Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents house

i am both the jester and the queen

This might be an unpopular opinion regarding the DK Metcalf incident, but society would be better if people had a healthy fear of getting punched in the face when they act like assholes.

i’m the richest person alive because i’m in love with my soulmate

https://t.co/4BLI87EvV8

https://t.co/o0wqbtBDvf

https://t.co/A8IUcB2Ky3

im in tears thinking about how he threw his life away to go 8-9 with the Buccaneers

me after one glass of wine

there’s nothing worse than a friendship with a woke gap

Normally if you die you just hope your wife doesn't remarry within the first three months, but I never even considered fireworks.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is an unarmed good guy, who will then be shot by the cops.

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life

Husbands should be able to leave work early if their wives really really really miss them.

https://t.co/A6kHptoN5Y

date idea you tell me every thought you've ever had about me

In addition to being gentle and caring i am very neurotic and high strung. This is endearing to the right person i'm sure

“Unskilled worker” is a term made up by capitalists to justify why a person working 40+ hours a week is still poor

"What's it feel like to earn a first-round bye in the fantasy playoffs?"

“Why are folks getting dumber?” Because they don’t read. “Why aren’t men as romantic & poetic as they used to be?” Because they don’t read. “Why are people so vulnerable to propaganda?” “Why is everyone a conspiracy theorist?” Because they don’t read. Because they don’t read.