Going to Home Depot depressed is the new grocery shopping while hungry 🌿

This weekend I plan to sit in a park with my dog and a book and not speak to another human for many hours.

What's your favorite word and why isn't it 'titular'?

LFG

You know it.

Did you know all your parents' haggard old friends from your childhood memories were in fact 31 years old

You are legally obligated to let a 12 yo dog snore on you, sorry I don't make the rules!!

Sorry I'm late, my dog was letting me spoon him for once

hey sorry i acted weird the other day i was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired

Ugh I keep doing the depressed kind of oversleep instead of the restorative kind of oversleep

The American urge to apologize for taking a sick day despite throwing up too much to work 🙄

https://t.co/QjknhQhR9m

Tired of being broke but also tired of working 🤔

This is a hill I will die on. Holding a bunch of heart-shaped balloons. Happy Valentine's Day weekend.

Also, the last few years have been hell! Why wouldn't you take an excuse to make someone in your life feel good? If not a romantic partner, your friends, or your pets, or pets in shelters for that matter... Or don't do anything at all! Just don't shame others about it.

Annual reminder that *all* holidays are made up and for some people, it's a relief to be able to celebrate chosen love instead of feeling awkward and alone during all the holidays that are more family-centric.

Great article @justupthepike https://t.co/C8JFWj6CWC

Today, for the first time, I saw a pregnancy test commercial where the person was excited NOT to be pregnant and I smiled ear to ear because representation matters

Sleeping is a cool thing I knew how to do once

Teach me how to use liquid eyeliner, you cowards