campaign for the U.S. Senate.
318
963
2K
51
450
1K
Brendan Donovan was 14 in 2011 when he made a gay joke. ESPN decided his 4 RBI/game winner night was the time to make it a NATIONAL FUCKING STORY. I want every ESPN writer’s text history back to 8th grade.
112
268
1K
Go ahead, Libs. Tell me thoughts and prayers don’t work.
It’s confirmed: Marianne Williamson will be in the second Democratic primary debate in late July.
550
421
2K
29
142
1K
Cubans: *protest against communism*
American Lefties: “You just don’t understand what real communism is.”
35
240
1K
You lied to get attention. You think you’re above using the common courtesy the little people do. And, for the cherry on top, you called out someone you thought was a Trumpie, who’s actually a Hispanic leftie. You win the trifecta of stupid.
78
247
988
He was 19, and helped murder a young couple who offered him a ride, then stuffed them in the trunk of their car, and set it on fire.
So, he wasn’t functional enough at 19 to know that was kinda wrong, but he should have been given the right to vote 3 years earlier?
Next week, Christopher Vialva will be executed by the federal government for a crime he committed as a teenager.
This flies in the face of everything we’ve learned about brain development and cognitive development. It should not be allowed to go forward.
317
99
226
25
310
1K
There’s literally video of the CentCom commander saying Americans were left behind, you gaslighting hedgehog penis.
It's amazing to watch in real time the fabrication of an Americans-left-behind stab-in-the-back myth
2K
2K
10K
29
167
1K
Sorry, if you’ve experienced a loved one with dementia, that presser was just painful.
70
95
1K
When Van Jones and James Freaking Carville are the only two liberals who make any sense anymore, your party may have drifted off a cliff at some point.
25
159
971
City constructs stirring memorial to Nancy Pelosi’s eyebrows.
43
162
981
How to tweet like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a tutorial.
Step 1: Always include a picture of yourself wearing nerd glasses.
55
390
834
For no reason whatsoever, my absolute favorite stock photo of all time.
90
104
957
OMG!! Two refrigerators???
Like a nice one inside and a 20yo one in the garage??? We should pass a law.
no one loves shopping more than I do. but in these spare times, worth wondering if we really need so much stuff. almost 1/3 of households have two refrigerators!
886
22
77
98
63
890
And just like that, the, “We never said we want to defund the police” crap goes up in flames.
Cori Bush: I’m going to make sure I have private security but defunding the police needs to happen.
5K
4K
10K
95
311
857
*Lands on moon*
“One small step for, umm...”
*lists 73 genders*
“One giant leap for...oh, goddammit...”
*lists 73 genders*
23
198
773
People, 10 years ago: Children fail because parents aren’t involved!!
Same people, now: How DARE parents try to be involved!!
16
189
828
“America was founded by old, white men.”
The average age of the Declaration of Independence signees was 44, and a majority were under 40 (Edward Rutledge was the youngest, at 26).
Jefferson, the principal author, was 33.
30
175
777
Just speaking as a Gen Xer, 10 episode seasons are bullshit.
71
28
776
Our Supercenter just removed all but four manned checkout lanes. Everything else is self service.
So anyway, enjoy that $15 minimum wage. 👍
75
148
683
"anti-gay" So, when he makes jokes about his family, he's anti-family. Jokes about white people? "anti-white." The scolds have killed comedy, not a single comic from the 70's or 80's would have a career.
53
219
696
“We spent all day calling everyone in the admin, plus Walter Reed doctors, liars, and just don’t understand why they don’t want to come on TV and let us call them liars some more!!!”
It’s a mystery, Jake.
The president is in the hospital with COVID-19 and the White House is putting out zero guests for the Sunday shows to explain what’s going on while also forcing administration health experts to cancel pre-planned interviews.
5K
12K
49K
15
171
663
Hello, My name is Calvary Chapel. You killed my father.
11
282
722
Nobody talks about how hard it is for an aardvark to get a law degree.
31
97
726
This is what I think of when I hear pop music or anything about the Grammy's.
13
327
658
My HS friend walked for the first time in 30 years, yesterday. Long story as to why prosthetics weren’t an option before, but they weren’t. She’s an amazing chef, and mother of two, and was told she wouldn’t live to see 25.
33
43
694
Can honestly say I’ve never seen gunshot victims stand around outside, in winter coats, in early September Oklahoma (avg temp 85°). This must be serious. Do gunshots give people the chills?
87
132
649
You guys have lost it. "Our of the public eye" is not "disappeared." The sad thing is you don't even know how insane you sound.
If any First Lady "disappeared," you'd "want to know where she is." Here's our
@CNN
discussion:
3K
142
366
53
154
509
My high school friend, standing on her own two feet for the first time in 3 decades. Merry Christmas, indeed.
34
35
622
When you have men getting probation for multiple counts of child rape, not sure 41 months for “obstructing an official proceeding” is “good”, exactly.
21
141
580
Non-early risers probably missed this. New entry for best Halloween costume ever.
34
90
600
Jesus, you're an idiot. Throughout history, "untrained civilians" have stepped up to help during disasters.
68
160
494
Holy fuck. Going to sleep. I insulted Ken, and my TL is 🔥. FTR, fuck Ken Jennings, He’s a pathetic substitute for Alex.
23
21
557
RIP, Kirstie Alley. She was an alum of my high school (Class of '69), and moved back to Wichita several years ago. A lot of friends met her and said she was genuinely a nice person.
13
64
601
How is this not a movie.
Robert Smalls born enslaved in SC
#OnThisDay
in 1839. In 1862, commandeered a Confederate ship in Charleston harbor, piloted it to US waters. Then served in US army & navy during Civil War. Later served in US House of Representatives alongside fellow Republican James A. Garfield.
23
327
1K
49
124
580
These are the same people who say $9/month for birth control will bankrupt them.
Saving $1,000 a year on taxes is nothing. Less than $100 a month.
3K
62
112
14
242
505
Good morning. Especially to the, “Women in STEM” marketing people.
131
42
560
Welcome to the awful place known as flyover country, where random people jump in their trucks and drive 3 hours so the beloved local grocery has meat.
17
121
525
From my FB memories, an oldie that will always make me laugh.
10
87
472
The two professions that think most highly of themselves, and spend most of the year giving themselves awards, are also the two that can’t take a single joke at their expense.
4
84
521
Your turn signal has been on for like two miles.
I don’t understand what dudes who honk their horns at women expect of us. Do they think we’re gonna flash our boobs or swoon or share our snacks or what?
209
125
862
27
47
487
I’m sorry, if the words, “A vaccine passport will allow you to re-enter society.” don’t give you pause, you probably can’t be helped. I say this as an avowed vaccination supporter.
18
110
503
My friend had Boxer puppies and this is me DEFINITELY NOT GETTING ONE.
81
24
462
So here's my question about the nurse video. Couldn't the nurse or supervisor have called the state police to report an assault? Heat of the
21
87
469
If you get this, you’ll understand why I need this shirt.
53
61
482
Democratic NOLA mayor, LA governor, and President. The only question is how the media will blame republicans for Ida’s destruction.
62
67
477
I feel sorry for the cashiers of today. They will never know the satisfying Ka-thunk, Ka-thunk.
51
31
469
Wilford Brimley, at age 25, 45, 65, and 85. Time takes its toll.
17
103
478
If you have a PhD and insist on being called "Doctor", I'm going to assume you're an asshole.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
62
42
420
