Maris Kreizman
@mariskreizman
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I run The Maris Review! author of I Want To Burn This Place Down, 2025 or so from @eccobooks
Brooklyn, NY
Joined January 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Everything is awful, but I'm writing a book about it!
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I gained 5 pounds and I told my endocrinologist that I’m doing more walking than ever and he said are you walking to restaurants?
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It's horrifying to think back to my full-body freakout on election night of 2016 and realize that I wasn't scared *enough.*
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Oh no, there are going to be holiday-themed masks, aren't there.
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A magical thing that happened yesterday is I got a seat on the subway and was looking at my phone and a random dude across the way tapped my foot and I was a little skeeved but the random dude was my husband.
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I have a wild idea. What if America made rape an impeachable offense?
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Still shook by the fact that for a moment today I thought wordle chose the word “ruble.”
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The only all-female reboot I need is the one of this presidency.
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Congrats to all of the indie bookstores I know and love who were so good at bookselling and interacting with their communities that they outlasted this shitty behemoth.
Exclusive: Amazon to close all of its physical bookstores and '4-star' shops
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I went over and sat next to him and hugged him and started telling him about my day and the other people on the train must've thought we were moving rather fast.
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This is by far my favorite quote from someone who finds out their neighbor is a serial killer
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Two workers died in an Amazon warehouse last night.
Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin sends TV’s Michael Strahan and five others to space
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Legit the best explanation I’ve seen for Colleen Hoover’s popularity comes from a 14 year-old quoted in The Guardian.
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As a feminist I mourn what's happened to Elizabeth Warren but as a sufferer of chronic illness I know we have to move on with Bernie.
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Love it when politicians I voted for tweet about stuff that needs to get done. Okay, go do it.
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Okay, but I really did laugh at this point in the Persuasion trailer. Ever heard of her?
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Dianne Feinstein lived the American Dream, dying while still employed.
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But really I will forever be impressed by this Trump supporter who saw through my lies and really owned me.
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Like, do male writers get these kinds of responses?
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Be the unlikable female narrator you want to see in the world.
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My favorite thing about The Nanny is that it could have easily been a “she learned as much from them as they learned from her” situation but no, Fran did not need to learn anything.
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Can we please stop saying that diabetes is something that happens to people who are overweight? That's not how it works.
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I don’t know how other freelancers prefer to do it, but I usually like to change out of my day pajamas and into night pajamas before I start mixing drinks.
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"We do not protest the war on Gaza because we have an abstract right to do so; we protest it because it is one of the great moral atrocities of our lifetimes and because the widespread refusal to admit this in America is an atrocity in its own right."
wrote about the very stupid conversation over free speech and why we should not fall for it
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Instead of publishing any more “Why I’m Leaving New York” essays, people can simply tweet the number or letter of the subway line that broke them.
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We don't talk enough about how Amazon bought Goodreads, enjoyed it for a couple of years, and then totally abandoned it. So that the current user experience is terrible, and the content moderation is even worse.
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This is the only proper response to that terrible "Amazon should take over public libraries" piece in Forbes:
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I have a theory: if you are reading this tweet, when you were 11 or so, you earnestly but unsuccessfully tried to start your own version of the babysitter's club.
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A thing to note about the state of healthcare in this country: when I overpay for insulin in order to live, my insurance mandates that I get it by mail service rather than at a pharmacy.
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All of the college debt talk reminds me of the older women in publishing at the beginning of MeToo who were like, "my ass got grabbed when I was starting out so why not you? you think you're better than me?"
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Having trouble focusing on anything during this time? Want to read some books that don't require your whole brain but are still smart and well done? I've got you.
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Just another one of those times when you realize you can't even imagine other people's pain. RIP Kate Spade.
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I have read 110 books published in 2020 so far. There are so many great books I can recommend to you. You don't have to read books about Donald Trump. You will not learn anything that you can't learn on Twitter for free. I promise. Give yourself a break. Read a novel.
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The Purge, but for one day a year anyone who’s signed an NDA can talk.
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My favorite thing about this is that most people are like wtf that’s terrible to say and the comedians I know are like what a hack!
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I will never forget the horror of watching Christine Blasey Ford testify to the Senate like a hero, only to have her words thoroughly discounted. So yes, how we treat Anita Hill is still relevant right now.
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Getting ghosted by a love interest sucks a lot, but try getting ghosted by a company that seemed very ready to hire you.
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Most people don't even know where Gwyneth Paltrow is located in the vagina.
Gwyneth Paltrow welcomes you to The Goop Lab on January 24
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Absolutely love the implication here that a small slice of cheddar on a cracker utterly ruined Gwyneth’s clean lifestyle.
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I've got news:
As of August 1 I'm going to be the books editor at
@vulture
. I can't wait to put some cool shit out into the world, for Book Twitter and beyond.
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I’m almost 40 and the only item left on my bucket list is not to apologize when someone bumps into me.
