dick agus balls
@emofiat500
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she deleted her acc but sometimes i think of this tweet and burst into tears
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it’s so cool when you click an “open in app” link and it takes you to the app store instead of the app which you already have installed. it’s really good and fun that this bug has existed for like 7 years and never been fixed.
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ppl talking abt fast fashion but i spent $120 on doc martens in may 2023 that i wear to work and theres a hole in leather where the toes crease :) my father bought a pair in the 80s and they lasted 10 years.
Our grandparents used to have staple/everyday shoes and jewelry that lasted them so long that they passed on to kids and grandkids as heirlooms and I have “high quality” shoes and earrings falling apart after like 1 year of wear cause I “wore it too much”????.
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okay!
i’m really focused on improving my credit score and not killing myself this winter. those are my two main goals.
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by age 26 you should have:. • 4-7 pairs of pyjama bottoms that you’ve owned for 10 years.• an anxious avoidant attachment style.• weird relationship with food and alcohol and sex.• a really good water bottle that keeps water cold for like 24 hours.
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the key to having disposable income is bringing a packed lunch to work. i have realised this at the ripe age of twenty six.
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i’m lowkey obsessed with retiring to my quarters come nightfall.
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i love unsolicited gossip. when i ask someone how they are and they immediately start spilling tea. thank u so much this is my life force.
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i love paying £25 for ingredients to make a shitty version of a meal that would have cost £12.50 if i got it from a takeaway.
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sometimes it’s nice to put the pillows at the end of ur bed and lie down the wrong way round . for a change of scenery.
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it’s been years and curtis from love island saying he doesnt wanna cuddle bc he wants to get up and make coffee for everyone still sends me into orbit.
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when i was 19 i saw a girl crying in a nightclub bathroom and i asked her what was wrong and she goes “i’m twenty five!” through sobs and MY reaction was “awwww!! i’m sorry!!”. and as someone who is now 25 myself i am even more sorry that was bang out of order.
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at £7.80 for a pint i am charging my phone and stealing your glass and tearing up your bar mats and eating the pieces like crisps. i’m in the bathroom stuffing my bra with the toilet roll. i’m torrenting movies on your wifi. i’m funnelling the handsoap into my travel bottles.
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i once tweeted that the most delicious chinese takeaways don’t accept card payments and some rando replied going “less money for tax man more money for delicious” and no joke i think about it once a week LMFAO.
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drivers seem to underestimate how willing i am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.
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when the bus frees up and i move seats it’s bc i’m thoughtful and giving someone personal space but when my seatmate gets up and moves it bc i’m ugly and they think i stink and they hate me.
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guy who has the cilantro soap gene but hasn’t realised because he loves the taste of soap.
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sometimes i’m astonished i’m as old as i am and then i remember i spent 2 full years of my early twenties locked inside my house.
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this is a love letter to the council house mums who wear bathrobes and slippers to the shop and would lend u their last fiver to fill up the heating card and who shout over the garden fence asking to borrow milk for their tea and who’d mind u when ur mum had to do an extra shift.
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why did everyone on facebook say they worked at hollister in 2012. does anyone else remember this.
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it’s teenage hormones i swear to god theres no helping teenage depression u just gotta wait it out.
me aged 14: can’t believe mental health professionals think “going for a walk in nature” or “meditating” will cure me 🙄🙄🙄 so triggering so invalidating. me aged 24 going out into my garden at the end of a terrible day and appreciating the tulips and the bees: i’m better now :).
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@ChelleLynnArt mannn i’m ragin bc i live in ireland and bought them on holiday in the US lmaooo.
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this video fills me with RAGEEEEE she talks about loving ireland and wanting to buy an apartment in dublin but EWWWW belfast what if i came to your house with a ***
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5 years ago i found out this guy was cheating on me and rang him up crying and he was like meg💔 if it makes you feel any better i withdrew 80 quid from the cash machine today and forgot to take it with me.
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he was made in god’s image like the rest of us. idiot.
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my bf gave me chocolates and a card for easter earlier and told me not to open the got until i was alone bc it was a bit emotional 😐😐😐😐
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saw a thing on reddit saying this exact format works for every country so i slapped it on ireland
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pictures you havent seen of taylor swift because i took them
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vibes are rancid in my house right now one of my housemates accidentally killed the other housemates dog and my bf broke up with me all in the same hour so.
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4pm too early for a beer americans strike again.
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all this discourse is making me want to order a chinese.
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once i tweeted that u know a chinese takeaway is going to be delicious when they only accept cash and someone replied with “less money for tax man more money for delicious” and i still often think about it and laugh.
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ppl should release statements when they break up with their partner like celebrities do. bc i’m nosy.
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i’m crying my middle aged coworker just came up behind me while i was looking at this pic and goes “hi hi!” bc she thought i was facetiming with this man, ringo starr.
Ringo Starr looking like an Irish leftist twitter guy called like Minister For Hash TD
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it happened bc my credit card utilisation is high but my credit card limit is only £250 so thats why and i pay it in full every month ARGHHHHH.
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“im irish and i love ireland but i refuse to do any research about ireland or it’s history bc i’m an ignorant american partitionist”.
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i am a girl who loves a Little Treat. a €5 coffee here, a €10 plate of sushi there, a little glass of wine in the middle of the day. i deserve treats and i give myself them in regular intervals.
