wife of the mind
@andrealongchu
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my middle name is really long
Brooklyn, NY
Joined October 2015
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i wrote about what justice looks like for trans kids
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guys will stand 5’8” from you and call it 6 feet
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people with people with
dogs boyfriends
🤝
“he’s never like this”
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my girlfriend just tried to tell me that drury lane is where the gingerbread man lives. no. that is where the muffin man lives. the gingerbread man, as we all know, has no fixed residence
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me: and that’s why we had no choice but to stan
grandkid: wow... but what if you didn’t want to stan? could you just not?
me (gravely): no. we had to
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lisa kudrow’s entire career has been one long audition for the role of carole baskin
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watched a steely eyed butch trudge through the freezing wind while pushing a shopping cart, walking a dog, and clutching a red bouquet, and thought: somewhere a femme is very warm
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if i did not want my superstore to be looted i would simply not name it target
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rom coms are about what if straight people behaved like lesbians
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but i would write 5,000 words
and i would write 5000 more
just to be the man who wrote 10,000
words that no one asked me for
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trains. the ultimate mystery. where are they going
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liz warren 1/32 in favor of medicare for all on her mother’s side
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megan amram stuck doing that bit for four more years
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all girls know is destroy capitalism, identify the victim classes, organize the victim classes, engage in international solidarity with the global movement, attack and dethrone god
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when they wash your hair at the salon..........sex wishes it felt like this
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the kavanaugh stuff is so fucking depressing bc it was never that they didn’t think it happened, it was always that they just didn’t think it was a big deal
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too many of you focused on the bed and bath not enough of you considering the beyond
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i think a certain kind of college educated female voter has a largely merit-based experience of sexism where they’ve been denied career advancement they‘ve putatively earned through professional competence and so when they see a woman denied political office they think, aha it me
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my gf just said the only acceptable way to remake the princess bride is to have adult fred savage, whose name turns out to be william goldman, finds the unabridged princess bride by s. morgenstern and realizes his grandfather’s version was wildly inaccurate and i am SCREAMING
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a lot of writers on here like to complain about how hard writing is but personally i just open up the dirty window and let the sun illuminate the words that i cannot find
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amy klobuchar furiously rehearsing the lighthearted aside “—and by the way, bernie, a woman CAN win!—“
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marriage story was weird. first, the runtime. did baumbach really need all that time to tell his story? second, too much yelling. we get it! third (this is more of an observation) interesting choice to make it less about a marriage and more about the disappearance of jimmy hoffa
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marianne williamson has absolutely enormous jenna maroney energy
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*walks up to heterosexual couple* so which one of you is the writer and which one of you is the editor
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i will watch any movie whose premise is that tessa thompson is wearing a suit
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some news???????
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because i could not top for death he kindly topped for me
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i wrote about hanya yanagihara's new novel and her whole weird deal
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well since we're at it straight women really should just say boyfriend
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council of nicaea:
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thoughts and prayers to everyone who googled “natasha lyonne gay” last week and had to see a picture of fred armisen
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at the university of austin they grade on a bell curve
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it’s come to my attention that some of you go places and, correct me if i’m wrong, do things?
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remember how idina menzel was in enchanted and NEVER SANG??
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gay ppl break up more lovingly than straight ppl get married
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hey twitter, some bittersweet news. tomorrow is my last day working in my living room. it’s been an amazing 8 months and i’ve learned so much from everyone there. then i’ve got a week off (vacation!) before starting work in my bedroom. can’t wait for this incredible new chapter!!
