Matt Lipton
@mattliptoncomic
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Following
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Media
9,284
Statuses
37,704
Comic. Producer. Scholar.
New York, NY
Joined August 2011
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メイドの日
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メイドさん
• 119795 Tweets
メイド服
• 91509 Tweets
#それスノ
• 82033 Tweets
#Mステ
• 70613 Tweets
सुप्रीम कोर्ट
• 63178 Tweets
太陽フレア
• 56023 Tweets
ラウール
• 33196 Tweets
aiko
• 32531 Tweets
ONGSASUN CONFLICT
• 32211 Tweets
#BACKSLIVEに油を注せ
• 22837 Tweets
モバイルSuica
• 22734 Tweets
チャージ
• 22448 Tweets
#阪神タイガース
• 22424 Tweets
DDoS
• 20819 Tweets
岸辺露伴
• 20445 Tweets
ジェシー
• 16146 Tweets
サイバー攻撃
• 16123 Tweets
世界大会
• 14784 Tweets
アニサマ
• 12373 Tweets
小林ホームラン
• 11321 Tweets
ノイジー
• 10887 Tweets
ミスチル
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階段降り
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Never forget the greatest Ben Shapiro takedown video already exists
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People say "I miss Obama" -- that's not saying much.
"I miss George W. Bush" -- that's saying a lot.
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Delete. Your. Account.
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BREAKING: Local man turns hollow gesture into a trip to the hospital. Thanks Obama!
#NikeBoycott
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BREAKING: Carrie Fisher parties and is judging you from heaven
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The Warrior Nun fan base is the only fan base I believe will cancel their Netflix subscription when they say they will
#SaveWarriorNun
warrior nun has an amazing story, with really good character developments, incredible visuals and a beautiful love between two girls, i’m not forgiving netflix never
#SaveWarriorNun
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Not saying Hurricane Irma is God's punishment for Ann Coulter, but it seems more plausible than "denying climate change"
#hurricaneirma2017
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Ben Shapiro trends, this video must trend. I don’t make the rules.
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James Earl Jones is trending.
Can Twitter please mark people who trend & haven’t died as “safe” or something?!
We gotta do this every time? 😂
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Seriously, wtf is x? This shit looks like I have a porn app on my phone now.
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@MikeSington
The mysterious disembodied white hand no one seems to notice is the third creepiest thing in this photo
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Yes, I have content to promote - but it would be A SHAME if my tweet got more RT & Likes than Poopie Pants (because there is NO WAY I could get more comments 😭😂😂)
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@BlackKnight10k
Hahaha of course the “protect children” crowd suddenly loses their venom when their guy is a predator
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If Warrior Nun remains canceled, I will have no choice but to renew my pitch for a Sword & Sorcerer romcom series entitled “Sword Lesbians”
#SaveWarriorNun
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BREAKING: Real-life "Janice the Muppet" impersonator Tomi Lahren joins Fox News to host yet-to-be-named overtly racist children's program.
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Susan B. Anthony so hard, they put her face on a coin instead of a bill, because paper's too soft.
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@bennyjohnson
Wait. I missed when these sons of Liberty a boarded commercial vessels and dump them into a harbor.
As I understood it, these brave heroes went to a store and politely purchased their boxes of beer to shoot with a gun for a TikTok
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I do not like his Orange tan
I do not like his Bannon-man
I would not like him as a Pope
Because he is a f***ing Dope
#DrSeuss
#WorldBookDay
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Nothing says "I love you" like a distant handshake and the gesture to "go stand over there"
The US First Lady introduces her husband on stage at an event at Joint Base Andrews. He thanks her with a handshake.
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BREAKING: George W. Bush comes out of retirement to fill the presidential void.
UP NEXT: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen ACTIVATE!!!
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BREAKING: USPS releases first stamp of President Trump
#TuesdayThoughts
#TuesdayMotivation
#TuesdayMorning
#TheInvestigation
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Steve Crowder TL;DR is getting a divorce.
Not his choice, his wife wants a divorce “But in the State of Texas, that’s allowed…” - he says.
