A good episode of hoarders would just be me and my resentments.

Margaret turns 10 soon. Got her some stairs.

I grieved the death of Ned Stark longer than Erika Kirk has mourned her husband.

Imagine if Jake Paul getting knocked out was the first domino to fall in things finally taking a turn for the better in the world.

Just a heads up, it's OK to be sad about Rob Reiner's death without letting everyone know that you "didn't agree with this politics". No one gives a fuck.

It should be socially acceptable to eat french toast with your hands.

Made the mistake of hooping with teenagers and getting cooked by little ass nerds because I’m old and slow was the most embarrassed I’ve been since I tried to say “gnocchi” to my waiter a few weeks ago.

10/10. No notes.

My boss figured out that I just pretend to be very dumb (I’m actually just a little dumb)

I am crushing the last hour at work (uploading monopoly pieces to the McDonalds app)

Ice agents make more than teachers, actual veterans and healthcare workers. It pays to be a bag of shit. God bless America.

Hot dogs actually are a breakfast food if you’re not a little bitch.

Sausage dipped in maple syrup is one the greatest duos that ever duo’d and I am sick and tired that we don’t talk about it.

Spent an hour at work listening to a gardening and houseplant podcast because I have no garden and zero houseplants.

Maybe I’m getting old and boring, but being in a hot air balloon looks like zero fun.

so does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate induced disasters

Hardcore will never die, but you will.

Another W for the boys.

Picking up my mom from the airport and then getting lunch with two of my best childhood friends and none of them know the others are coming. Feels good, man.

my ex coworker had a baby and named it Link and I asked if it was inspired by good mythical morning or zelda and she said no its to honor abraham lincoln and I felt bad. anyway she just had another baby AND NAMED IT ZELDA