Auntie Miriam
@econympho
Followers
2,756
Following
538
Media
1,708
Statuses
9,282
Your mum's mate after a bottle and a half of prosecco. Reviews include: "Brilliant harlot" and "You make me smile / hard".
London, England
Joined June 2018
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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@VoiceJayBritton
In my experience, it's the older generation who are banging on about the economy needing to resume and things of that nature.
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Pops is fit af, pass it on
I was in an abusive relationship where I was told that I was ugly, unattractive and nobody else would ever want me. I believed those words and hated myself and how I looked. It’s taken me years to know I am none of those things, if I want to celebrate that on twitter, then I will
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schools - CLOSED
restaurants - CLOSED
gyms - CLOSED
pubs - CLOSED
my dms - OPEN
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Gonna buy this from Ann Summers and get a big gold dildo to hold in the air.
That'll break the internet.
#Messi
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I've been pronouncing sausages as "saucy jizz" all year so far and no one has noticed yet.
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Horizontal female looking for pain au chocolat fetcher. Must also be capable of supplying coffee. White, one sugar. Must not look at my face.
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@ourrachblogs
20 years old. 9am-ish Saturday morning. Still drunk. Hadn't slept (much). Still dressed like I was about to go OUT out.
"Oh are you off somewhere nice?"
Kill me.
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PANIC MODE.
HUBBY HAS SUGGESTED HE MIGHT GO ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE.
PANIC STATIONS EVERYONE,
THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
#CoronaCrisis
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Ok what's going on?
Every time I post, it immediately gets liked by dozens of bots. Who's out to get me?
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@ourrachblogs
I got stung by a bee, saw Pat Sharp and wet myself all in the space of about 10 minutes.
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I'd piss off my Nan to have sex with this woman too.
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I haven't had sex for ages but I have had Marmite cashews and that's pretty similar.
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Got a Zoom drinking session tonight with uni mates.
Already planning to go outside and wee between two cars to make it as authentic as possible.
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With Boris wiping out a vast amount of the population, forgive me for not congratulating him and his girlfriend on introducing another privileged life into this world.
#BorisBaby
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I think my vagina would have been grateful for this.
God, imagine your first year at university being online only.
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Dear America
If you really love your President and believe in him and plan to vote for him again, please do as he says and inject yourself with all the bleach you can find.
I promise you won't die from coronavirus.
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When you realise people can see the filthy posts that you've liked on here
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Isolation Day 1: There's this guy hanging around my house during the day now who claims that he lives here.
He appears to have mocked up many photographs of the two of us together and dotted them around. In some of them I'm drunk in a white dress.
#StaySafeStayHome
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Yeah sex is good but:
Some people claim the Sistine Chapel is the peak of human made beauty.
Wrong. It’s Viennetta being made:
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Type in "My fanny is" and let your phone fill in the rest...
My fanny is a bit of a strange one but you have no idea what it is like.
😂
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@FireyRoxy
Ahhh and I've just noticed that all of them have sexy websites in their bios. Of course.
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Woman I used to work with told us she got a divorce coz he cheated on her. It was actually coz she did a porn shoot when she was away one weekend on a hen do and he found texts from her "co star".
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@ourrachblogs
It's bad that my initial thought was "accommodating" but then I had a full conversation in my own head explaining how that didn't mean I was saying I had a big vag.
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If you're British and you call them panties instead of knickers, stop watching porn.
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My answer to the question "Any plans for Valentines Day?" is always "Your mum!"
But only to distract you from the fact that I'm actually banging your dad.
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Shout out to my aunt Heather who taught me everything I know....
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Separate rooms
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When I see someone makes the same joke as me, but gets thousands of likes and retweets.
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Think of all the other things that Marcus Rashford could be doing.
What were you doing when you were 22?
What would you have been doing if you were a multi-millionaire at 22?
What an amazing young man.
💕💕💕
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If this is true I would like to welcome either of them into my pants. First ocme, first served.
Have Stormzy and Maya Jama split? Reports claim the pair have broken up after four years of dating. 👉
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Sanna Marin, the Prime Minister of Finland is smashing the coronavirus in her country.
She is also hot as hell and younger than me.
So I love her AND hate her at the same time. x
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THIS x10000000000000
How I interact with my mates may appear contradictory to how I do with men on twitter I don’t know. Because someone follows me it does not mean they know me or can be overfamiliar, I will tell you to fuck off if you’re inappropriate yet laugh if a mate is. There is a difference
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When you catch a glimpse of a naughty vid and it looks so much like you that you have to wonder if you made those life choices
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So there are literally hundreds of you looking at my tweets and not liking.
WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH
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@girlonthenet
Was in a shop with him for some reason and tried on a new bag. Did a little twirl in what I thought was a cute way and didn't realise that my whole boob had popped out. Stayed that way for at least 15 seconds before I took it off and realised.
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I should sue the government for stealing the
#EatOutToHelpOut
line from my old Tinder profile.
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I can't be arsed thinking up tweets any more, just assume I co-sign every single thing that
@ourrachblogs
says
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Yeah sex is great but have you ever had a penis inside your vagina?
Oh wait.
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To anyone that saw me out and about this morning can I just clarify...
It was toothpaste.
Trust me, it was toothpaste.
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You still would tho x
@econympho
You look like the woefully unaborted offspring of Bill Hader and a Bratz doll. # RoastMe
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Open All Hours
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MASS UNFOLLOWING SPREE IMMINENT.
Will you make the cull? Find out shortly.
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Fellatio.
Now I have you're attention, this is a reminder that the NHS is not a charity.
#BorisResign
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