I love zip through Starbucks for a dark roast and getting told they don’t have any made. I do this so much. It’s practically my job

Democrats ain’t gonna do shit. I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Lately I’ve been feeling so bad for 4th grade me, who learned about conservation in school and suffered intense climate anxiety and was told to chill tf out. Welp! Turns out it was me who was responding appropriately to the information!!

Seems appropriate to share this meme I made again

Northern cardinals are such annoying birds. Don’t say “tweet tweet tweet!” That’s so cringe 🤮

Was trying to have a real conversation with my mom about how me being the only person in my whole life still thinking about Covid at all is making me feel so isolated and like… she wasn’t even paying attention to what I was saying. 🤷‍♀️ So I’ll yell to the void here instead.

Absolutely fucking unhinged behavior to cut in line at school pickup. These parents are NOT ok

Puppy Livestream

i absolutely love dogs but i think we’ve become entirely too permissive as a culture with thinking they can and should be taken everywhere

Insurance getting cute in my email like “awh u didn’t do our survey? Meanie! Pwease?” Here’s my feedback. I’m forced under penalty of law to pay you and if I need to file a claim I have 0 doubt you’ll fuck me. I actively wish harm for you if you work at an ins company. Hth!

Oh so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us

real ones know

so-called comrades, your maskless antics in the era of covid are far from radical, if anything they’re ableist and straight up antithetical to the politics you allegedly subscribe to.

I never do these, but story time: I was polite to a dude at a salsa bar at a restaurant 3 months ago. He asked where I was from and what I did for work and I told him. He was familiar with the city I live in and asked which school I taught at, so I mentioned the name.

Dear every company I have ever emailed: you don’t have to send me emails on holidays saying happy whatever. I absolve you of this. Be free

The nonzero amount of times I’ve come to work and parents are like yeah he’s got some pimples or something… honeybun that is HFMD 🤮🤮 #nanny #nannyproblems

can we all please affix "#justforfun" to the tweets that aren';t meant to be taken seriously. this would really cut down on the mishmash

Logging in to tweet my secrets. I am always in light mode, on here and everywhere else too ☀️