I haven’t said where my hug at to any of my coworkers in awhile, might need to change that tomorrow

I hate enemies and strangers. I only like members of my clan; they're who I'd call "people." I wouldn't call the others "people"

fellas these days get 1 viral tweet and launch a political commentary substack

yo this Trump Epstein shit is lowkey giving David Lynch vibes….

*judge scoffs in disbelief* made you laugh your honor

fatherhood is beautiful

@jake2160p swag bitch

I’m not, no

that fufu lame shit I ain’t wit it I send some shots at yo fitted gratata

me and the hr rep on the teams call as we wait for my manager to join

he also clearly doesn’t like me but won’t say anything because like a year ago me and the girl next to me whispered to each other that he talks a lot to himself. when he brings people stupid shit like “cracked tea bags” and DBZ playing cards he passes out to everyone but me lmao

there’s this definitely autistic coworker of mine who literally constantly talks to himself saying shit like “bro what? $10 for a fucking rivet? that’s cracked bro!” and “yooo I’m so cracked” and “wow I’m so dumb haha yooo that’s fair that’s fair” just begging for someone to ask

I’m living in a startup house with some cracked founding engineers and we’re working 22 hours every day to build the worlds best SaaS for reserving a slot at the dog park for your furry family member! We’ve got 17 monthly users and could theoretically raise $20b for our GPT wrapp

I wish I got paid to eat pizza rolls at midnight because it’s one of the few things I’m good at and can do consistently

Standing outside your bedroom holding a boom box playing "Can't Help Falling in Love" - your boyfriend who i forgot lives there too opens the window and I quickly switch it to Temperature by Sean Paul

I’ve been using twitter for half of my entire life that’s crazy

i lied, no sex. you will watch me perform Rent Money by Future

my little human

Classic

you’re asking your girl how her day was at work, and she’s telling you her authentic white coworker Jake brought lunch to the office in a cool bento box today. Not the same, etc