The Idol is a horrendous show. Bring back more seasons of Succession.

It’s my birthday so naturally I’ve been crying since 5am.

https://t.co/MbPsEKXY8R

A guy asked me out for Valentine’s Day & I told him I was a “non-practicing romantic.”

Depression is kicking my ASS!

babe you’re looking a little dehydrated. have you had enough diet coke today?

I don’t know what try guys are.

I wish that everyone gets the opportunity to live by themselves at least once in their life. No roommates, no significant others, no children. The feeling is unreal.

Feeling like a piece of shit. Just “can you hop on a quick call”-ed someone at work.

hozier fucking wrote “i slithered here from eden just to sit outside your door” and you text me wassup

Do I know what perjury is? I’m not an idiot. It’s when a jury is made of cats.

Living in Austin is the college experience I never had.

Does anyone actually enjoy bachelorette party weekends? I certainly don’t.

Outside is scary and inside is lonely, we need a third place

WAIT I TOLD U GUYS

Girls don't like alpha males. They like silly little goober guys

Small butts are making a comeback - me, a verified, unbiased source.

Look at how these babies communicate with each other 🥺

Ok cool tweeted this last year and went to Italy this year. Next year I would like to meet the love of my life thank you universe.