Allowed?! Can’t imagine why his wife wants a divorce 😂
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"I'm not ranting and raving" is like yelling "I'm not hysterical! You're hysterical!" when you're being hysterical.
#TrumpPressConference
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@JasonSCampbell
Matt Walsh constantly conflates having an existential crisis out loud with well thought out arguments & reasonable debate
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It’s a very telling problem when Ted Nugent, Laura Ingraham, Frank Stallone and the whole of the MAGA crowd have more hatred and animosity directed at David Hogg for seeking gun reform than a killer like Nikolas Cruz (who is getting piles of fan mail).
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If SNL doesn't have Melissa McCarthy continue to play Sean Spicer, despite Anthony Scaramucci, the terrorists win...
If SNL doesn't have Melissa McCarthy play Anthony Scaramucci, too, they clearly don't know the opportunity they're missing here.
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President Obama: "Everyday, I wake up to news of Trump playing golf and making kissy-faces with Russia. Happy Birthday my a..."
#ObamaDay
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BREAKING: Trump rewards himself with postage stamp for handling of Iran situation
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Trump calls
#Manchester
terrorists "evil losers in life" - confirming that Trump cannot, or ever will, be presidential.
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List of US Presidents who have bankrupt the Secret Service:
Donald Trump
[end of list]
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Bill Clinton was impeached for lying about a blowjob.
Donald Trump lied about blowing an entire foreign government, getting peed on by foreign prostitutes & entangled in foreign money.
But Bill Clinton was impeached for lying about a blowjob...
#ImpeachTrump
#ImpeachmentNOW
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Donald Trump is so painfully beyond human decency, no amount of spin-doctoring by Sarah Huckabee Sanders or a 4-Star General can fix it.
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders reminds me of a kindergarten teacher who all the children hate, because she openly hates children...
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@realDonaldTrump
.
@alisonbrie
Russian accent from
@GlowNetflix
: So... you want to play meme game, Mr. Do-nald...
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders looks like your brother's ex-wife, who shows up at the funeral out of spite -- just to make everybody else miserable.
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You know you fucked up when the people unable to hear you speak make fun of you.
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Dear Matt: The Kansas City Chiefs are from Kansas City, Missouri.
It’s laughable watching you guys cry yourselves to sleep while desperately trying to spin this.
Dear East coast establishment: Kansas City, Kansas is in Kansas.
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This is by far one of the best example of how painfully sad Tim Pool is at debate, argument or how little skill he has at interviewing, despite doing it professionally.
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OMG!!! They did it AGAIN!!!
BREAKING: Her Majesty’s Guard plays Imperial March as President Trump inspects the guard with members of the Royal Family at Buckingham Palace
#TrumpUKVisit
#TrumpNotWelcome
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In Trump's 7 months in office, he accomplished something beyond Obama's wildest dreams: To have Confederate monuments come down nationwide
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Sean Spicer: "Look! Donald Trump plays a
#VeryLimitedRole
in policy decision. Is it twitter? Is it golf? If not, it goes to Bannon. Period."
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BREAKING: NTY confirms Donald Trump Jr. is "the Fredo" of the Trump Crime family.
"I can handle things! I'm shmaaart!"
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Thank you for flying United Airlines! If this is your first time flying with us, you HAVE to fight.
#United
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@MlatkovicMark
“Out of Context” doesn’t mean what you think it means. It’s not a catch all defense for someone making fun of the words that come out of your mouth.
There is no context where the words spoken somehow make sense and aren’t laughable.
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I can’t wait to see Ben Shapiro when his career as a professional liar is over...
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"I know words, I have the best words. I have the best, but there is no better word than stupid.” -- Donald Trump, total
#heel
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Girl Puncher at Berkeley possibly identified as NATHAN DAMIGO, pal of Richard Spencer.
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BREAKING: Chelsea Clinton, Queen of Darkness and Master of all that is Evil... said something to someone somewhere... I don’t know. We weren’t really listening. But yeah, fire, brim stone, witchcraft, pizza... really bad, bad things. Really bad. But don’t actual read her speech.
