Erica Rhodes
@ericarhodes
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136,694
Following
146,857
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795
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20,875
I like the ocean & coffee. My second album, Ladybug out now on iTunes.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
My album, ‘Ladybug’ is
#1
on iTunes thanks to all of you. Now available to listen. Share with friends if you like it. Thanks so much for supporting me on my ladybug journey. 🐞
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Can we at least all agree that this is the worst time in United States history to be single?
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Such a strange time we live in: You can get canceled for a tweet, but rewarded for actual violence.
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I forgot my mask, so they wouldn’t let me buy a smoothie without a mask, but they did let me buy a mask without a mask so that I could buy a smoothie with a mask, cuz rules make so much sense!
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Behind every tweet is a person who should be doing something else.
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My sweet, gentle, brilliant, brave, honest, kind, hilarious, soulful, loving father, Dean Rhodes passed away at home this morning at 2:20am. He’s my hero and I will miss him terribly. Please tell a joke to your dad or a loved one today in his honor. He’s the funniest guy I know.
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“It’s not the time for comedy,” is like saying, “it’s not the time for life jackets” as the Titanic is sinking. Actually this IS the precise time for comedy. Stop being pussies.
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Netflix says not to watch Ted Bundy alone so do any nice, strange men wanna come over and watch with me to make sure I don’t get too scared?
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If you’re having a tough time just remember you’re living through an endless global pandemic and maybe you should go a little easy on yourself and take a walk or watch a movie and understand that we’re all suffering PTSD every day and just being here and looking around is enough.
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No career success, fame, or wealth can replace how you treat people. It’s all you’ll be remembered for in the end. Be kind.
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People who got thinner during this pandemic really have some nerve.
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I don’t have a boyfriend, but 3 women complimented my outfit in yoga class today, and that’s all I really need.
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My guy friends are always like, “how are you single?” I say, “find me a guy” and they say, “yeah don’t know any good ones.” Guess that answers the question.
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If you ever find yourself arguing with someone on twitter, immediately log off and figure out what went wrong with your entire life.
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Did everyone take selfies when they got the polio vaccine too?
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So sorry. I went for a walk cuz there was no green room. And when I came back, they said they replaced me. I wish this was a joke.
@ericarhodes
We came to your show in Ft Worth tonight and you were a no show. Hope u r alright
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Whenever I see people running in the morning I think, “wow! I’m so impressed I’m up this early!”
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This is a time for us all to come together by being as far away from each other as possible.
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Lady Gaga finding the man of her dreams gives me hope that I too can find my perfect billionaire one day.
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A lot of actors don’t understand comedy or irony or words.
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I’ve been single so long, I forget what it’s like to hate someone.
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I’m torn between wanting to get married and have kids, and wanting to eat french fries straight out of the oven with a spatula.
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How do people have kids? I can barely take care of my coffee-maker.
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Last night I watched a video about letting things go and I can’t stop thinking about it.
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Who needs a boyfriend when you get the same Uber driver twice in Peoria and he asks you how your shows went last night.
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Some people will follow you and never retweet you, some people will retweet you but never follow you, some people will never follow you or retweet you, but at the end of the day, what matters most is none of this.
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Just saw a guy on Sunset Blvd wearing a mask, but no pants. So, win some, lose some?
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Got hit on by a 21 year old last night, so I’ve still got it. And by “it” I mean emotional immaturity.
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Just realized I am making a living as a comic. I’m not rich/famous right now (tho my neighbor just recognized me from YouTube), but considering it’s one of the weirdest jobs in the world, it’s kinda cool I can pay my rent with jokes.
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A homeless woman stole my box of books and I just shouted across the street to her, “I hope you enjoy reading them!”
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Accidentally smuggled scissors and a Swiss Army knife on the plane, but don’t worry they made sure I was wearing my mask about 5 times.
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Went to the ER last night and waited 3 hours until I was self-diagnosed with a panic attack. My friend took me to Canter’s and we got Matzah ball soup. Realized I could have skipped the ER part and gone straight to the soup.
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We try to free Britney and she gets engaged. Maybe some birds don’t wanna fly.
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I do intermittent dating: 2 years off, 2 months on, 6 months crying.
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So strange that I flew to Boston to say bye to my dad, and now I’m flying to LA to a future without him.
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My dad made a rare appearance in my dream last night. He said, “when others don’t understand you, that’s why I’m here.” Then I said, “I miss you so much” and woke up.
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Everyone is 72% less annoying in real life as they are on social media.
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Relationship status: A guy at the gas station just said “I love you,” and I almost said it back.
