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@hammerbeard
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if found please return to nearest dumpster #bemis #pugdadbod
united states of student loans
Joined April 2010
I'm sorry, America. I fucked up and didn't vote in 2020. But Cards Against Humanity paid me $0.33 to post this apology and make a voting plan, and now I'm a whole new person! Did you skip 2020? Get paid to apologize today at https://t.co/5peB3Op0zF
#DonaldTrumpIsAHumanToilet
cahsuesmusk.com
Elon Musk stole your land, and now he owes you $100.
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Woke up to a new @USPS Informed Delivery email template in my inbox and I love it. Am I old now?
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I like reading The Phantom Tollbooth every year or so, and this time I revisited the story via @rainnwilson reading it to me via @audible_com. What a great way to travel along with Milo!!
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FRANCINE TAKES IT TO THE HOUSE 😂 The #PuppyBowl is electric Tune in NOW on @AnimalPlanet
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Yay!!!!
🗣️ FIRST TOUCHDOWN OF #PUPPYBOWL XX GOES TO TEAM FLUFF! Francine absolutely carrying the team on her back.
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a story of heartbreak: Dear @lushcosmetics, my Asteroid City shower gel arrived today. One bottle arrived fully alive, while the other left some goodness along the way. the end
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just hit ep 52 of @dungeonsanddads, there have been many great references up to this point (notably-metal gear solid) but @HeyBethMay’s “Mr, Hammond, I think we’re back in business!” has me laughing like a goon
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my absolute favorite thing to do (for whatever reason) is fall asleep to ESPN whenever I stay in a hotel room. @MarriottBonvoy, ur breaking my heart rn
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I'm so excited
✨ Montée des Marches de ASTEROID CITY de WES ANDERSON - ✨Red Steps of ASTEROID CITY by WES ANDERSON #Cannes2023 #Competition #SélectionOfficielle #OfficialSelection
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kraken celebrating my 4 year journaling anniversary with a game seven win, nice
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