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My great-great-uncle Barney was a haberdasher on the Lower East Side 100 years ago. His namesake store, Barney's, is now one of many luxury retailers where I cannot afford to shop.
What’s a cool bit of family history you know? Can be family of origin of family of choosing.
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Someone who is better at sex than I am please explain this to me.
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Taking a page from Cheryl Hines, I want to publicly state that I love my husband but his opinions are not a reflection of my own. Dunkin Donuts is mediocre at best.
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For the record, a large corporation declining to distribute a book written by a cop who has literally gotten away with murder is not cancel culture.
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Tag yourself in the season 3 finale of Succession. I'm the eldest son.
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Still astounded every time I see media that implies (or directly says) that caring about other people who may or may not be different from you is considered "woke."
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On this day 30+ years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes and I would have been even more of a wreck than I was if Stacey from the Babysitters Club hadn't had it too.
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Always sad when one of the people you’ve admired above all gets into the “just asking questions” phase of life.
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I'm prepared to vote against Howard Schultz twice--with my real name and my Starbucks name.
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If Ashkenazi Jews are so smart then why did I have three black cherry White Claws last night?
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One last time, tag yourself in tonight’s episode of Succession. I’m New Jess.
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Tag yourself in tonight’s episode of Succession. I’m (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING).
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Hey boy, are you a billionaire? Cause you're desperately trying to get my approval when I don't even think you should exist.
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I understand there's a designated day, but all of 2020 has been Cyber Monday.
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When I was a kid I thought Annie Get Your Gun was a dark sequel to Annie, and I understood why it was necessary.
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I have literally never wanted a tattoo until now.
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Yes, I understand that it’s overly optimistic to think that the Merry Christmas people will wear masks.
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This reminds me of women my age and older who were like, “We got harassed; why shouldn’t younger women also get harassed” when
#MeToo
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The news out of Parkland gets worse and worse and I know this isn’t the point but Louis CK can eat shit.
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Is it bad that my only life ambition anymore is to see Donald Jr. crying while wearing handcuffs?
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I’m so glad extra hospital space is being set up and this is a very minor problem but I will be so pissed if I die at the Javits Center.
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I was diagnosed in 1987, and I can't believe it's 2019 and my key issue for the next election is that insulin should be free.
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I just read an essay by a noted intellectual that was confusing, overwritten, and condescending. In previous years I would have thought I was simply not smart enough to "get" it, but now I'm quite sure that he is a bad writer.
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When you know you're gonna get fired, but you wanna go down in a blaze of glory.
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Thank you to Donald Trump for curing my Imposter Syndrome. If he thinks he's qualified to run the country, I can do whatever I want.
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Earnest tweet: having spent nearly 2 months listening to my husband work on a TV show from home, I am amazed by how much he does and how much he knows, and how technically precise he is even when he's just goofing.
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A reminder that Bookshop offers free shipping today and tomorrow and none of their workers are forced to pee in bottles.
Independent bookstores need your money more than Amazon does.
Keep your money in your community so these stores can be here for years to come.
Close the book on Amazon and buy your books from your local bookstore or online at this Prime Day 📚
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I would listen to a 100-episode podcast series that's just Kathleen Turner talking shit about Nicolas Cage.
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I'm feeling sad because I'll never be incompetent and unscrupulous enough to get an 8-figure severance package.
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Eric Trump looks like one of those cysts that’s capable of growing teeth and hair.
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A good time to remind people in New York City that if your street is flooded you should just eat some toast for dinner and not order delivery.
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If I wanted to watch two white dudes bicker near a woman named Elaine, I would definitely just watch Seinfeld.
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Refused to wear the bottoms but the top of her is Young Pope.
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Trump admitted to Bob Woodward in February that he was downplaying the deadliness of COVID. We're just finding out about this today, after hundreds of thousands of Americans have died. How is this good book publishing or good citizenship?
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Every time I hear the song "9 to 5" I think "YES!" and then I think "Damn, those are some pretty sensible hours."
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I truly believe I could turn Goodreads around.
What’s a job you know you would totally excel at but couldn’t ever do it for moral reasons?
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Love to my NYC bubble in which bringing a book to a bar is widely respected/admired.
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You can review Sean Spicer's book and get some jokes in and make a few political points, or you can simply choose not to cover it at all.
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Tag yourself in this episode of Succession. I’m a pope who followed Kendall on Twitter.
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We are “it’s too late now to start watching a whole movie on Netflix” years-old.
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I would watch a full Comedy Central series a la Drunk History in which Armie Hammer learns about a new scandal in US history every week.
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It’s a dark time but my dog just managed to take a few good bites from a street burrito so you really never know when your luck will change
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Feels important to link to Judy’s support of Gender Queer and maybe it’s also important to say fuck you to the British press.
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I want to believe that Joan Didion lived an extra week out of spite so that she could officially outlive Eve Babitz.
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Who in the fuck specifically waits on a long line to vote for Ted Cruz?
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