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After the comments of Alex Jones, Sarah Sanders, Bill O'Reilly and The NRA - I am formally requesting
#280characters
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If Judge Jeanine Pirro likes Trump so much, maybe she'll represent Boris Epshteyn and Michael Flynn on treason charges pro bono?
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Andrew Anglin of Daily Stormer, folks! He's 5'2" 140lbs of... WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR BEDROOM! What's with all the dolls, man!!!
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BREAKING: Steve Bannon removed from National Security Council
UP NEXT: Rick Perry named as Secretary of Corn Dogs
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@RealMartyT7
@EileenQuirke4
It’s extremely telling that a certain portion of this country has forgotten the reason why planes aren’t allowed to fly near a stadium during a major sporting event after 9/11
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Kellyanne Conway looks like a Las Vegas lounge lizard that got hit in the face with an ashtray.
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Feuding w/ The President:
Collin Kaepernick
LeBron James
The Deaf
Transgenders in military
FBI
NYT
CNN
Witches
Stephen King
George W. Bush
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People Organizing Against Trump:
Black People
Muslims
Immigrants
Woman
LGBTQ
Witches... wait what?!?
#bindtrump
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I do not like his Orange tan
I do not like his Bannon-man
I would not like him as a Pope
Because he is a f***ing Dope
#PresidentialNursery
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Someone told her "to dress appropriately" because she was going to "The Danger Zone"
Melania misunderstood.
#FLOTUS
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Pretty much sums up Donald Trump's response to his $25 MILLION law suit settlement for Trump University fraud case:
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This tweet just surpassed
@KaitMarieox
original tweet in both RTs & Likes.
I’d like to thank everyone who made this moment possible. I’m available for interview if Gun Girl would like to debate her politics.
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“Nobody Disobey My Orders” is something Cobra Commander would yell after right after someone disobeyed his orders, which was literally all the time.
#ImpeachDonaldTrump
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I’m honor of rage against the machine getting inducted into the hall of fame, here they are on live bbc where they promise not to swear.
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BREAKING: Trump calls UN General Assembly freeloaders, rambles about climate change, mispronounces NK, then 15mins of bing-bong noises
#UNGA
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LIVE FOOTAGE: Steve Bannon being removed from The National Security Council
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As we say goodbye to Sarah Sanders, let’s remember the time she read to the children for Easter the way a person who hates children does and puts absolutely zero effort in trying to hide it...
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@MlatkovicMark
Again “out of context” doesn’t mean what you think it does.
“I think Jenny is dumb” is out of context if what I *really* said was “Mike said I think Jenny is dumb”
So if the clip doesn’t change the context of what he is saying, it’s in context.
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BREAKING: Ann Coulter, female Skeletor, fails once more in her attempt to take Castle Grayskull
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@MlatkovicMark
No. I mean context. It has a definition. You should look it up and learn how to speak and engage with words correctly.
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Melania Trump: "Do-nald very concerned with the bully of cyber. He say, Melania you go speak, no look on Tvitter. Do as I say not do as do"
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Whenever Donald Trump speaks, it's worded like it was translated from Russian by Russians.
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@realDonaldTrump
@alisonbrie
@GlowNetflix
"Willy Wonka and Oompah Loompa are very fun words to say in Russian Accent"
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I don’t know? Why did Bill Burr’s wife make all those MAGA nuts so mad. I can’t put my fingers on it. It’s a mystery.
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BREAKING: Giant Babyman complains women laugh at him on dating sites because he’s 5’0, picks fight with normal sized man.
If anyone knows who this is, I would like to interview him.
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So-called President knowing The American System of Checks and Balances
#ThingsYouThoughtWereReal
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The only thing "violently attacked" was Kaitlin Bennett's feelings.
He's Gun Girl's video with "On The Wings of Love" cut into it.
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How to Make Fun of Nazis? Tell him he's under arrest!!!
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How many RTs over 10K does this need before
@benshapiro
dares to respond? Maybe Ben Shapiro can think of this like a “debate me” challenge with
@AOC
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Donald Trump can bankrupt anything, a casino in a boom economy, the Secret Service, a small child's lemonade stand... ANYTHING.
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How Marla Maples & Melania Trump smile knowing they’ll eventually be buried on a golf course is beyond me
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