Hate being awake when everyone else is asleep!!

It came... it’s awesome... that is all

There are two types of people that I like: 1. Not you 2. Or you

U don’t need to be tall U don’t need to have degrees U don’t need to drive a Ferrari U don’t need to have a perfect body U don’t need to make millions But to date me, u must be willing to do the Chicken Dance with me at parties

Weird to think that most the pictures that guys use on dating apps were taken by their ex.

Anybody else sing “supermassive black hole” by @muse when looking at the first images of the #BlackHole...

#NewProfilePic

#ideas #assignmentgoals

Sometimes smiles are hard. So appreciate the ones you’re given.

A definitive guide to how women read emojis from men (part one): 😘: I want to fuck you 😏: I want to fuck you 😉: I want to fuck you 😍: I want to fuck you 🔥: I want to fuck you 😛: I want to fuck you 👍🏻: Fuck you

Never let this video die. https://t.co/6f6XalEycl

#truth

Women get excited when our clothes have pockets because it’s a safety issue. One pocket is for pocket kittens to throw in our bullies’ faces. But if our bullies don’t have a cat allergy the other pocket is designated for pocket sand.

Ignoring you isn’t rude. It’s a survival technique.

It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.

Welcome to middle age. You fall asleep on the couch for no reason now.

Always late. Worth the wait.

True story