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i wrote about avital ronell
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(explaining warren accounts to my offline friends) so do you know what a staff writer is
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ladies, if he:
-doesn’t text back
-takes up all your energy
-used to be a star
-doesn’t like having his picture taken
-is 6.5 million times the mass of the sun
he’s not your man. he’s a black hole
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opening a lesbian bar for lapsed catholics called mary full of grace
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if the child, having caught his mother kissing his father in a santa costume, must believe her an adulterer lest he lose the sweet illusion of santa claus, the question remains why his father, thinking his son asleep, was dressed as santa claus to begin with. in this essay i will
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the internet was invented in order to show things to girls
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zig-a-zig, and i cannot stress this enough, ah
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look i think we can all agree that everyone can use partner *and* we can roast you for being too embarrassed to say boyfriend
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the problem is (1) merit-based sexism is low priority relative to other forms of misogyny (you aren’t denied an abortion bc they gave it to your mediocre male colleague) and (2) the presidency absolutely should not be analogous to a prestigious fellowship or upper management job
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amanda palmer’s amanda palmer’s
marriage eyebrows
🤝
drawn on for too long
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call me old fashioned but just bc a republican “identifies” as a democrat doesn’t mean he/she/it should be allowed into the democratic primary with my daughter (bernie)
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jolene jolene jolene jolene
i’m begging of you
please don’t take my horse
to the old town road
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i officially accept jesse singal’s invitation to debate his right to exist
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i swear to god i thought jeremy renner was rebranding
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when happy people get depressed from staying inside all day that is cultural appropriation
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bitch glee was on in 2009
Pete Buttigieg feared being gay would be "a career death sentence" for his political hopes. So he stayed in the closet – until he was 33. The Democratic presidential candidate told
@jwpetersNYT
about the turmoil that led him to finally come out in 2015.
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mrs calloway said she would post the nudes herself
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jonathan safran foer sending natalie portman a text just to check in
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friends the govt
recommending lying about
tv shows covid-19
🤝
“give it a season”
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my girlfriend’s theory is that bobby always designs the same room with dark walls bc he’s unconsciously recreating a traumatic place from his farm country childhood and i am OBSESSED
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everybody stay calm but ghislaine maxwell is an anagram for an illegal sex whim
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it’s a very clever cooptation strategy to say the police are “broken” or “corrupt.” the police aren’t a broken institution failing their communities, they are a wildly successful institution that does exactly what it’s designed to do! the whole point is to BREAK IT
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girls always calling their boyfriends handsome as if this cannot be fact checked
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i wrote about jill soloway's new memoir
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wrote about the very stupid conversation over free speech and why we should not fall for it
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many on the left supported bernie bc he represented a modest but meaningful transitional phase on the way to a truly just society and now it’s like oh maybe we can just skip that??
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i wrote about ottessa moshfegh and her strange search for the sacred
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bernie sanders will never win the nomination without the coveted bloc of unreconstructed theater gays elizabeth warren is holding hostage with her catty remarks and advanced age
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now more than ever i am thankful that the democratic nominee for president did not write a gleefully racist tough on crime bill incentivizing mass incarceration and further empowering the police whose destructive effects are still felt 25 years lat- (touches ear) what’s that?
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thinking about how the two most famous slovenians in the world are melania trump and slavoj zizek
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the absolute tragedy that philip seymour hoffman will never get to play doc antle...
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im actually masturbating less if you can believe it
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opposing sexism bc women aren’t getting what they deserve is different from opposing it bc women aren’t getting what they shouldn’t HAVE to deserve. one is denial of privilege, one is abrogation of right. and imho this was a real diff between bernie and warren’s visions all along
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too bad i cannot write. should have thought of this before becoming a writer
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moderator: mr. steyer, do you have literally anything to say at all
tom steyer: you’ve heard of several kinds of cat,
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dysphoria is like someone died when i was born and the only one who remembers her is me and now i spend my life pretending to be her and wishing my friends had met her instead of me and knowing that the people who love me were really meant to love her. i miss her so much
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warren is right: sexism was present. this may be genuinely triggering etc esp if your political consciousness developed precisely in relation to this kind of sexism, but it is fundamentally irrelevant to the question of who should be president. and that’s hard to accept maybe?
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another bright young mind lost to the left-wing propaganda machine that is shrek 1
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queer eye to women: you're so successful, you hustle so hard, you're a beacon of your community, please just take five minutes to celebrate yourself queen
queer eye to men: you have literal shit in your hair you piece of shit here's some italian leather shoes
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you: leftist meme culture
me, an intellectual: grittique
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looking up at my friend jeffrey epstein who is in heaven now
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can't wait to deadname facebook. im a terf, but for facebook
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also you make westley and buttercup both women and then you call it “the princess brides” and while it is a reference to them, it’s primarily a reference to the fact that fred savage is now reckoning with the existence of two different versions both called “the princess bride”
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(great british bake off)
me: for my crimble i’m doing something a little bit different....it’s based on a window i once saw in a church in warwickshire
host (voiceover): andrea’s lemon zest and olive crimble will be filled with a cardamom currant custard, and shaped like a shoe
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