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went on a few dates w a guy n he asked me to come outside of work bc he was parked out the front w a present for me omg
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if i had a boyfriend i would make him fill up my water bottle.
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@harajukuamish i work in a bank i’m not doing anything particular strenuous or heavy-duty in these boots.
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i counted them and i have woke up to 96 dms telling me i look like a nice lady. you guys r so funny.
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having half a bag of onion rings cooked in the airfryer for dinner. just cracked open a budweiser. i’m like if your uncle had big naturals.
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everyone who doesnt have to wear glasses or contact lenses is my enemy.
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we told the waiter the food was lovely and he gestured to me and goes “SHE is lovely” and then gestured to my bf n goes “YOU… not so much”.
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i went through a breakup so bad once that i emailed my CV to the circus.
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the irish were not slaves this is a nazi myth made up to minimise white america’s history of chattel slavery
The Irish were among the first slaves in the Americas—sold, beaten, and worked to death under brutal conditions. Their story is often overshadowed, but it’s a chilling chapter of history that shaped nations. Here’s the forgotten truth about Ireland’s tragic story of slavery:
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hate when i bend over without a top on and my boobs go long and skinny. theres literally no need for that carry on.
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if a chinese takeaway only accepts cash payments thats how u know it’s gonna b delicious.
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i used to have a thread on my old account, where i asked people to draw spongebob from memory. and i used to look at it when i needed a laugh. my old account is gone now. so can yous please just draw spongebob from memory on ur notes app. and reply to this tweet with it.
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life is a never ending cycle of losing weight and fitting into my favourite skirt and then gaining weight and not fitting into my favourite skirt then losing weight and fitting into my favourite skirt and then gaining weight and not fitting into my favourite skirt then losing wei.
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home alone. i’m in my flat no bottoms on cookin dinner. lookin like winnie the pooh. i’m peeing w the bathroom door open. im watching tv as loud as i want. i’m pouring oil down the sink. i’m slipping hate mail under the other apartment’s doors. i’m drinking one beer & ringing 999.
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if ur period is late a surefire way to have it start within 30 mins is spending £15 on a pregnancy test.
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i’m actually gonna cry went to blowjob my hair n realised i forgot to wash the conditioner out.
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this person doesn’t know theyve changed my brain. i say “much too fizzy for me” about everything
what are posts that aren’t load-bearing anywhere but your personal lexicon. like the ones that weren’t really popular but are so enshrined in your mind that you just assume they got hundreds of thousands of likes.
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@IDKIDC504 i was averaging £5 a day buying lunch but i’m likely making maybe a fourth of what an american does yearly considering uk wages so thats realistic.
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i am not joking i have received over One Thousand dms today calling me a nice lady.
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“adopt don’t shop” but then shelters want u to show pay stubs to prove u have a good job n they wanna see pics of ur house and u can’t have any other pets or children in the house and also the cat is like an alcoholic or some mad shit that costs like €500 a week in meds.
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i can’t wear hats. it always looks like it’s my first time ever wearing a hat.
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council estates have such a bad rep but theres no community like there is growing up on a council estate.
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lying in bed on a SUNDAY afternoon watching law and order and i hear the microsoft teams message notification?? this is an act of terrorism i’m going to perform a citizens arrest on you.
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i’m STILL depressed but when i was 14 i had no bills no stress no problems i still wanted to die. i’ve acquired 1000 problems since then n i’m like ok i got this.
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theres a bit missing.
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just heard a guy go “don’t worry we’ll find a spot” and someone else goes “what the fuck do ya mean we’ll find a spot we’re looking for OUR tent”
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remembering when my sisters job asked her to get 20 batteries and she bought 20 packs of batteries
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happy st paddys day to all my friends in hezbollah, hamas and the ira.
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why would my bf post this on instagram i’m gonna have a stroke
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lady in the bowling alley refused to serve me a beer bc my drivers license isnt a US one and i was like “i’m not a US citIzen how am i supposed to have a US license” and she got her manager to come interrogate me lmfao.
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10 o’clock at night i love this fuckass idiot country
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london is so beautiful. shame about all the english people.
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everyone making fun of ppl being excited that phoebe bridgers is in ireland and potentially doing Irish Things. but i think it’s really cute. we r a people who like to share our culture and we find joy in people from other countries partaking in the silly little things we do.
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me when someone tells me it’s actually called the SSE arena.
You legitimately should feel a little dumb for not knowing what The Odyssey is idc.
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i’m a strong believer in doing absolutely nothing over christmas and never leaving the house. the pub will not be seeing me. i just ate a turkey and stuffing sandwich and now i’m putting myself down for a nap.
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texting my friends “what r u wearing” always feels like a horny teenage boy message but i’m just trying to match the vibe.
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i fucking love when babies see a slightly younger baby and they’re like “BABY!!!!” newsflash buddy! so are you.
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my hot take is queerbaiting is not a thing u can apply to real people. sexuality is fluid and u can change labels WHENEVER u want. queerbaiting originally meant media that hinted at a gay romance to appeal to predominantly LGBTQ+ fanbases but never followed thru.
probably the funniest response phoebe bridgers could have made to snail mail
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i’m really focused on improving my credit score and not killing myself this winter. those are my two main goals.
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been sober for 4 days which is the longest time i have been in Two years , little victories.
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i love ra men too.
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