Emily Bernstein
@emilybern
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@realoverheardla / words in @the_belladonnas @pointsincase / podcast https://t.co/iCMc8UHvII / same name on bluesky
Joined June 2009
Elmo is the most relatable muppet because he's also on Wellbutrin.
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When I worked front desk at a studio A$AP came in and I didn't realize who he was so I asked him to sign in on the sheet and he said "A$AP?" and I said "yes now if you wouldn't mind" and he smiled and didn't make fun of me so yes he'll be a great dad.
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well since you're all here I'll add I that was obviously embarrassed but now that 5 years have passed I can confidently say that I am still embarrassed.
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Adam Brody’s rizz in this show is off the charts. It’s like Seth Cohen grew a beard and realized how fine he was and sent an entire generation of O.C. girls into heat
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Shapiro, Beshear, and Walz showing up at Kamala’s this weekend
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ok who's gonna tell the celebrities to sing about the mail.
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If you give a handjob while wearing an apple watch that's called a stevejob.
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"Milkshake" set really unrealistic expectations that I'd be able to afford a yard.
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The tectonic plates were like “what if we just sing imagine”.
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Just realized this guy was Phoebe’s weird psychiatrist boyfriend in Friends lmao.#succession
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When you’re triple vaxxed and get covid for Christmas that’s called ✨immaculate infection✨.
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The biggest celebrity grift of all time is getting millions of dollars of work done on your face and then selling a skincare line to the peasants.
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Clubhouse is like if Linkedin developed a coke habit and started talking.
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me getting an email with the audacity to make me do the job I am paid to do
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when boys are like "it takes you 3 hours to get ready??" do you not understand that includes 2.5 hours of sitting on my bed in a towel finding the will to go outside.
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Nevada is the person in the group chat with green texts.
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The feminine urge to flee LA and swap houses for christmas to sip tea in a white turtleneck in the english countryside.
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@mosseri @Laurie_March every singe person in this comments section is begging you to just let it be a photo app lol. don't need to spend that much time trying to understand.
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It’s actually just “high winds”. They don’t classify as Santa Ana Winds unless Jack Black shows up
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Password must be between 8-16 characters and include 1 uppercase, 1 lowercase, numbers and special symb-
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always thought multiple orgasms were a myth until trump lost the election 16 times.
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I love LA because it’s such an easy city to be annoying in.
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Anyone working beyond the hours of 9-5 should be paid overtime per the law of our lord and savior Dolly Parton.
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Why are they called baby boomers and not mid-century monsters.
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“Predicting the weather with a groundhog is stupid” I say to myself as I check my little horoscope app to see if anyone’s gonna be mean to me today.
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The void between Christmas and New Years is Christmas for introverts.
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Being on twitter right now has the energy of that one guy in titanic who puts on his little top hat and keeps drinking.
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any animal can be a emotional support animal if you go to the zoo with depression.
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the kinetic energy produced by two girls talking shit about a common enemy could power a car.
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gonna warm up for the debate tonight by setting myself on fire.
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Happy one year anniversary to the day my therapist said you have nothing to worry about, it's just the flu.
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“I got a cat for emotional support”. The emotional support:
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Literally the final boss Karen.
How a Trump appointee stands between Biden and the transfer of power
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Who’s gonna match my freak (getting to the airport two hours early so I can go see the gate and then buy a little snack).
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15 seasons of The Apprentice and this is the only time he’s been a good host.
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I prefer the earlier variants, Covid’s new stuff isn’t as good.
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we said "eat the rich" so the celebs stopped showering 🤔.
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An earthquake on a friday can only mean one thing: I am ready to swap bodies with Jamie Lee Curtis.
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Nothing makes you realize you spend way too much time on the internet more than hanging out with people who don’t.
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New Covid will start with a limited release in LA before touring the rest of the country.
The new Covid-19 variant, first identified in the United Kingdom, has now been found in Southern California, Gov. Gavin Newsom says
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Even if you are fully vaccinated the CDC recommends a clay mask for your oily T-zone.
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I do not like emails at 5pm .I would not like them at 3 or 9.I would not like them anytime .I do not like them on a phone .I do not like them in my home.
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when you introduce people over email and they don't move you to BCC
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every weekend should be 3 days because you need one day to recover from the week, one day that is “weekend”, and one day to be depressed.
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So do the new years resolutions from 2020 just like, roll over.
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Someone tell trump that wearing a mask is like building a wall around your face.
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Please get vaccinated so I can stop being triggered by these frat boy names.
Six cases of the Lambda variant have now been found in the UK, all linked to international travelers. It is widely prevalent only in Latin America, including Peru, Chile, Ecuador, and Argentina.
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growing up in CA you do a lot of earthquake drills which really prepare you to just shout EARTHQUAKE! and do absolutely nothing.
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Criminal that cereal boxes come with a prize and tampon boxes do not.
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The only true measure of seasons in LA is whether your coconut oil is solid or liquid.
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Extremely humbling when you hear your former pregame bangers on the Walgreens playlist.
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@ErinMayaDarke Remember how frustrating it was when the Lannisters didn’t believe the white walkers were coming? Tell young people this is no different. No one wants to be a Lannister.
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Quibi didn't work because we need to scroll helplessly through our phones while we watch TV. Don't you dare make my phone the TV.
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Kim Kardashian has purchased Gretchen Wieners's really expensive white gold hoops for $700k, TMZ reports.
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