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How do I report a hostile work environment if I’m self-employed?
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Just saw a girl smoking. Should I tell her she could save money by just inhaling the air?
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The second we get out of quarantine I’m going to start writing my book.
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If one more guy tells me that he likes me for my brain, I’m getting a boob job.
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For every single person wishing they were in a relationship, there’s a person in a relationship wishing they were single.
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This was a good day in Guam. I miss traveling and performing so much. And the random surprises along the way. Like a 5 star hotel overlooking the ocean.
#tbt
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Call me old fashioned, but I don’t really enjoy meanness in any form.
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This is the best time in the history of the universe to not have kids.
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I love how comics are saying things like “thank you for protecting us” to
@TheComedyStore
for mandating vaccines when for the past 30 years they let comics do coke and other drugs in the green room. But yes comedy has always been the poster child for “health and wellness.”
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Sorry, for a second I thought it was a comic’s job to question authority.
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A guy got swallowed by a whale and survived. Whatever you’re going thru, you’re gonna be fiiine.
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I wonder how many men know when they were the lowest point of a woman’s life.
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A year ago my Dad died. And nothing has ever been the same since. Enjoy the rain!
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The good news is Taliban says you need to show proof of vaccine or negative Covid test for all beheadings.
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My therapist said my problem is that I think too much. I said maybe the problem is everyone else doesn’t think enough.
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I mean, in La La Land she took one audition and in A Star is Born she played one show and they both became huge stars. I’ve taken at least 1200 auditions, done prob 3k shows, and the only similarity is I once dated a guy who called me a loser and had an alcoholic roommate.
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We barely care what you look like now, let alone 10 years ago.
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I demand mornings be extended 3 hours. We need longer mornings.
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Being an adult means you see your best friend once a year.
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Very excited to be opening for
@billburr
in Vegas May 6th.
New dates! pre-sale Wednesday
Ottawa, Texas, Las Vegas, Lincoln CA, Springfield MA.
code: BURR
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If you’re spending all of your time hating strangers in a digital world, you’re not spending enough time loving friends in the real world.
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Just tried to hold the door for someone and he said, “No thank you,” and used the door right next to it, and I’ve never felt more rejected in my life.
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If you feel suicidally depressed during the holidays just know you’re completely logical and normal and the happy people are the psychopaths.
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If I haven’t seen Game of Thrones or Avengers will I still have friends?
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A few more things about my Dad: He battled MS my whole life but never complained. He was a clarinetist but had to change professions when diagnosed with MS and became a CPA. He read 172 classic novels before he died. He was the only guy who ignored my mom, so she loved him madly.
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I’m overwhelmed by the kindness everyone has shown me during a very difficult time. Every note has made a difference. You all make my heavy heart a little lighter. So truly, thank you.
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Just said goodbye to my childhood home. So many things happened there. It’s strange to think a random couple will move in who don’t even know that I once threw my mattress down the stairs or that I used to pirouette in the kitchen while my Dad watched Star Trek in his blue chair.
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It takes me all day to get going and all night to wind down.
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I'm a comic, not a "political-amplifier" for anyone who DMs me asking me to promote their agenda. I have one agenda: to try and make people laugh and feel less alone in this strange world.
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A girl just shouted at me on the street, “I like your haircut!” And it brightened my day, so I think we should all practice the art of the drive-by compliment.
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I don’t have a boyfriend, but a guy did text me last night asking what kind of Greek yogurt I wanted and so what if he works for postmates, he CARES.
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In memory of my Dad, I compiled the list of 168 novels and Shakespeare plays he read, including his funny one-line "reviews" of each. I hope it inspires you as much as it did me.
I just published Dean’s List
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I think I’m finally willing to settle for a very, very wealthy man.
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Strange to hear that my first crush has passed away. He wore an earring, played soccer and girls loved him. In 6th grade I asked my friend to slip him a note saying, “Do you like Erica? Check Yes or No.” Still waiting to hear back. Life is short. Even unrequited love is worth it.
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I feel like I’m on verge of either a breakthrough or a breakdown and can’t tell which.
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I posted this photo for the
#womenempoweringwomen
thing cuz an ex once hated it and said I shouldn’t post cuz, “it’s not you!” Now I know to never let another man define who or what I am. I am many complicated things, but controllable is not one of them.
Photo:
@EricFischer_
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The best part about being single is not having to tell anyone what I’m doing, who I’m with, where I am, or anything else at any given time.
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Concerned about how many Americans don't know how to spell "lose."
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I think the main rule for comedy is you just keep going.
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